Final Fantasy Bloopers
by Kerrigor The Demon
Summary: There wasn't enough categories in the crossover section for every Final Fantasy, so here you go. What happens when my three favorite muses visit the Square Enix Studio? Chaos  literally  ensues! Rated M to be safe.
1. Arrival

So, there's a million other blooper stories out there I'm sure, but I'm going to do one anyway. I'm Kerrigor the evil, the awesome, the ultimate…

Garland: GET ON WITH IT!

Fine. I'm going to use scenes from all over the series and use them in this story. Pretty much the whole story will be my three muses being invited to the Square Enix Studio and watching the cast members screw up horribly. And now to introduce my muses.

Fang: What? Oh, hi.

Terraform: Mwahahahahaha KAMIKAZE! *zooms out of sight*

Kamec: I'm in a story? Well this sucks!

You don't seem very enthusiastic…

Fang: I don't know…maybe because we're NOT?

You know, I control your paycheck….

Fang: Dammit.

Anyway. Now on to the craziness!

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Terraform, Fang, and the ever hateable Kamec stood before the doorway of the giant Square Enix Hotel with their luggage behind them.

"Well this sucks," Kamec quipped, staring at the entrance. Terraform giggled madly to himself while Fang attempted to lift his eighty pound suitcase.

"You'd think they would send out someone to greet us," Kamec complained. Just then, a small white figure came flying out of one of the top floor's windows, screaming at the top of its lungs. The three muses stared at it as it flew out over the horizon and out of sights.

"What the hell was that?" Fang muttered.

"I'm not sure I want to know," Kamec muttered. "Well, we might as well go and make an entrance."

"Entrance?" Terraform said, stopping his mad laughter for a second. "KAMIKAZE!"

Then he ran forward at a high speed and jumped, spinning around like a torpedo in midair. He gathered speed until he zoomed right through the revolving doors, shattering them easily and landing in the middle of the reception room.

Everything went completely silent as everyone in the room stared at the smoking muse.

"Damn it to hell! I told you not to say anything about making an entrance around Terraform!" Fang scolded.

"Well, this sucks," Kamec responded. "Let's just go and see what awaits us."

When the two walked in, they stopped and facepalmed, because Terraform was doing what he always did: monologuing.

"I am the hottest thing alive! No one can match the flames of my passion! I will burn this hotel to the ground merely by being in it! Mwahaha…" Terraform ranted. Then Fang and Kamec watched a tall figure in red and blue robes stalk into the ruins of the reception room and lift Terraform by his shirt collar.

"Ackph…what?" Terraform stammered, his legs flailing in the air. Then the creature…demon…whatever the BEEP that thing was walked over to us slowly carrying the struggling Terraform.

"Is this yours?" the creature rumbled. Fang looked at Kamec and grinned.

"Nope. Never seen him before," Fang replied, grinning innocently.

"Just some guy we saw on the plane here," Kamec agreed. Terraform looked at us in rage.

"Don't you guys just abandon me!" Terraform wailed. The creature looked at us, and then at his captive.

The creature then hurled Terraform clear across the reception room and into a stack of brochures. Then its cloak ignited, covering the creature with white hot flames.

"WHO'S HOT? ME!" the thing roared, tossing a fireball at the hapless muse.

"My hair!" Terraform wailed, running around in circles. He then found a fountain and jumped in it. Fang and Kamec were rolling on the floor laughing as the creature humiliated their friend.

The thing was about to toss another fireball when an official looking man walked into the room, stepping over the rubble.

"Rubicante! You're due on the set in five minutes!" the man called. The creature, which they all had recognized as Rubicante, the Autarch of Flame, nodded and glided away after the man.

Fang and Kamec wiped the tears of laughter from their eyes and turned to regard Terraform, who was now soaked AND bald.

"None of you…say…anything," Terraform growled.

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Now that they had checked in, the three muses climbed the stairs to the top floor, where their room was going to be.

"Well…this…sucks…" Kamec groaned as he climbed another flight.

"Would you stop…saying that?" Fang growled.

"Don't dis my catchphrase," Kamec mumbled back.

"You suck!" Fang muttered.

"You suck!" Kamec returned.

"You suck!"

"You suck!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed a very irate Firion, who was walking down the stairs. The man pulled out a wild rose and hurled it at Kamec. It hit him in the face, knocking him down all 45 five sets of stairs that he had already climbed.

"GOD FREAKIN DAMMIT BEEPING HELL STUPID BEEPING ROSE GOD MUTHER…" Kamec shouted, until Terraform and Fang couldn't hear him anymore.

"Nice man," Terraform complimented, holding out his hand to high five Firion. The warrior looked at him weirdly.

"Why are you bald?" Firion asked innocently. Terraform fell to his knees and burst into tears. Fang held out his hand for a high five, and got one.

"Later, Firion," Fang whispered. The warrior gave Fang a friendly nod and continued on his way.

After much cursing, Kamec caught up to the other two and they eventually reached their floor.

"Which one's our room?" Fang mumbled.

"494," Terraform reminded him. "Which would be this one! KAMIKAZE!"

"Terraform, no! That's…the wrong…room," Kamec yelled as Terraform did his signature move straight through the door of what he thought was their room. Fang and Kamec stared in silence at the wrecked door for a few seconds.

"HOW DARE YOU ENTER MY ROOM UNINVITED? I'LL CRUSH YOU!" hollered a very familiar voice.

"Nonononon ACK!" screamed Terraform, and then Kamec and Fang watched as the poor guy flew out of Garland's room and through the wall.

"Well this sucks," Kamec said simply, unlocking their real room and entering.

"For once, I agree." Fang muttered.

The two were all settled and ready for bed by the time Terraform had extricated himself from the wall. They stared at the poor bald muse as he entered the room and plopped down on his bed.

"Stop staring," Terraform gritted. There was an awkward silence.

"Well this sucks." Kamec quipped. "I'm turning on the TV."

The first thing that was on was a Live Set show, so that the three of them could see what was going on in the studio right now.

"How come we get this?" Fang asked.

"VIP rooms for the win!" Terraform yelled. "Come on lets see what's going on!"

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Rubicante meets Edge in Final Fantasy IV Take 1:

The ninja prince ran forward, both of his swords unsheathed and pointing at the archfiend.

"Rubicante! At last!" Edge announced, stepping closer to the Autarch of Flame.

"Am…" Rubicante started.

"I am Edge, prince of Eblan!" Edge continued, cutting across the fiend.

"Ebla…"

"It doesn't matter, because you are about to meet your demise!" Edge continued.

"LET ME TALK DAMMIT! GLARE!" Rubicante howled, unleashing his ultimate spell on the hapless ninja.

Director: Cut! Rubicante, you're not supposed to defeat him yet! *glances at the barbecued prince*

"He didn't let me have my lines!" Rubicante complained.

Rubicante meets Edge in Final Fantasy IV Take 2:

The ninja prince ran forward, both of his swords unsheathed and pointing at the archfiend.

"Rubicante…" Edge began, but Rubicante cut across him.

"I AM THE ONE WITH THE LINES THIS TIME! GLARE!" Rubicante roared, frying the ninja prince yet again.

Director: Have you people ever heard of the script? CUT!

Rubicante meets Edge in Final Fantasy IV Take 3:

"Rubicante! At last!" Edge announced, stepping closer to the Autarch of Flame.

"Am I supposed to know who you are?" Rubicante demanded coolly.

"I am Edge, prince of Eblan!" Edge answered confidently, holding his sword out.

"Eblan? I don't think I've heard that name before." The fiend replied.

"It doesn't matter, because you are about to meet your demise!" Edge continued.

Director: This is going well so far! Keep it up!

The two clashed together: Edge with his sword and Rubicante with his dirk. Edge was good, but slowly Rubicante began to overcome him. So the ninja unleashed his Flame attack.

Rubicante laughed as the flames healed him.

"Poor technique. Let me show you how it is done. GL…" Rubicante started, but before he could finish casting his ultimate spell, Edge dropped his sword and proceeded to run out of the cave screaming like a little girl.

"NONONO NOT GLARE! PLEASE NOT GLARE, MISTER EVIL FIEND! I'LL BE GOOD NOW I'LL JUST…"

Director: *sighs* Cut…Edge, it's a special effect.

"That's not what he cast on me the first time!" Edge whined.

Rubicante meets Edge in Final Fantasy IV Take 4:

"Poor technique. Let me show you how it is done. GLARE!" Rubicante shouted. This time, Edge just stood there and let the blast hit him. To everyone's surprise, the spell rebounded off of him and headed in another direction.

Director: HOLY BEEP! *dives off of his chair and into a closet as the blast disintegrates the chair* Oh and cut by the way!

"Thanks for the reflect spell, Aerith!" Edge said, waving cheerfully off-screen.

"Anytime!" calls Aerith from off-screen.

Rubicante meets Edge in Final Fantasy IV Take 5:

"Poor technique. Let me show you how it is done. FIRAGA!" Rubicante shouted, hurling the potent flame spell at Edge. The ninja stood there dumbfounded.

"But…my shield was meant to block Glare, not…BLAGH!" Edge screamed as the fire spell burned him to a crisp. "I demand a pay raise!"

Director: Cut…I need a muffin.

Rubicante meets Edge in Final Fantasy IV Take 6:

"Rubicante! At last!" Edge announced, stepping closer to the Autarch of Flame.

"Am I supposed to know who you are?" Rubicante demanded coolly.

"I am Edge, prince of Eblan!" Edge answered confidently, holding his sword out.

"Eblan? I don't think I've heard that name before." The fiend replied.

"It doesn't matter, because you are about to meet your demise!" Edge continued.

Director: This is going well so far! Keep it up!

The two clashed together: Edge with his sword and Rubicante with his dirk. Edge was good, but slowly Rubicante began to overcome him. So the ninja unleashed his Flame attack.

Rubicante laughed as the flames healed him.

"Poor technique. Let me show you how it is done. GL…" Rubicante started, but just then, a group of people walked onscreen. It was Reno of the Turks, followed by Terra Branford and Zack Fair.

"And here, we have Naruto the sissy ninja battling the grim reaper wannabe. Moving on…" Reno commented to his companions before moving on.

"What the…I DO NOT LOOK LIKE NARUTO!" Edge roared.

Director: Dammit, Reno, the tour wasn't until 5:00 pm…cut!

Cecil fights Kain Highwind in Fabul Take 1:

Cecil, the honorable dark knight, faced his once best friend, filled with feelings of confusion. Why would Kain betray him?

"Are you ready to face me Cecil?" Kain demanded, lifting his spear. Cecil responded by coughing once…and then twice. And then the dark knight fell to his knees and started gasping for breath.

Director: He's choking! Someone get him some air!

Kain dropped his spear and ran to his friend, searching for a way to help his suffocating friend. Then he went to Cecil's visor and opened it. Cecil sighed in relief and began to breathe easier again.

Director: Why are you having trouble breathing in your armor?

"There's no air holes in this thing!" Cecil complained.

Cecil fights Kain Highwind in Fabul Take 2:

Cecil, the honorable dark knight, faced his once best friend, filled with feelings of confusion. Why would Kain betray him?

"Are you ready to face me Cecil?" Kain demanded, lifting his spear. Cecil responded throwing down his sword and looking at the director with indignation.

"What? Are. You. Kidding. Me. You want me to face KAIN BEEPING HIGHWIND? ARE YOU INSANE?" Cecil screamed.

Director: It's part of the script…

"That's the only excuse you have for unleashing a BEEPING GOD on me? I demand a pay raise!" Cecil shot back. He opened his mouth again to argue some more, but Kain finally got sick of listening and had conked the dark knight on the helmet, nearly crushing it. Cecil fell to the ground, out cold.

Director: Thank you. Get his helmet fixed and let's start over.

Cecil fights Kain Highwind in Fabul Take 3:

Cecil, the honorable dark knight, faced his once best friend, filled with feelings of confusion. Why would Kain betray him?

"Are you ready to face me Cecil?" Kain demanded, lifting his spear. Cecil shook his head, not wanting to fight his friend.

"Ready your sword, fool!" Kain shouted, leaping high off the ground and bringing his spear down with great force. Cecil brought his sword up to block. However, when the spear hit the blade, the force of impact was so great that the crystal floor was shattered and Cecil was driven over ninety feet underground.

"Oops. I think I hit a little too hard," Kain commented, staring down the hole.

Director: CUT! Kain, I thought I told you to bring your FOAM spear today!

"Foam spears are for pussies!" Kain complained.

Cecil fights Kain Highwind in Fabul Take 4:

Cecil, the honorable dark knight, faced his once best friend, filled with feelings of confusion. Why would Kain betray him?

"Are you ready to face me Cecil?" Kain demanded, lifting his spear. Cecil shook his head, not wanting to fight his friend.

"Ready your sword, fool!" Kain shouted. Cecil did so, but noticed that the dragoon had not lifted his spear.

Director: Kain…what are you doing?

Kain stared hard at Cecil, and then jerked his gaze down to the floor. Cecil screamed as he was abruptly wrenched through the crystal floor and fell again….ninety feet underground.

"Yeah, I can manipulate people with my mind!" Kain bragged.

Director: Cut…..why are you all idiots….?

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The three muses were now all on the floor, laughing their asses off. It took five minutes for Kamec to crawl over to the TV and turn it off.

"Damn it to HELL, Kamec, why'd you turn it off?" Fang demanded.

"It's 2:56 am," Kamec commented. Fang and Terraform nodded in understanding and went to their beds and attempted to sleep.

"Tomorrow, we are getting me a wig…." Terraform grumbled.

"Shut up and sleep," Fang retorted.

"Well, this s-OOMPH!" Kamec grunted as Fang slammed his fist on his stomach.


	2. Final Fantasy I

I thought I'd write a second chapter, since there is so much that can be made fun of in the series. Don't get me wrong, I love Final Fantasy, but there are certain times where you just want to see the characters let go and act a little OOC so you can laugh. Also, I've already received a review telling me what I already know. I know that this isn't the crossover section, but I can only choose two categories for a crossover, and there are more final fantasy categories than I can include, so I decided to just put the story in this category. So please refrain from telling me this obvious fact. I am not violating this category yet, since the games I've focused on so far have been 1 and 4.

Warrior of Light: Are you finished talking?

Um….not quite…..

Warrior of Light: As you can see, we have readers waiting. Make haste.

Stop being so uptight…..Mr. Shiny…but anyway, this set of bloopers will focus mostly on Final Fantasy 1. Chaos and Garland and the four warriors of light will make their debut here.  
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Fang was the first to wake. He yawned and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes. Looking at his fellow muses in the other beds, h e scowled.

"Wake up," he commanded. When the others didn't stir, he was even more enraged. "Damn it to hell, I said WAKE THE HELL UP!"

"Ahh where's the fire!" Terraform yelled, sitting bolt upright in his bed. Kamec soon stirred and glared at Terraform.

"On your head, idiot," the muse remarked. A vein pulsed in Terraform's neck and he flushed in anger.

"That is IT! I am going to buy a wig….RIGH T NOW!" Terraform roared, storming out of the room….only to come sprinting back in and curling up in a shaking ball under the desk.

"What the hell happened to you?" Fang asked, laughing at how pitiful the muse looked. An arm rose and pointed, shaking, out the door. Kamec peeked outside to see Rubicante stalk by the front of the room.

"Excuse me, is this Terraform's room?" Rubicante inquired politely. Kamec blanched and took a step back.

"Yes….why?" Fang asked. Rubicante grabbed Fang's hand and put something in it.

"I have something of his that I would like to return," Rubicante finished. "Good day."

Fang peeked at what Rubicante had given him. It took him a few seconds to figure out what it was, but then he burst into laughter.

"Let me see!" Kamec urged, walking over to him. Fang gave him the object, and soon Kamec joined Fang in laughing his ass off.

"What? What is it?" Terraform demanded, standing up now that Rubicante was gone. Kamec wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes and handed the object to Terraform.

Terraform was lost for words as he looked at it. It was a tuft of golden brown hair…which was the same color as the hair he had lost.

"WHY!" Terraform wailed, throwing his hands in the air. He did make sure to hold on to the hair, however.

Just then, a man dressed in red clothing poked his head into the room.

"Are you the muses?" the man asked. Fang nodded, while Kamec was trying to console Terraform, who was attempting to jump out the window.

"I'm Maximillian, the Red Wizard. I'm here to guide you to your first stop in the tour!" the man announced.

"Red Wizard? Does that mean you are one of the Warriors of Light?" Kamec asked after he finished tying Terraform to a bed post.

"Yep! That's me!" Maximillian replied. "Are you coming?"

"Hell yeah! Let's go Max!" Fang answered, walking out the door behind the Red Wizard.

"DON'T CALL ME ME MAX!" the wizard hollered. Fang shrugged and grinned mischievously.

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After a little walk, the three muses found themselves in the Square Enix studios. They were in the filming room, and the Director was about to commence filming of Final Fantasy 1. Maximillian, as well as the Ninja, the Samauri, and the iconic Warrior of Light popularized in the Dissidia series were all standing in the center of the room. These were the four Warriors of Light.

Director: All right, everybody! Today, we have three very special guests! So no **** ups! Let's show them how we work!

"This is gonna be good," Kamec whispered as the lights dimmed and the beginning began to roll.

**Beginning Credits Take 1:**

_This world has been engulfed by darkness,_

"Well, duh, the lights are off!" screamed a voice from back stage.

Director: Shhhh!

_The wind stops,_

All of a sudden, the three muses jumped in surprise as somebody turned a fan on in the background.

Director: I hate my job.

_The sea rages, the earth begins to rot,_

Director: EEP! *dives under his chair, then emerges while looking foolish when nothing happens.

_But the people believe in one prophecy and wait for it._

"WE'RE STILL WAITING FOR IT!" screamed the same voice again, only to be shushed again by the director.

_When this world is dyed dark, four Warriors of Light shall appear._

There was silence from back stage.

_When this world is dyed dark, four Warriors of Light shall appear._

Still silence.

_When this world is dyed dark, four Warriors of Light shall appear…_

Director: APPEAR DAMMIT!

"Oh right, that's our cue!" Maximillian whispered. Then there was a shuffling and scuffling sound.

"The warrior class goes first!"

"I don't think so, the Red Wizard is always first!"

"Yeah right! Wizards are pussies!"

"SCREW YOU!"

"MAKE ME!"

"GLADLY!"

Director: GET ON WITH THE SCENE!

**Cornelia Castle Gate:**

The guard paced back and forth on top of the gatehouse, sighing. Since the princess had been kidnapped, security had been increased.

However, he knew that this would be another boring shift, since nothing ever really happened around this place. However, the guard was proven wrong as he glanced out towards the horizon and saw four men dressed in strange clothing approaching.

"Halt! You four, state your business!" the guard hailed them when they were close enough. The nearest man, who was dressed in blue armor and a horned helmet, was the one who answered.

"Greetings, honorable guard. We are here to meet with your King," the Warrior of Light called up to the guard.

"That is acceptable, but I will need to know your names," the guard replied. The Warrior of Light suddenly turned white.

"I….I…crap," the man sighed, slumping his shoulders.

"What the hell? He wasn't supposed to ask for our names….?" Ninja said.

"We weren't even named yet!" Samurai added.

"I was!" Maximillian argued…and was then thrown to the ground by Ninja and the others proceeded to stomp on his head.

"SHUT IT!" the Warrior of Light screamed.

Director: Perhaps I should have given them canonical names…..

**The Quest is Assigned: **

"Oh honorable Warriors of Light, please defeat Garland!" the King pleaded. The four Warriors of Light exchanged glances and nodded.

"We shall do as you command, O King," the Warrior of Light replied. The King's visage brightened visibly, and he let a smile grace his face.

"Thank you ever so much! I can't imagine having my Christmas Dinner without my daughter by my side!" the King finished.

With that, the four left the throne room. The King relaxed on his throne and allowed himself a moment of rest. He was sure that the Warriors would deal with the threat of…

"DIE GARLAND! I WILL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND BURN THEM IN THE FIRES OF-!" the king shot up in his chair as he heard battle cries from the dining room. That was impossible, there was no way Garland could be here…

The King ran past fleeing servants and entered the dining room. He stood dumbfounded at the sight before him.

Warrior was ripping the garland off the royal Christmas tree and throwing it to the ground, Ninja was stamping on a pile of them, Maximillian was…crunching some in between his teeth, and Samurai was tearing some more to shreds.

The King opened and closed his mouth dumbly for a few seconds and then he let his head fall into his palm.

"The kingdom is doomed…" he lamented.

**The Confrontation with Garland Take 1:**

There was an air of anticipation in the air as the four men finally entered the final chamber of the Old Chaos Shrine. They were fully rested, and they all knew that this was the room where Garland was holding the princess.

As they walked under the light, they saw the princess. She was tied to the back wall of the room, just above the throne.

"Wait, don't come any closer! It's a trap!" she called. Warrior reacted instantly, drawing his sword and whirling around. Garland, the corrupted knight, was among them in an instant.

"I assume you are here for the princess?" Garland growled, swinging his exotic sword in a deadly circle. Warrior ducked under the weapon as Ninja stepped back and began to hurl razor blades at Garland.

"We won't let you hold her!" Samurai roared, swinging his katana. Garland grabbed the sword by the blade and wrenched it from Samurai's hand.

"You utter imbeciles. You think I'll just let you waltz in here and take her? I, Garland, will KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!"

A silence followed….and then the four Warriors of Light dropped their weapons and began to laugh hysterically.

"Hahah…THAT'S your catchphrase? Heehee!" Warrior remarked.

"That's pathetic! Hyo hyo hyo!" Ninja guffawed. Garland growled and threw his giant sword to the ground.

"You can all just shut up! It was in the script!" the knight growled. When the four kept laughing. Garland grumbled. "I'm going to kill that director…"

Director: OH S**T!

Fang, Terraform, and Kamec watched in amusement as Garland tore through the backdrop of the Chaos Shrine and began to chase the director around the room.

"Well, this s-ACK!" Kamec started to say, and then he was abruptly wrenched out of his chair by the chain from Garland's multiform sword and was used to beat the director half to death.

Fang and Terraform looked at one another and laughed.

**The Confrontation with Garland Take 2:**

There was an air of anticipation in the air as the four men finally entered the final chamber of the Old Chaos Shrine. They were fully rested, and they all knew that this was the room where Garland was holding the princess.

As they walked under the light, they saw the princess. She was tied to the back wall of the room, just above the throne. The cursed knight Garland was just in front of her, bent over his sword. There was a strange humming sound emitting from in front of him.

"His back is to us, let's ambush him!" Warrior suggested, drawing his sword. The other warriors agreed and they snuck up on Garland.

"That will not work, pathetic warriors. I knew you were here since you entered the Chaos Shrine!" Garland replied, startling the four men.

"Then let us fight!" Maximillian roared.

"Sure, as soon as I finish lunch," Garland said, not even turning around. Warrior wrinkled his brow in confusion. Lunch?

"Um…sorry, what?" The Warrior of Light asked, not believing what he had just heard. Garland sighed and rose from his position, revealing sword….that was currently in the form of a microwave.

"I'm cooking LUNCH!" Garland roared, shooting a fire ball at the Warrior, who easily blocked it.

"You…have a microwave in that thing?" Ninja asked tentatively.

"Of course! It also contains a screwdriver, a wrench, a pair of pliers, a pair of wire cutters, a fork, a knife, a spoon, a spork, a syringe, a bottle opener, a pair of tweezers, a toothpick, a nail file, a pair of scissors, a saw, a hook, a pen, a pencil, an eraser, a magnifying glass, a fish scaler, a key ring, a flash drive, a digital clock, a LED light, a speedometer, a voltmeter, an ammeter, a laser pointer, an MP3 player, a Bluetooth, a hammer, a corkscrew, a match, an Xbox, a Stereo System, a candle, a drill, a pillow, a hanger, a chin-up bar, a computer, a chain, an auxiliary sword, an axe, a lighter, a cigar, a bottle of armor polish, a tube of toothpaste, a tooth brush, a…" Garland droned.

"WE GET THE PICTURE!" all four warriors roared at once.

Director: Do these guys even look at the script?

**The Four Fiends Take 1  
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Garland, his body dying, lay on the floor of the Chaos Shrine. The Warrior of Light, who was the only one left conscious, withdrew his sword from the knight's middle and fell to one knee, panting.

"You were an honorable opponent, Garland, but you succumbed to the darkness. This was your downfall," the Warrior admonished him.

"Don't….patronize…me…." Garland ground out as his life ebbed away. The Warrior of Light merely looked on in sadness as the last breath of life finally left the body of the knight.

"Did we do it?" Ninja asked, finally rising from unconsciousness. The Warrior of Light nodded. "Are you sure he's dead?"

The Warrior of Light bent over Garland, and went to check his pulse. All of a sudden, Garland leapt up from the ground, morphed his sword into an axe, and slammed it down upon the Warrior of Light with bone-crushing force.

"I CRUSHED YOU! AHAHAHAHA!" Garland roared as the wide-eyed Ninja watched.

Director: Garland…you are supposed to be dead…

"I just had to. It was too sickening for me to watch anymore," Garland replied, as the three muses chuckled in the background.

"WE DIDN'T EVEN GET TO APPEAR THIS TIME!" screamed the four Fiends from off stage.

**The Four Fiends Take 2:**

Garland watched in agony as the Warriors of Light took the princess and left the shrine. All of his planning, all of his hard work, wasted! If only he had been stronger, then the princess would have been his! Now there was nothing left for him to do but lie there, bleeding his life away in this accursed ruin.

All of a sudden, there was a flash of light, and four imposing figures appeared in the center of the room. Garland's breath caught in his throat as he saw them.

There was a skeleton cloaked in darkness, a scaly woman wreathed in flames, a half man half squid from which water emanated in a steady stream, and a five headed dragon. These were the Four Fiends. They had come for him.

"WHAT THE F*** ARE THOSE THINGS! KEEP AWAY, KEEP AWAAAAY!" Garland screamed, forgetting that he was supposed to be hurt and running off stage and promptly tripping over the backdrop. "CRAP!"

"Wassss it ssssomething I ssssaid?" Lich asked, shrugging and looking at the others.

Director: What am I going to do with you all…..?

**The Four Fiends Take 3:**

Garland watched in agony as the Warriors of Light took the princess and left the shrine. All of his planning, all of his hard work, wasted! If only he had been stronger, then the princess would have been his! Now there was nothing left for him to do but lie there, bleeding his life away in this accursed ruin.

All of a sudden, there was a flash of light, and four imposing figures appeared in the center of the room. Garland's breath caught in his throat as he saw them.

There was a skeleton cloaked in darkness, a scaly woman wreathed in flames, a half man half squid from which water emanated in a steady stream, and a five headed dragon. These were the Four Fiends. They had come for him.

"Wait a minute! Wait just a freaking second!" screamed a voice from offstage. The four Fiends turned to see a very irate Barbariccia, the Fiend of Wind from Final Fantasy IV, come storming onstage, followed by Rubicante, Scarmiglione, and Cagnazzo.

"Who the hell are you guysssss?" Lich demanded. He was soon confronted by Scarmiglione, who was a rotting, immense corpse of a long dead beast that made Lich look tame.

"I am the real Fiend of Earth! I am here to kill all those who impersonate me!" the undead lord hissed, and then it tackled Lich, who abruptly fought back with his powers.

"The Fiend of Fire cannot be a woman!" Rubicante roared at Marilith. "NO ONE IS HOTTER THAN ME!"

Rubicante then summoned up flames hotter than the sun and hurled them at Marilith, who was quick to fight back.

"You are more suited for Japanese pornography than you are for being a Fiend!" Cagnazzo screamed at Kraken, who roared back indignantly and struck out at the Drowned King.

"We are the REAL Four Fiends! You are nothing but pitiful mockeries of us!" Barbariccia hollered at Tiamat, and then they began to grapple fiercely.

Garland and the Director stood beside each other off-stage, watching the eight fiends engaging in a ruthless battle that was quickly destroying the backdrop in a melee of earth, wind, fire, and water.

Director: I don't get paid enough for this….

"Agreed," replied Garland.

**The Four Fiends Take 4:**

Garland watched in agony as the Warriors of Light took the princess and left the shrine. All of his planning, all of his hard work, wasted! If only he had been stronger, then the princess would have been his! Now there was nothing left for him to do but lie there, bleeding his life away in this accursed ruin.

All of a sudden, there was a flash of light, and four imposing figures appeared in the center of the room. Garland's breath caught in his throat as he saw them.

There was a skeleton cloaked in darkness, a scaly woman wreathed in flames, a half man half squid from which water emanated in a steady stream, and a five headed dragon. These were the Four Fiends. They had come for him.

"Hang on….I feel like we've done this before!" Marilith interrupted.

"I know, suddenly I am experiencing an intense feeling of Déjà vu," Tiamat concurred.

"AGH! IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE CAUGHT IN AN ENDLESS CYCLE!" Kraken roared. Hearing this, Garland choked with laughter and rose from his position on the floor.

"Oh…the irony…" he commented.

Director: I am surrounded by morons…..

**Reunion with Garland Take 1:**

The four warriors entered the Chaos Shrine again, two thousand years in the past, and were surprised to find that it was whole again instead of crumbling, like it was in the present time.

"Look! Sitting on the throne…is that…?" Samurai said suddenly, pointing at a figure that was shrouded by darkness. The figure, upon hearing them, stood up from the throne and entered the light.

"Hahaha…long time, no see, warriors!" sounded a familiar voice.

"Garland!" The Warrior of Light exclaimed, for it was indeed Garland who stood before them.

"So you have…" Garland began, only to be cut off as a random teenage girl ran onstage and tackled him to the floor in a hug.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!" she squealed in sheer happiness.

Director: Oh for the love of…who let the fangirl in?

"Don't look at me!" Fang said innocently, still holding the million dollar check that he had just received.

**Reunion with Garland Take 2:**

The four warriors entered the Chaos Shrine again, two thousand years in the past, and were surprised to find that it was whole again instead of crumbling, like it was in the present time.

"Look! Sitting on the throne…is that…?" Samurai said suddenly, pointing at a figure that was shrouded by darkness. The figure, upon hearing them, suddenly screamed and ran offstage.

"DAMMIT WARRIORS I WASN'T FINISHED PUTTING MY ARMOR ON YET!" Garland roared in embarrassment.

Director: You know…one of the conditions of being hired was that you had to be ready at all times….

**Reunion with Garland Take 3:**

"So let me get this straight….we killed you, and then your dead body was raped and somehow you appeared this far back in time?" Ninja asked, still confused.

"What? No! Nobody raped me! They did some sort of magic that went inside me and I appeared here!" Garland protested while the other three warriors cracked up on the floor behind them.

"So what you are saying is that you were gang raped by shiny time traveling lights?" Ninja asked again, trying to clarify Garland's story.

"NOBODY RAPED ME YOU IMBECILE!" Garland roared at the hapless Ninja. "Let's start from the beginning. I died."

"That part I get. You tripped over a pillar and fell on some spikes while the Warrior of Light gibbered to himself," Ninja replied.

"No….." Garland growled, quickly losing patience. "I was stabbed."

"By the spikes, right. I said I got that part. Next?" Ninja added. Garland emitted a groan and clenched his free hand into a fist.

"NO! I was stabbed by the Warrior of Light!" the knight screamed.

"Oh, I gotcha. While he was gibbering, the Warrior of Light managed to stab you!" Ninja replied, grinning.

"What the…THERE WAS NO GIBBERING!" Garland snapped. Ninja looked confused.

"Then who said, 'heheh look at the fight it's so special I want to suck their blood and draw satanic symbols on their bare chests as they die!'?" Ninja asked, confused again.

"I…I…HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?" Garland shot back, utterly frustrated.

"Got it. So while somebody ranted in the background, the Warrior of Light stabbed you and you died." Ninja continued.

"Right," Garland sighed, glad that they had finally got something straight.

"…and then the shiny lights violated you and sent you to the past," Ninja finished.

"Yeah, right. Whatever," Garland sighed, just wanting to end this pointless conversation.

"Hey everyone! Garland was raped by shiny lights!" Ninja declared to the other warriors of light.

"THAT IS IT! I'LL CRUSH YOU!" Garland roared, finally losing his temper. He morphed his sword into a chain and tore it right through Ninja in one swift move.

"Aerith! I need a Great Gospel," Ninja moaned while the other Warriors of Light snickered in the background. There was no answer. "Aerith?"

"Hey there she is!" Kamec whispered, pointing. The other two mused looked to see the flower girl….making out with Edge on the couch.

"Would you look at that?" Terraform gasped. "I thought she was Cloud's girl!"

All of a sudden, Edge's eyes widened in sheer terror and he broke away from Aerith and started sprinting away as if the apocalypse was coming. The three muses looked on in amusement as Zack and Cloud charged past Aerith with demented looks on their faces.

"EDGE, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BALLS OFF AND FEED THEM TO FERAL CHAOS!" Zack roared.

"YOU BETTER HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD LAWYER!" Cloud screamed.

A silence followed as Kamec, Terraform, Fang, and Aerith just stared off in the direction the men had gone. Aerith pouted.

"Now who am I going to make out with?" she whimpered. The other two muses looked on in surprise as Fang suddenly ran over to her.

"I think I can help you with that, ma'am," Fang said suggestively, winking at her. Aerith stared at him for a second, and then shrugged. Then she began to make out with him while the other two muses promptly had to pick their jaws up from the ground.

"How the HELL does he get so lucky?" Kamec groaned.

"I feel like tearing my hair out!" Terraform grunted. Kamec looked at him in confusion, and then Terraform remembered and began to cry his eyes out.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

A little while later, the three muses were escorted out of the studio by the Four Fiends, since the director needed time to fix everything.

Marilith had taken a liking to Terraform for some reason, and was constantly rubbing her body up against the bald muse. Terraform, unlike one would expect, was enjoying this treatment.

"What the heck, Terraform? You know she's half snake…right?" Kamec whispered to the muse, who was at the moment, rubbing Marilith's bare chest with his free hand. Terraform leaned in close to Kamec.

"Yeah, but she promised to give me my hair back if I gave her some wild sex tonight," the muse whispered, and Kamec blanched.

"Yeah, but her lower body is a…snake! Where would you…you know?" Kamec asked, trying to visualize, but failing.

"I think she can give herself legs," Terraform conjectured. Kamec shrugged and they continued walking.

Fang was walking arm in arm with Aerith, still kissing her every so often. Kamec glared at them in jealousy. How come everyone else got a girl?

"FANG, YOU GIRL STEALER!" all of a sudden Fang saw Cloud and Zack charging at him. Instead of running and screaming like Edge did, Fang just snapped his fingers and Sephiroth appeared in a whirlwind of black feathers.

"Sic 'em," Fang said simply. Sephiroth drew his seven foot long katana and smiled grimly.

"OH SHIT!" screamed the two men, and they began to run the other way, screaming like little girls as Sephiroth chased them away.

Kamec seethed in jealousy as his two friends enjoyed their female company.

"Well, aren't you looking rather down…" came many female voices that were somehow entwined into one, singular voice. Kamec turned in horror to see a blue, nine foot tall woman with tentacles emerging from her back and an eye on her breast.

"!" Kamec screamed at the top of his lungs, running as fast as his legs could take him away from Jenova, who merely smiled and followed him slowly.

"What's the matter, young boy?" Jenova whispered.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Eventually, Fang, Aerith, Terraform, and Marilith reached their floor where their room is.

"Good night Fang! I'll see you in the morning!" Terraform gloated as he was led into Marilith's room. Fang shrugged.

"You want to come to bed, girl?" Fang asked, winking at Aerith. She grinned, and followed Fang inside.

As they climbed into bed, Fang noticed Kamec lying in the fetal position underneath the desk and whimpering like a scared girl.

"Kamec, you might not want to be in here…its fixing to get loud!" Fang warned the muse. Kamec nodded and extricated himself from the desk and left the room.

Kamec sighed as he was left alone out in the hall. Maybe he could ask Garland if he could share a room, since his fellow muses were off having sex or something.

"I found you, boy…it's no use hiding from me…" came an all too familiar female voice from behind. It was Jenova.

"HEEEELLLLPPPP MEEEEEEEE!"


	3. Final Fantasy II

Just as a note, I am not racist or bias in anyway. The stereotypes shown below are shown merely as a source of simple entertainment.

No real reviews yet, but I'm enjoying myself while I'm writing, so I'll just keep on while nobody reads it. This chapter will focus on Final Fantasy II and its awesomeness. We have the Emperor, who is arguably the most badass villain ever made!

Emperor Mateus: So…you are emitting two conflicting views of Me. Where do your loyalties truly lie?

With you of course. I totally want to see you rise to ever new heights! Can I be your Empress? Please?

Emperor Mateus: Ha ha ha…such spirit for one so young. If you truly wish to stand by My side, then impress Me. Show Me my opponents as the fools they are.

Your wish is my command, Emperor!

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Fang woke up beside Aerith, who was still fast asleep…and naked. He sighed in contentment and rose from the bed. He didn't bother waking her, because he knew she would be able to manage that on her own.

He left his room and saw that the hotel was bustling with activity. Garland was chasing a hapless Maximillian, who was trying to get away with the knight's multiform sword. Firion was running down the stairs, holding all of his weapons in a bundle. Many other people from across the Final Fantasy series were there.

Cloud stalked by, glaring hard at Fang. Fang noticed this and wagged his finger at the blonde, which just made him growl and push past him.

Ignoring the people around him, Fang walked over to Marilith's room and knocked, although he was scared as to what he was going to see.

"Terraform! We have to get back to the studios again today!" Fang called. There was a thump from inside, and a faint hissing.

The door then opened to reveal…Terraform. Only he looked completely different. He had hair. And it wasn't the hair he had originally. His new hair was pitch black, and longer than his shoulders. His bangs were so long and thick, they covered up one of his eyes. The other eye was now green and not brown, and the pupil was slitted like a cat's.

"How do you like my new look, Fang?" Terraform gloated, flipping his hair back happily. Fang shrugged.

"Nice, dude. Nice. Although I have to admit I didn't expect the fiend to follow through on her part of the deal," the muse replied.

"She did. And I think I'm in love. You coming, girl?" Terraform called back inside. Fang stared as he first saw the naked chest of Marilith come gliding out of the door, followed by the massive coils of her reptilian tail.

"Don't get so familiar with me, boy. Remember, when you are with me, your will is of no concern," Marilith hissed angrily. Terraform blanched and nodded, while Fang chuckled at his friend's expense. "Now, I must return to the studio. I will see you all….later."

"Now where the heck is Kamec?" Fang asked rhetorically, scanning the hallway.

"Hey, that rhymed! You are a poet and you didn't realize it!" Terraform quipped, causing Fang to stare at him incredulously.

"Did you just...?" Fang started.

"What?" Terraform asked innocently. Fang sighed at his friend's stupidity and they continued searching the hall for Kamec.

Then a man dressed in black and purple robes and silver hair glided by. When he passed the two muses, he stopped.

"If you are looking for your friend, he is in Jenova's room," the man, who was really Emperor Mateus, informed them. "But be warned, he is not entirely sane at the moment."

"Thanks!" Terraform called, and the two muses went to the room in question. Unlike the other rooms, the door to Jenova's room was made of dark grey steel, and its handle was a small wheel in the center. On the upper half of the door was Jenova's name in the same dark grey color.

"That looks….awfully ominous," Fang commented. Terraform shrugged and opened the door, which opened with an equally ominous squeal.

Inside was a massive, glowing blue tank that contained an unknown liquid. Suspended inside was Jenova herself, the silver strands of her hair floating aimlessly in every direction.

Chained to the wall halfway up to the ceiling was a whimpering Kamec.

"Jesus, man, what happened to you?" Fang asked. Kamec was battered and bruised all over, with several minor scrapes and cuts marking his body. His clothes hung on him in tatters, as if a wild beast had clawed him.

"It's…IT'S….IT'S TOO HORRIBLE! WAAAGH!" Kamec howled. "GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE SHE WAKES UP!"

"Oookay then…" Terraform commented. "Come on Fang, help me get him down."

With Fang's help, the two muses freed Kamec and lowered him to the ground….and then he promptly collapsed. Fang sighed and then they slowly dragged him outside.

Before long, Kamec, although still scarred for life, was now dressed presentably. Then the three muses descended the stairs to the lobby. When they got there, they were escorted to the studios by the Warrior of Light.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

"All right, we are here. Show us what you got for us!" Fang announced.

Director: Very well. We were just about to start filming Final Fantasy II.

"This ought to be good," Terraform commented.

**The Dark Knights Take 1:**

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to…oh for the love of God, where the hell is Keenan?" The leading dark knight began. The knights began to chatter in confusion as they looked around for their companion.

"Why is he always la…"the knight began again, but then another dark knight came charging in on a horse…and then stumbled on a rock and both horse and rider began to tumble down the hill.

"OH GODDAMMIT F***ING SON OF A BITCH OW MY SPINE OW MY RIBS WHO THE HELL PUT A OOMPH!" screamed the knight as he and the horse rolled over and under each other, breaking many bones in the process. Finally, the knight hit the ground and let out a gurgle. "F***!"

"Keenan….can't you see we are trying to show the players how evil we are by killing these rebels? How are they ever going to take us seriously after what you just did?" the leader of the dark knights demanded.

"What rebels?" Keenan asked from his position under the horse.

"Those rebe…oh goddammit," the knight sighed after he saw that Firion and the others were long gone.

Director: You are the worst knights I've ever seen. Keenan, I'm docking your pay!

"SCREW THIS JOB!" Keenan shouted in anger.

**The Dark Knights Take 2:**

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

Firion motioned for his friends to stay back as the first dark knight charged towards them. Confused, but trusting Firion, the others did so.

"SHIELD BASH, BITCH!" Firion yelled, and a holographic shield appeared in front of him. The second the knight's lance touched it, the shield pushed forward and staggered the knight and Firion followed it up with a flurry of sharp knives that soon killed the knight easily.

Director: Cut! Firion, this is Final Fantasy II, not Dissidia!

"What you mean I can't use shield bash?" Firion asked indignantly.

Director: No.

"THIS GAME SUCKS!" Firion screamed into space.

**The Dark Knights Take 3:**

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

Firion motioned for his friends to stay back as the first dark knight charged towards them. Confused, but trusting Firion, the others did so.

"Jump!" Firion cried, jumping extremely high in the air before coming down like a meteor. However, he wasn't able to hit the ground before a dark purple figure streaked across the air faster than the eye can see and grabbed him in the middle. Firion screamed as their momentum carried him all the way to a large tree…breaking his back like a twig.

"What…the hell…was that….for?" Firion questioned. His voice died in his throat as he saw who had tackled him. Standing in front of him looking no worse for wear….was Kain Highwind. "…eep!"

"That is my move," Kain affirmed simply. Firion nodded weakly and then fainted.

Director: Kain…you are on the wrong set…..

**The Dark Knights Take 4:**

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

As the knights charged, Firion prepared to face them. Then all of a sudden, he heard something from behind the trees. Something was snapping the trunks like a twig and approaching at a high speed. It was also screaming something that sounded vaguely like….

"K K K K K K A A A A M M M M I I I I K K K K A A A A Z Z Z Z E E E E!" At that second, Terraform the muse blazed out of the trees, surrounded by an aura of wind and intense flame. Moving at the speed of sound, the muse zoomed right through every single dark knight charging at Firion, obliterating them in an instant.

Director: Terraform…you are a muse, not an actor…..

**The Dark Knights Take 5:**

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

As the knights charged, Firion prepared to face them. Then all of a sudden, Kamec walked out of the forest and stood there proudly.

"It is I, Kamec! I am here to SAAAAAAAVE THE WOOOOORLD!" the muse declared. Firion instantly pulled out a wild rose and threw it at him, hitting him right in the temple and knocking him out.

"IDIOT!" Firion roared.

**The Dark Knights Take 5:**

Tired and breathless, Firion, Guy, Maria, and Leon found themselves in a clearing. They had been running all night, but they all knew that they couldn't run forever.

Firion gasped in surprise and horror as multitudes of Imperial Dark Knights began bursting out of the woods around them. They were surrounded.

"Firion!" Maria cried, rushing to his side and grabbing her bow. Guy readied his fists, and Leon hefted his sword. Firion growled and lifted his lance.

"You've come a long way from Fynn, but you have nowhere left to run! By order of the Emperor, all who oppose him shall be put to death! You peasants never learn do you?" the leader of the dark knights announced. "Knights….ATTACK!"

"Don't worry friends. I can handle this. I'll just summon Sephiroth here to help!" Firion declared.

"That's impossible. There's no way Sephiroth will ever help us!" Maria cried. Firion just smiled enigmatically.

"Oh my God! I think they kidnapped Jenova!" Firion gasped theatrically in an overly loud voice. All of a sudden, Sephiroth came charging out of the forest, his weapon drawn and an insane look on his face.

"JJJJEEEENNNNOOOOVVVVAAA!" Sephiroth screamed at the top of his lungs.

As the knights were slaughtered behind him, Firion turned to his friends, a cocky smile on his face.

"Yeah, I can do that," he affirmed.

Director: WTF!

**Minwu's Introduction Take 1:**

Firion groaned sleepily as he slowly faded into consciousness. The last thing he remembered was being nearly killed by the Dark Knights. This…this meant he escaped! He let a smile cross his lips as he realized this.

"Will he survive, Minwu?" came a feminine voice from above. Firion's ears twitched as he tried to figure out who it was. It sounded familiar.

"Yes, you're Highness. He should regain consciousness in no time. I feel strong energy from him," replied Minwu. Firion opened his eyes to see them. At first, his vision was fuzzy, but he was soon able to make out the figures above him. One was a female, and the other was…a…man….wearing….white robes…and a white mask…..

"AGH HELP ME! IT'S THE KU KLUX KLAN! RUN BLACK PEOPLE RUN!" Firion hollered in terror, leaping out of the bed he was lying on and bolting out of the room.

Princess Hilda and Minwu stood in silence for a second. Then Minwu let out an exasperated sigh.

"I should really start wearing something else..." the white mage said, while Hilda began to laugh hysterically next to him.

**Minwu's Introduction Take 2:**

Firion groaned sleepily as he slowly faded into consciousness. The last thing he remembered was being nearly killed by the Dark Knights. This…this meant he escaped! He let a smile cross his lips as he realized this.

"Will he survive, Minwu?" came a feminine voice from above. Firion's ears twitched as he tried to figure out who it was. It sounded familiar.

"Yes, you're Highness. He should regain consciousness in no time. I feel strong energy from him," replied Minwu. Firion opened his eyes to see them. At first, his vision was fuzzy, but he was soon able to make out the figures above him. One was a female, and the other was…a…man….wearing….white robes…and a white mask…..

"OH MY GOD IT'S A TERRORIST! THIS IS FOR 9/11 YOU BASTARD!" Firion screamed, leaping out of bed and dropkicking Minwu clear across the room. Hilda saw it happen and began to roll on the floor laughing.

Director: Firion! Get a hold of yourself or I'm docking your pay!

"Fine…" Firion pouted.

**Scott's Death Take 1:**

Scott, wounded near death, forced himself to rise and face Firion and his friends. He took something off his finger and proffered it to Firion.

"Here, take this ring…" Scott managed to say. Firion took it curiously and began to look it over. "It should prove…useful…."

"Scott! Are you okay?" Maria gasped, rushing to his side as the soldier stumbled.

"Oh, how tired I am…" Scott whispered, lying back down on the bed. "Please let me rest now."

As Scott closed his eyes, his steady inhaling began to grow sharper and more spread out, until finally his last breath rattled out from his lips.

Everyone bowed their heads and let their tears fall in silence, a motion of last respect to the warrior. Then, all of a sudden, Scott's body disappeared and the blankets fell to the bed as if they had never been disturbed. The group stared in surprise and incredulousness.

"The body disappeared," Firion said simply, stating what everybody was thinking. Then he turned to the blind healer who had been attending to Scott. "The body just f***ing disappeared, I mean you should see…OH SORRY!"

Director: Firion! Out of line!

**Scott's Death Take 2:**

Scott, wounded near death, forced himself to rise and face Firion and his friends. He took something off his finger and proffered it to Firion.

"Here, take this ring…" Scott managed to say. Firion took it curiously and began to look it over. "It should prove…useful…."

"Scott! Are you okay?" Maria gasped, rushing to his side as the soldier stumbled.

"Oh, how tired I am…" Scott whispered, lying back down on the bed. "Please let me rest now."

As Scott closed his eyes, his steady inhaling began to grow sharper and more spread out, until finally his last breath rattled out from his lips.

Everyone bowed their heads and let their tears fall in silence, a motion of last respect to the warrior. Then, all of a sudden, Scott's body disappeared and the blankets fell to the bed as if they had never been disturbed. The group stared in surprise and incredulousness.

"He has become one with the Force," Maria whispered, turning to look at the others. Firion stared at her wryly.

"Did you really just make that reference?" Firion asked as Guy and Minwu began to laugh.

Director: He has now become more powerful than you can ever imagi…I mean CUT! NO REFERENCES!

**Random Battle Take 1:**

Firion, Guy, Leila, and Maria were striding across the open plains, on their way to Fynn. It was time to retake the castle once and for all!

All of a sudden, the world began to fuzz out with strange pixilated lines and Firion felt a massive pain in his middle. He screamed in pain and his vision went blank.

When his vision returned, he saw before him several monsters that looked too eager to eat him.

"WHAT THE F***ING HELL JUST HAPPENED! I FEEL LIKE I JUST GOT SPLIT IN HALF!" Firion shouted at the top of his lungs, causing the other three to plug their ears.

Director: Cut! That was the battle transition. Get used to it, you'll be seeing it a lot.

Firion stared incredulously at the director before breaking down and crying like a child.

"Suddenly, the Emperor's rule doesn't seem so bad…" Firion sobbed as Maria patted him on the the pack.

**Random Battle Take 2:**

Firion, Guy, Leila, and Maria were striding across the open plains, on their way to Fynn. It was time to retake the castle once and for all!

Firion braced himself as the hellish battle transition occurred. It still hurt, but it was better to be prepared for it. Then his jaw dropped as he saw the monsters before them.

There was a massive white dragon standing in front of them, and it was surrounded by several Behemoth Kings.

"Um…those don't look like run of the mill monsters…." Firion whimpered, staring up at the dragon.

"That's….because they aren't…" Leila whispered, her face turning white with fear. "Those are all rank 7 or higher bosses…."

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Firion screamed, and him and the others scattered in different directions as the monsters chased them.

"OH MY GOD ITS GETTING CLOSER!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP!"

"TANNE…I MEAN GOD SAVE US"

"OH NO ITS GOT ME!"

"DON'T BITE…DON'T BITE ME….AGHAGH MY CROTCH!"

"DIRECTOR! HELP US PLEASE SCREAM CUT!"

But there was no answer. The three muses looked around and suddenly spotted the director chained to the tip of the highest tower of Fynn….screaming for his life.

"Wait, if the Director is up there, then who is running the camera?" Terraform asked. The three muses turned to look at the director's chair.

Sitting in the director's chair was none other than Emperor Mateus.

Emperor: Ha ha ha. It is as I expected. In time, all shall be begging for my reign!

All of a sudden, a random teenage girl who was dressed like an emo sprinted over to the Emperor and knelt at his feet.

"Oh I worship you your highness I'm begging you to rule us all you are the ultimate badass I want to have your babies can I suck your…" The emo fangirl began.

Emperor: Ha ha ha. It has already begun. Now, if you will all excuse me, I have some business to attend to .

The Emperor rose from the seat and began to glide away, but not before motioning for the girl to follow him. The emo fangirl grinned and licked her lips hungrily before following the Emperor out of the Studio.

The three muses watched him go. Then Kamec burst into tears while screaming about how everyone else got the real girls.

"Um…did the Emperor ever say cut?" Fang asked.

"MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

"I'll take that as a no," Terraform concluded.

**Random Battle Take 3:**

Firion, Guy, Minwu, and Maria were striding across the open plains, on their way to Bafsk. It was time to destroy the Dreadnought once and for all!

Firion braced himself as the hellish battle transition occurred. It still hurt, but it was better to be prepared for it.

The monsters were normal this time around, thank the Lord. The memories still stung in his mind.

Firion took out his lance, Maria took out her bow, Guy readied his fists, and Minwu….had nothing.

"Minwu, how are you supposed to attack if you don't have any weapons?" Firion asked, looking at the white mage curiously.

"Watch and learn, kids!" Minwu replied. He ripped open his robes to reveal sticks of dynamite strapped all over his body. Maria cast a quick fire spell on them.

"ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH!" Minwu screamed, charging at the monsters and shaking his head around like a crazy person. Firion stared wide-eyed as the white mage exploded upon the monsters, killing them instantly.

Then Maria cast a Life spell on the dead white mage, who promptly got back up and began to conjure up more dynamite out of thin air.

"As long as I have phoenix downs, I can do that over and over!" Minwu exclaimed happily. "Just like I did at the Twin…I MEAN OH SH**"

The Director sighed as he watched Minwu run for his life out of the room pursued by a murderous Firion.

Director: I really hate these guys sometimes.

**Meeting with Cid:**

Firion and his group walked into the Poft Pub, looking for the man named Cid. They needed an airship ride to Kashuan so that they could finally lay their hands on the Goddess Bell.

"Excuse me, sir, but do you know where I can find Cid?" Firion asked the Bartender, who chuckled at the question.

"Which one?" the man asked. When Firion gave him a confused look, the bartender shrugged and pointed upstairs.

"Weirdo," Firion muttered as he opened the door to Cid's room….to see a puzzling sight. There was a ton of men in there, none of whom he recognized. "Who the hell are they?"

They, in fact, consisted of Cid of the Lufaine, Cid the Engineer, Cid Haze, Cid Pollendina, Cid Previa, Cid Del Norte Marquez, Cid Highwind, Cid Kramer, Cid Fabool IX, Cid the Al Bhed, Cid the Hume, Cid Demen Bunansa, and Cid Raines.

"I guess when he asked which one, he meant it," commented Maria while Guy snickered.

Director: Dammit I asked for ONLY Cid the Engineer!

**Mythril:**

Gasping, Firion entered the blacksmith's house carrying the Mythril. Behind him followed his friends, who were equally tired. They hadn't expected to do this much just to get their hands on a lump of metal.

"Aha! It seems you've arrived….with Mithril!" Tobul, the smith, cried happily as he rushed out of his room.

"Yes, we have come with the _Mythril," _Firion replied, emphasizing the last word peculiarly.

"Splendid! Now, if you'll just hand the Mithril…" Tobul began.

"Mythril!" Firion cut across him. Tobul flushed at this blatant disrespect.

"Excuse me?" The blacksmith snapped.

"It's pronounced Mythril, not Mithril!" Firion answered irritably.

"No, young man, I'm sure its Mithril. That's how it was pronounced all my life," Tobul shot back.

"Then your life is wrong. It's totally Mythril," Firion countered. Firion's friends backed away from this spectacle, since the other customers began to notice this argument.

"No son, it's Mithril."

"Mythril."

"Mithril."

"MYTHRIL DAMMIT!"

"MITHRIL DAMMIT!"

"MYTHRIL!"

"MITHRIL!"

"MYTHRIL!"

"MITHRIL!"

"MYTHRIL YOU INSUFFERABLE OLD GEEZER!"

"MITHRIL YOU IGNORANT YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER!"

"I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR GODDAMNED MUSTACHE OFF AND BIND YOU WITH IT!"

"I'M GOING TO RIP THE PETALS OFF OF YOU PRECIOUS WILD ROSE!"

All of a sudden the argument stopped as Firion turned bright red in anger. Maria, Guy, and Minwu saw the warning signs and promptly ran out of the house, screaming for law enforcement.

A bright light surrounded Firion and he suddenly cast a potent Holy lvl. 16 spell on the hapless blacksmith. Then, the blonde leaped over the counter and began beating the crap out of Tobul with a rubber mallet.

"NOBODY MESSES WITH MY WILD ROSE! I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T WALK!" Firion roared, but the blacksmith had long since gone unconscious.

Director: Cut! Oh and for the record, the only line that was according to the script was the beginning…*cries*

**The Black Knight Take 1:**

Firion and his friends finally exited the cave to see the ramp that led to the Dreadnought that was currently in construction. Now all they had to do was get inside and destroy it from the inside out. That would be simple, the guards were no match for…

"Foolish rebels. The Dreadnought has already been completed!" sounded the voice of the Black Knight, who regally strode into sight….only to trip on the stairs and fall flat on his face.

Firion and his friends laughed uproariously as the Black Knight stood back up again to reveal the giant dent in his visor.

"I…can't….BREATHE!" the Black Knight screamed and pulled at his helmet.

Director: *sigh* somebody go and fix that dent…I've spent too much on this freaking game…..

**The Black Knight Take 2:**

Firion and his friends finally exited the cave to see the ramp that led to the Dreadnought that was currently in construction. Now all they had to do was get inside and destroy it from the inside out. That would be simple, the guards were no match for…

"Foolish rebels. The Dreadnought has already been completed!" sounded the voice of the Black Knight, who regally strode into sight….only to trip on the stairs and fall several feet to the floor below.

On the way down, his helmet fell off, revealing the familiar face of Leon. Upon realizing his helmet was off, Leon squealed and covered his face, running off stage as he did.

"You didn't see that!" Leon cried,

Director: Leon….get your act together or we are getting somebody else to play the Black Knight.

**The Black Knight Take 3:**

Firion and his friends finally exited the cave to see the ramp that led to the Dreadnought that was currently in construction. Now all they had to do was get inside and destroy it from the inside out. That would be simple, the guards were no match for…

"Foolish rebels. The Dreadnought has already been completed!" sounded the voice of the Black Knight, who regally strode into sight. He stood at the top of the ramp and stood with his sword point down.

"So what? We can still destroy it!" Firion replied, and the group went to face the Black Knight.

"None shall pass!" the Knight said in a steady voice. Firion wrinkled his brow in confusion.

"Of course we will, we will kill you if you get in the way!" he replied.

"Then you shall die!" the Knight said quickly and charged. Guy went to face him with his fists….and was abruptly impaled on the Black Knight's sword.

"OH SH** GUY!" Firion cried, and then screamed again as Minwu was sliced in half…again by the Knight.

"Um….RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Maria screamed and ran the other way.

"Right behind you!" Firion replied, sprinting back the way they'd come. "Back into the cave!"

"Running away are we?" The Black Knight yelled after them. "Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!"

Director: Cut….did you seriously just reference that movie?

**The Snowcraft:**

"So the only way to cross the Snow Fields is to use this so called Snowcraft of yours?" Firion asked Josef, who nodded.

"Stop asking so many questions, young one!" Josef replied as the group approached a strange blue stone. "Now, then where is that switch…."

Josef fiddled around with the stone for a second before there was a clearly audible click, and a portion of the wall opened.

"Oh, pretty nifty," Firion commented, following Josef inside. He looked around, but saw nothing remotely resembling a Snowcraft. All he saw was a small chest that rose to about his waist. "So….where is the Snowcraft?"

Josef didn't respond, and instead opened the chest and pulled out a giant boat-like vehicle from within. Firion stared in astonishment at the impossible feat.

"Wait a second. Wait just a COTTONPICKING SECOND!" Firion snapped. "Did you just pull a giant f***ing ship out of a pint sized box?"

Josef nodded, looking confused at Firion's sudden outburst.

"HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?" the rebel yelled back.

Director: Firion…it's in the script….unlike what YOU are saying!

**Leviathan:**

Firion stood beside Leila on the deck of the ship, reveling in the ocean breeze that gently lifted their hair before moving on to destinations unknown.

"The Mysidia Tower isn't far from here. It's just between those mountains," Leila informed him, gazing out at the looming mountain pass.

"Sweet, we don't have much longer to wait then!" Firion replied, yawning and stretching his arms.

Before he could finish relaxing, the boat shuddered. Firion gasped and looked over the side of the boat to see that the ocean was churning. Something was coming up from the ocean depths.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!" Firion screamed as a huge, scaly serpent emerged from the depths and glared at their ship in pure malice.

"It's Leviathan, the God of the Sea!" Leila yelled back. Both of them looked on in horror as Leviathan crunched its huge jaws down on the front of the ship and began to swallow it all up.

"GOODBYE LIIIIIIFEEEEE!" Firion shouted as the gnashing jaws came closer and closer. The last thing Firion heard before blacking out was the Leviathan's triumphant roar.

"OM NOM NOM!"

Director: Wait what? Leviathan, you are supposed to freaking ROAR, not go om nom nom! What the hell brought that on?

"Oh, it's because I planted a pair of speakers in his ear and made him listen to a certain song…" came a high-pitched female voice from behind the director. Terraform, Kamec, and Fang looked to see Rikku from Final Fantasy X emerge from the shadows.

"What the hell is she doing here? The FFX cast isn't supposed to show up until much later!" Kamec whispered to Fang.

"Who cares? Who needs an invitation when you have a rack like that?" Fang replied, causing Kamec to shrug and agree.

"I heard from the director that she was somewhat of a troublemaker," Terraform whispered.

Director: I'm not sure I want to know, but what song was it exactly?

Rikku smiled mischievously and pressed a button on her wristband. Then everybody winced as a very familiar song played over the loudspeakers.

"Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom, nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom, nom nom nom nom nom nom nom…"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN IT OFF!"

"MY EARS! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!"

"SOMEBODY KILL ME PLEASE!"

"I FEEL LIKE TEARING MY HAIR OUT NOW THAT I HAVE HAIR TO TEAR!"

"WEEEELLLLLL THISSSSS SUUUUUUU…OH GOD THAT'S A GRENADE I'M SORRY RIKKU!"

"DAMN IT ALL TO HEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!"

Then the music all of a sudden stopped. The Emperor walked into the studio and hefted his staff, which was glowing with a magical force.

"You insufferable fools, being laid low by a pathetic song. Bow at my feet like the insects that you are!" Mateus ordered, since it was clear that he was the one who stopped the music.

Director: Emperor, get back to the set before I….

"I said BOW!" the Emperor repeated with emphasis, and a powerful thunder rune appeared below the director and began to violently electrocute him until he was forced to kneel. As everyone else saw this, they all began to follow suit and kneel before the powerful Emperor of Palamecia. All except for Fang that is.

"Impressive feat dude. I think I'll be going now," Fang said to the Emperor and he began to leave the room.

"You'll not be going anywhere until I give the order," Mateus said ominously, his gaze snapping to the door that Fang was heading for. Suddenly, a matrix of blue and green lines of energy criss-crossed across the door, effectively barring Fang's exit.

"You can't order me to do anything!" Fang shot back, seeing that he had to face the Emperor.

"Ha ha ha. Defiant talk shall get you nowhere. Submit to your ruler!" Mateus replied forcefully, and he extended his hand. Evil lightning lanced out from his clawed hand and struck Fang, who promptly cried out in intense pain.

Kamec and Terraform watched wide-eyes as Fang was being tortured by the powerful magic of the Emperor.

"He totally deserves this," Kamec whispered to Terraform, who nodded in agreement.

"DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!" Fang yelled as the pain and force from the lightning forced him to his knees.

"Lowly worm," Mateus sneered and finally stopped electrocuting Fang, leaving the muse smoking and in pain on the floor. "I believe that I am done here. Farewell, gentlemen."

Director: *sighs in relief* I think I should have made a better choice in casting him.

Kerrigor: Nope. I'm totally glad you chose him.

Director: Wtf? The author shouldn't be talking in this story….

Kerrigor: It's my story! Why shouldn't I be able to talk? In fact…

Terraform, Fang, and Kamec jumped in surprise as a strange girl and a hedgehog appeared next to them. The girl was as tall as Fang, which was a surprise. She was a very pretty Latina with dark curly hair. The muses couldn't help staring at her well-formed body. Behind her was a familiar pink hedgehog with a hammer.

"Come on, Amy, I have some business with the Emperor," the girl said, walking out of the room.

"Who the heck was that?" Kamec asked. Fang and Terraform just shrugged.

Director: Can we get back to filming? We still have to show the Ultima scene….

"Fine, but not much more. I need to rest," Fang replied.

**Ultima Scene Take 1:**

After fighting the last Gigas, Firion was happy to see that this was the top of the tower. He sighed in relief as he saw Minwu, alive and well, standing before a crackling white door.

"You've come at last!" Minwu said, turning to see them. "I have been trying to break the seal, but I am finding it more difficult than I imagined."

"Do you have a plan?" Firion asked the white mage. At this, Minwu's eyes became very serious.

"I do. I will use all of the strength I have to break it," Minwu replied. "Stand back, all of you!"

Firion and his friends did as they were told, standing over by the entrance to the room. Minwu adopted a look of fierce concentration, and he held his hands out before him.

"KAAAAAAAAA…." Minwu began to roar, his voice rising. A ball of green light appeared in his hands, pulsing gently.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEE…" Minwu continued. Firion looked at Maria in incredulous surprise. Was he really…?

"HAAAAAAAAAA….." the white mage continued. Firion sighed in exasperation and let his face fall into his hand.

"MEEEEEEEEEEEE…"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Minwu roared, and a massive beam of green light exploded forth from his hands and completely obliterated the sealed door that was protecting the Ultima Tome.

"I can't believe you just did that…" Firion sighed, walking back up to Minwu.

"Hey, I learned how to do this off the internet! I thought I'd give it a shot!" the white mage replied.

Director: Uh….Minwu? You are supposed to die now.

"Huh? Oh…" Minwu replied, and then dropped dead.

"What the heck?" Firion cried.

**Ultima Scene Take 2:**

After fighting the last Gigas, Firion was happy to see that this was the top of the tower. He sighed in relief as he saw Minwu, alive and well, standing before a crackling white door.

"You've come at last!" Minwu said, turning to see them. "I have been trying to break the seal, but I am finding it more difficult than I imagined."

"Do you have a plan?" Firion asked the white mage. At this, Minwu's eyes became very serious.

"I do. I will use all of the strength I have to break it," Minwu replied. "Stand back, all of you!"

Firion and his friends did as they were told, standing over by the entrance to the room. Minwu adopted a look of fierce concentration, and he held his hands out before him.

"I summon Terraform!" Minwu cried.

"KAMIKAZE!" Terraform obediently screamed, blazing out of nowhere and smashing through the sealed door.

"Piece of cake," Minwu commented, wiping his hands together in satisfaction.

Director: Cut! Minwu, you can't summon muses…you aren't that good yet.

"Awww," Minwu sigh, chastened.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

As the filming ended, there was an atmosphere of relief. The actors and actresses went back to the hotel, but the muses were held behind for a moment.

Director: I'd like you three to be the other man characters alongside the Onion Knight tomorrow. Our original actors became sick.

"Sweet! Sounds like fun!" Terraform replied, pumping his fist in the air.

"Well, this s…rocks!" Kamec said, altering his sentence after he saw the murderous glare in Fang's eyes,

"Sure, whatever," Fang said, nursing his burns.

Director: Good. I'd like you to drop by the assistant director's office on your way back to grab your scripts.

With that, the three muses set off towards the office in question. Following the directions given to them, they soon arrived at the office. Inscribed on the door of the office was the name, "Terry Leon."

"Terry Leon," Fang murmured. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Who cares? Let's just get our scripts and head back," Terraform snapped. Kamec shrugged and opened the door…and saw a very disturbing sight.

Terry and Evanna were both naked and having wild sex on the bed, both of them moaning loudly.

Kamec shut the door, blushing a deep red.

"I think we'll get our scripts in the morning…" Kamec suggested while the Fang and Terraform began to laugh hysterically.

When they returned to their hotel room, this night was actually normal, and the three of them were able to sleep well for the first time in this crazy trip.


	4. Final Fantasy III

If you are wondering why it took me so damn long just to get another chapter out, it was because I haven't played Final Fantasy III, and I couldn't find a damn game script ANYWHERE! So I actually had to buckle down and play the damn game. Which was actually a good idea since I have a BOATLOAD of outtakes to present, situated through the entire game. They will be roughly in order with…

Onion Knight: Does that mean I get an appearance?

NO! Well…yes.

Onion Knight: Huh?

Well I looked you up on the wiki and apparently your name is Luneth…so there you go. You get an appearance. Only you get a name. Unlike Mr. Shiny over there.

Warrior of Light: *Cries in a corner*

Onion Knight: So…you looked me up. That's a bit creepy, I don't mind telling you.

SHUT THE HELL UP MIDGET! Er…ahem. Anyway, let's move on to the crazy oocness.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these Final Fantasy Games or anything related to them. I also do not own any of the popular Internet parodies, movies, animes, or anything else that I frequently make references to. I do however; own Fang, Kamec, and Terraform. They just don't know it yet.

Oh and by the way, there is a lemon warning. There's nothing huge and overly graphic, just lots of implied sex and at one point, a one-sentence lemon. I also don't hate Aerith, I just think writing her this way is hilarious.

Warning: lots of expletives

* * *

><p>Terraform was the first to wake. He leapt up from his bed and grinned evilly when he saw that the others were still asleep. He crept over to the front of the room and giggled quietly at his 'evil and ingenious' plan.<p>

"WAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Terraform screamed at the top of his lungs so that you could see the muscles in his throat screaming. Kamec and Fang shot up in bed in shock.

"Well, this su…" Kamec began, his half-asleep state causing him to forget the consequences of saying what he just said. Before he could finish speaking, Fang slammed his fist into Kamec's face, sending him flying into the door and out into the hallway.

"What the hell was tha….NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kamec protested before he saw someone he REALLY didn't want to and ran the hell away before she could catch him. Fang and Terraform watched with comical looks on their faces as Jenova floated down the hallway after Kyle.

"You know, I almost feel sorry for him," Fang said casually to Terraform, whose one visible eye was wide in shock.

"I know right? Maybe we should…" Terraform replied before Fang remembered how he had been woken up and drop kicked him across the room.

"Can you keep it down out there? I was trying to sleep," came a female voice from across the hall. The two muses left in the room, looked to see Tifa emerge from her room. Instead of replying, Terraform, launched himself at her, screaming not his catchphrase, but something else.

"BOOBIES!" he squealed in fanboy glee. He didn't even get close to her before Tifa planted her foot into his face without even missing a beat. Terraform cried out in pain and sunk to the floor, nursing his face.

Fang then saw Hope from the thirteenth game go screaming past while holding onto what looked like the Emperor's staff. Close behind him was the Emperor himself, who looked none too happy.

Looking around, the Square Enix hotel slowly came to life. That meant loud yells and screaming as the actors reacted to the presence of each other. As Fang walked with the recuperating Terraform down the hallway, they ran into some hilarious sights. Yuffie ran by chasing a singing Reno who was dressed in teddy bear pajamas and holding a cupcake. Then they saw Cloud and Sephiroth locked in a deadly struggle outside the window while Zack and Aerith watched, eating their popcorn.

All in all, a typical day here at the studio.

"Where did Kamec ever go?" Terraform asked, his nose finally not bleeding anymore.

"Who cares? Let's just go get our scripts already." Fang replied, shrugging. Terraform nodded and they followed the path to the assistant director's office. Terraform peeked inside before opening the door, not wanting a repeat of last night's visit.

"I think they have clothes on. Let's go in." Terraform reported.

"You THINK?!" Fang asked as he opened the door. Inside was another strange sight, but at least there was no sex involved.

Underneath the assistant director's desk was Kamec, who was curled up in the fetal position and whimpering to himself. In the center of the room was Terry, the assistant director. He was looking at two Evannas in the center of the room. Fang and Terraform blinked, wondering why there were two of them. But at least they were wearing clothes.

"I'm the real Evanna. You wouldn't mistake me, would you?" said the first Evanna. Terry appeared to be thinking hard.

"Don't listen to her! That one is Jenova! She's trying to replace me!" said the second.

"That sounds like something Jenova would say!"

"You don't know anything! I know who I am!"

"So do you, Jenova!"

"SHUT IT!" Fang finally yelled, shutting them both up. "Terry, just pick whichever one you want and give us our damn scripts!"

"I can't decide…you both look so sexy! Hm…" Terry mused. Behind him, Terraform was dragging a crying Kamec out from under the desk.

"I know!" Terry finally said. He opened his arms as if to embrace them. "Threesome?"

"Ooh you are so kinky, Terry!" said the first Evanna.

"Sounds like fun!" Said the other, and the two began getting undressed. Fang averted his eyes, though he was slowly losing his temper.

"SCRIPTS!" Fang practically hollered. Terry jumped, and began to shuffle around in his desk. He threw a bundle of papers at the three of them, and then shooed them out of the office.

Kamec, Terraform, and Fang looked over their scripts while making haste away from Terry's office before it got too awkward to stand there.

When they finally entered the studio, the director was looking over at them impatiently.

Director: You're late!

He was ignored, however, while the three finally saw the names of their parts. The reactions varied.

"Damn it to hell…" Fang sighed as he saw his.

"WHY?!" Terraform cried, throwing his script behind him.

"Well this…" Kamec began, but stopped as he saw Minwu glare at him from a dark corner, showing him the dynamite strapped to his chest.

Then a youth with white hair walked up to the three, flashing a friendly smile.

"Hey guys, ready for Final Fantasy III?" the boy asked happily. The three muses gave him a strange look.

"Who the hell are you?" Fang asked bluntly. The youth looked put out.

"I'm Luneth! Don't you recognize me?" the boy clarified, looking up at them with his pleading eyes.

"Luneth? Who the hell is Luneth?" Terraform asked, not recognizing the name at all. The boy puffed angrily.

"THE ONION KNIGHT! I'm the Onion Knight!" he yelled finally. The three of them stared at him with wide eyes.

"He has a NAME!?" Terraform gasped theatrically, causing the other two muses to laugh. Luneth pulled out a tiny little sword and poked it at them.

Director: Get on the damn set already so we can get started!

* * *

><p><strong>Luneth's Entrance Take 1:<strong>

In the darkness of the underground cave, there was little to disturb the perfect tranquility of the environment. Small scurrying indicated the presence of small animals scraping a living from the rocks and dust of the natural cavern.

A beam of light shined down into the cave, emanating from a hole that led to the surface. This was the only connection this part of the cave had with the surface, and it was unlikely that anyone would find this cave. Of course, being a main character, Luneth was easily able to find it. By falling into the hole like a dumb ass.

"Whoa!" Luneth screamed as he fell.

Director: Now it's time for the landing. Come on come on…

Then Luneth hit the ground and landed on his feet, which buckled underneath him with a sickening crack, and he fell over backwards.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Luneth cursed loudly as his legs broke.

Director: Cut…I knew this part was going to be a pain.

**Luneth's Entrance Take 2:**

In the darkness of the underground cave, there was little to disturb the perfect tranquility of the environment. Small scurrying indicated the presence of small animals scraping a living from the rocks and dust of the natural cavern.

A beam of light shined down into the cave, emanating from a hole that led to the surface. This was the only connection this part of the cave had with the surface, and it was unlikely that anyone would find this cave. Of course, being a main character, Luneth was easily able to find it. However, instead of falling into it like he was supposed to, Luneth tripped over a rock and THEN found the hole, and he plummeted headfirst.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luneth yelled helplessly, and then everyone winced and turned away as his head collided with the ground with a crunch.

Director: Aerith…we need you now…Aerith? I swear to Tanner, if you are making out with another cast member again, I'm docking your pay.

Fang, the director, and Kamec looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of Aerith. However, she was nowhere to be seen.

"On second thought, where is Terraform?" Kamec asked. The director sighed and walked over to the corner in the studio where the cast members often went if they wanted to get away with slacking off. His eyes widened in shock as he looked there. Then he turned his head and walked back to his chair.

Director: Well…she wasn't making out with him…

Now curious, Fang and Kamec prowled over to the corner and peered inside. Their eyes widened as well as they saw the scene before them.

Terraform was sitting on a chair, his head thrown back and his face contorted into an expression of pleasure. Aerith was on her knees, her lips wrapped tightly around the muse's cock.

Kamec's reaction was to burst into tears and run back to the set, cursing his luck. Fang just shook his head exasperatedly and walked back to the set.

'Damn it to hell…now I have to find another girl." Fang sighed.

**Luneth's Entrance Take 3: **

In the darkness of the underground cave, there was little to disturb the perfect tranquility of the environment. Small scurrying indicated the presence of small animals scraping a living from the rocks and dust of the natural cavern.

A beam of light shined down into the cave, emanating from a hole that led to the surface. This was the only connection this part of the cave had with the surface, and it was unlikely that anyone would find this cave. Of course, being a main character, Luneth was easily able to find it. Since the camera was pointing upwards from the bottom of the hole, and there was a mattress ready to catch him, Luneth jumped inside.

However his side collided with the side of the wall, propelling him to the other side of the wall, and so on. Thus, the boy hit every single wall on the way down.

"You OW have got to be OW KIDDING ME!" Luneth shouted as he broke almost every bone in his body.

Director: I swear, at this rate, we should just cast this guy as the new Laguna for Final Fantasy VIII.

Laguna, who was standing next to him, regarded to pitiful figure of Luneth who was lying flat on his stomach, groaning weakly in pain.

"I agree. Hey Luneth! Want to do the Centra escape scene for me?" Laguna called in a joking tone. However, Luneth froze, taking it literally.

"NO!"

**Wellspring Take 1:**

Luneth gazed in wonder at the pool of sparkling water before him. He had heard about such pools in stories before, but he had never laid eyes on one. It was magnificent, to say the least. All of the colors of the rainbow shined from the luminous pool, projecting onto the walls.

"So this is a wellspring…such mystifying colors…" Luneth said in awe. Then, he looked around shiftily to make sure that no one was watching. Then he ran forward and did a swan dive into it, not realizing that he was still wearing his armor.

"HELP HELP I'M DROWNING!" Luneth cried before going under, and then his calls for help were nothing more than gurgles.

Director: …I don't even know what to say to that one. Wait, I know! CUT!

**Wellspring Take 2**

Luneth gazed in wonder at the pool of sparkling water before him. He had heard about such pools in stories before, but he had never laid eyes on one. It was magnificent, to say the least. All of the colors of the rainbow shined from the luminous pool, projecting onto the walls.

"So this is a wellspring…such mystifying colors…" Luneth said in awe. He remembered that they had mystical powers that could completely restore you with just one sip of its waters. He walked forward shakily, hardly believing that he had just discovered such a natural wonder. However, he was completely unprepared for the tentacle made completely of water that erupted from the surface of the wellspring and swept him off his feet.

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU…" Luneth screamed as he was dragged into the water by the tentacle that belonged to none other than Morpha, from the Zelda series.

Director: CUT! Okay, how the hell did that thing even get on the set?

**Wellspring Take 3:**

Luneth gazed in wonder at the pool of sparkling water before him. He had heard about such pools in stories before, but he had never laid eyes on one. It was magnificent, to say the least. All of the colors of the rainbow shined from the luminous pool, projecting onto the walls.

"So this is a wellspring…such mystifying colors…" Luneth said in awe. He remembered what he had planned with the other girls just last night, and he grinned. "LET'S DO THIS!"

The director and the muses watched in bemusement as Luneth ripped off his armor to reveal a bathing suit. The boy jumped into the water and whistled loudly. Then, Aerith, Rikku, Maria, Leila, Hilda, Tifa, Yuffie, and the Cloud of Darkness broke through the backdrop (which caused the Director's mouth to fall open in shock and anger) and jumped into the water. They were all wearing their bathing suits, except for Aerith and Cloud of Darkness. The Cloud was wearing her usual outfit, and Aerith was just plain naked. Luneth then produced margaritas from nowhere and the group began laughing and drinking, completely ignoring the fact that the camera was still rolling.

The three muses, upon seeing the party, decided to screw the scene and charge forward, ripping off their shirts and leaping into the water as well, joining the fun.

"Aerith! Looking as sexy as ever!" Fang complimented the girl, who winked at him.

"No fair! She's my girl now!" Terraform complained, wrapping an arm around the Aerith, who leaned into him.

"But I want a turn!" Kamec complained, reaching forward and squeezing her breast. The three muses glared at each other, sparks flying.

"Maybe you can all have me?" Aerith suggested, trying to be accommodating. The three ceased staring at each other with varying degrees of hate and then looked at her with wide eyes.

"HELL YES!" Fang exclaimed.

"This is gonna rock!" Terraform added.

"Well, this DOESN'T suck!" Kamec yelled out. Then the three high fived.

Director: CUT! I give up. Have your party. I'm taking a lunch break.

With that, Aerith and the three muses ran off stage to have a good time with Aerith, though Kamec was crying in joy that he was actually getting a real girl this time.

"That girl is such a slut," Tifa sighed, resting her face in her hand. Yuffie made a face at her.

"You're just jealous because Cloud and Zack want her and not you!" she quipped, causing Tifa to flush a bright red and plant a fist in the ninja's face. That just pissed her off, causing the two girls to plunge into the deepest part of the wellspring, trying to rip each other apart.

"You know? Sometimes being a minor character is good." Leila commented.

"Agreed," Maria concurred. Luneth, who suddenly wanted a girl as well, looked over at the Cloud of Darkness, and then his eyes widened as he saw her outfit.

"So Cloud, want to…" Luneth began, and then he yelped and ducked under water as one of her tentacles zoomed over at him and almost took his head off.

"No."

**First Boss Battle Take 1:**

Luneth's eyes widened as he saw the ground turn from rocks and dust from the cave into light blue tiling that seemed to glow with a mystical light. It was a wondrous sight, though he didn't know what was here that could be causing this. As he kept walking, Luneth saw something huge and lurking in the distance. It looked like a monster, so Luneth drew his broadsword. Why the kid had a broadsword, nobody will ever know. Since he was like, who knows, twelve?

As he grew closer to the thing, Luneth saw that it was a huge, lurking Adamantoise that clearly looked starved and feral. Luneth dropped his sword and glanced at the camera, disbelief written on his face.

"Okay, what the hell is with this game? So after eight million times of falling down that freaking hole that is supposedly the beginning of the game and breaking various bones in my body and having to get a Great Gospel cast on me except half the time she wasn't there and was sucking on a muse, now I aimlessly walk through a cave whose purpose is not even explained and the first thing that happens is a goblin inexplicably falls from the freaking ceiling and SOMEHOW manages to remain intact, unlike me who needed to get fixed every time I screwed up! So me and the player are like, what the hell is the point of this stupid dungeon?! You would think that there would be a decent boss at the end, but what do we get? We get a freaking TURTLE! A TURTLE!" Luneth ranted, not even caring that the Director had called "CUT!" the second Luneth had gone off script. The Adamantoise, which was not an actor, but a real monster, roared and attacked, only to get cut down by Luneth in one quick stroke.

"SHUT UP TURTLE! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!" Luneth screamed as Tifa and Leila came on screen and pulled him off screen.

Director: Can't you guys reign in your feelings about my games until AFTER you finish the scene? I'm pretty sure this game will become very popular later.

**First Boss Battle Take 2:**

Luneth's eyes widened as he saw the ground turn from rocks and dust from the cave into light blue tiling that seemed to glow with a mystical light. It was a wondrous sight, even though he didn't know what was here that could be causing this. As he kept walking, Luneth saw something huge and lurking in the distance. It looked like a monster, so Luneth drew his broadsword.

As he grew closer to the thing, Luneth saw that it was a huge, lurking Adamantoise that clearly looked starved and feral. Luneth knew he was in for a tough fight.

The Adamantoise roared and lunged at the kid, who yelped and threw himself out of the way. When the turtle hit the ground, Luneth hefted his sword and propelled himself off of the cave wall and back at it, swinging his sword forward. The turtle roared in pain as Luneth inflicted a huge gash in the belly of the creature, where it was not armored.

The Adamantoise attempted to counter attack, but Luneth was too fast for it, easily dodging its bulky tail. Luneth let out a battle cry and charged at it, his sword held upright. The turtle was too slow to avoid it, so Luneth plunged his sword deep into the side of its head, which killed it instantly. Luneth sighed and withdrew his sword, blood dripping from it.

"That was tough," Luneth said, wiping off his sword on the creature's body. Then, all of a sudden, Luneth realized that something was missing. A look of anger crossed his face as he looked around wildly for it.

"WHERE'S MY HEART CONTAINER, DAMMIT!" Luneth screamed.

Director: Cut! Come on…we were so close to finishing that scene…heart container…I mean really?!

**Crystal Take 1:**

Defeating the turtle had been a hard task, but he had done it. Sheathing his sword, Luneth walked across the wooden bridge that extended over a huge chasm. He looked down, but couldn't see a bottom. Instead, all he saw was an endless void, a sight that he had never laid eyes on before.

After reaching the other side of the chasm, the altar ended in an octagonal room dotted with pillars, and a raised platform in the center of the room with stairs leading up to the top. Luneth's breath caught in his throat as he saw was at the top of the platform.

Suspended in midair, glowing with an ethereal light was a giant crystal, whose luminosity lit up the whole room with its glow. Luneth looked at it with awe.

"You have been chosen." Spoke a singular male voice. Luneth jumped in surprise, and looked a round for the source of the voice.

"What? Who's there?" Luneth demanded frantically. It soon dawned on him that the voice was coming from the crystal itself, which lit up with every word it spoke.

"Warrior from the land of darkness," the crystal began, but then something strange happened. All of a sudden, there was a snapping sound and the crystal tumbled to the floor and began rolling down the stairs. "Wait…dammit. Hey Wedge! You never exchanged the crap cord for the steel one!"

"Wait, are you talking about the Galbadian, the Gestahl soldier, the Avalanche member, or me, the blitzball player? Because we are all named Wedge." Came a fainter voice. While they argued, Luneth dropped his sword and ran away frantically, but was overtaken and run over by the crazy rolling crystal that was easily twice his weight.

Director: Cut…Biggs! I told you that all of the technical issues needed to be fixed by now!

"Biggs, I think he's talking to you," came a faint voice. There was a scuffle, and then there was another voice.

"Wait, which Biggs?" replied a military sounding voice.

Director: *facepalms* Maybe I should have mixed up the names I used in those games…

**Crystal Take 2:**

Defeating the turtle had been a hard task, but he had done it. Sheathing his sword, Luneth walked across the wooden bridge that extended over a huge chasm. He looked down, but couldn't see a bottom. Instead, all he saw was an endless void, a sight that he had never laid eyes on before.

After reaching the other side of the chasm, the altar ended in an octagonal room dotted with pillars, and a raised platform in the center of the room with stairs leading up to the top. Luneth's breath caught in his throat as he saw was at the top of the platform.

Suspended in midair, glowing with an ethereal light was a giant crystal, whose luminosity lit up the whole room with its glow. Luneth looked at it with awe.

"You have been chosen." Spoke a singular male voice. Luneth jumped in surprise, and looked a round for the source of the voice.

"What? Who's there?" Luneth demanded frantically. It soon dawned on him that the voice was coming from the crystal itself, which lit up with every word it spoke.

"Warrior from the land of darkness," the crystal began, but then it was again interrupted by the sound of a deafening crack. Luneth jumped and stared in shock as the crystal cracked down the middle and fell into two halves on the ground.

"Huh?" Luneth asked, utterly confused. Then he heard yelling from the catwalks above.

"Shit, it cracked, Biggs," came the voice that could be identified as Wedge the blitzball player.

"It did, didn't it? We're about to get chewed out," replied another voice that must have been Biggs.

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to Galbadian Biggs over there." Wedge shot back, causing the first Biggs to grumble. The other Biggs let out a sigh of frustration.

"Why do I gotta do all of the repairs!?" The Galbadian complained. Then he stopped, catching himself. "Wow that sounded a lot like one of my first lines in Final Fantasy VIII."

"You have LINES?!" exclaimed another voice. "I just stand around and wait for the player to recruit me in blitzball."

"When you aren't that good," Wedge quipped. There was a sound of metal hitting metal, and then a yelp of pain.

"Shut it!" Biggs roared.

Director: Stop bickering and fix the crystal! We need to get this scene done soon!

**Crystal Take 3:**

"What are you talking about?" Luneth asked, completely confused as to the meaning of the crystal's words. It kept speaking about a darkness that threatened to take over the world, and that he was going to be the light.

"There are others…that share your destiny. You must seek them out," the crystal continued, seemingly ignoring Luneth. "Once you find them, I will bestow upon you our last hope, our last light. Go now!"

Luneth yelped as he felt himself moving somewhere incredibly fast, but he couldn't see anything due to the blinding light that covered his vision. It hurt to look, so he shut his eyes, but the light bled through and stars began to appear in his vision.

When he finally appeared on the surface, Luneth immediately fell to his knees while pressing his hands to his eyes.

"SON OF A BITCH! MY F***ING EYES! THEY BURN!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Director: CUT! Biggs, which setting did you have the crystal light on?

"Wait, which Biggs?" replied a voice from the catwalks.

Director: *sighs in frustration* One of you, I don't care.

There was a shuffling from the catwalks before the voice of the Galbadian Biggs came floating down to him.

"Uh… the dial says, 'UV setting 10'" Biggs replied. The director's mouth fell open.

Director: Setting 10?! QUICK! SOMEBODY GET HIM A DOCTOR!

Luneth was now collapsed on the ground, his hands pressed firmly on his eyes. Blood was trickling out from the cracks between his fingers.

"MOMMY!" Luneth screamed. In a flash of light, Jenova appeared behind him, her tentacles floating in the air behind her as if suspended in water.

"You called?" she whispered in her otherworldly voice. Luneth freaked out and tried crawling away.

"WRONG MOMMY!"

**Crystal Take 4:**

"What are you talking about?" Luneth asked, completely confused as to the meaning of the crystal's words. It kept speaking about a darkness that threatened to take over the world, and that he was going to be the light.

"There are others…that share your destiny. You must seek them out," the crystal continued, seemingly ignoring Luneth. "Once you find them, I will bestow upon you our last hope, our last light. Go now!"

Luneth yelped as he felt himself moving somewhere incredibly fast, but he couldn't see anything due to the blinding light that covered his vision. Soon, he found himself on the surface again, which shocked him.

"I'm back on the surface…?" Luneth whispered, voicing the first thought that came into his head. Then he thought about what the crystal had said. "What was that? Light? Darkness? Our last hope? What was that all about?"

There was a flash of light as someone walked onscreen. Luneth looked up to see a young man whose form kept switching between that of a dark knight and a paladin. The young man pulled out his sword and attacked.

"This will seal it! The moon leads me!" he cried, lunging forward and slicing Luneth twice in his Paladin form before switching to his darker form and sending burning orbs of dark flame at him. Then, he switched back to his Paladin and charged at Luneth, cutting through him with his lustrous blade. "Light and Darkness cast aloft!"

Luneth fell over, now unconscious. His attacker stood triumphantly over his still form, while the director seethed in his chair.

Director: Cecil! You are on the wrong set! Do something like that again and I'm docking your pay!

"No one can say light and darkness in the same sentence but me!" Cecil complained, still in his light form. Then there was a deep voice from off stage.

"Light and darkness." It said. Cecil stiffened and ran off screen in search of the person who had stolen his catchphrase. There was a pause of a few seconds before Cecil sprinted out from off screen and ran the other way, screaming like a little girl. Everyone watched as Kain Highwind walked out from off-screen, hefting his spear. He laughed evilly, watching Cecil run.

Director: Kain! Wrong set! I command you to…

"Command me to what?" Kain said in a dangerously soft tone, his gaze snapping to the director. The director trembled in fear before throwing himself at Kain's feet.

Director: I'm sorry, so sorry!

"That's what I thought." Kain replied before following Cecil off screen. A few seconds later, there was a scream so high pitched that it made the three muses, who had returned a few outtakes ago after having quite the fun time with Aerith, to laugh. Aerith herself was standing with them, with her arms wrapped around Terraform's arm. The male looked positively pleased with himself, while Aerith looked rather satisfied. She was wearing clothes, much to the muses' disappointment.

**Meeting Arc Take 1:**

Luneth walked up to the group of children and the older kid, who was so much taller than any of them there. The children seemed to be making fun of the taller kid, whom Luneth recognized as his friend Arc.

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then go there yourself and prove it! Ha! You don't have the guts! You're a coward!" the leader of the group of children accused. Arc turned around, revealing himself to be Fang, the muse. He was dressed in Arc's clothing and wore his hairstyle, as well as significant makeup. He was busy reading his script, and when he realized what his lines had to be, he sighed and threw the script away.

"Damn it to hell, I am NOT being a pussy character!" Fang raged.

Director: Cut! Fang! If you want to be a part of this production, then I suggest you follow your script to the letter!

"Damn it. Just…damn it." Fang complained.

**Meeting Arc Take 2:**

Luneth walked up to the group of children and the older kid, who was so much taller than any of them there. The children seemed to be making fun of the taller kid, whom Luneth recognized as his friend Arc.

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then go there yourself and prove it! Ha! You don't have the guts! You're a…" the leader of the group of children began, but was caught completely unprepared as Fang turned around and grabbed him. "Ah! What are you doing?!"

Fang somehow compressed the kid into a ball and was dribbling him like a basketball.

"Rinoa! Give me a target!" Fang called. On cue, Rinoa from Final Fantasy VIII swooped in off screen, using her magical wings to carry herself. In her hands she held what looked like a hoop.

"Here you go!" Rinoa called in her soft, musical voice. Fang grinned and dribbled the kid, who was screaming at the top of his lungs that he couldn't breathe. Then Fang jumped, used a wall as leverage to jump even higher, and then dunked the kid through the hoop, causing the other children, Luneth, Terraform, and Kamec to cheer.

"Slam DUNK! Hell yeah!" Fang yelled triumphantly.

Director: *facepalms* Just…no…just…just cut.

**Meeting Arc Take 2:**

Luneth walked up to the group of children and the older kid, who was so much taller than any of them there. The children seemed to be making fun of the taller kid, whom Luneth recognized as his friend Arc.

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then…" the leader of the children began, but Fang just turned around and slammed his fist into the kid's face, sending the poor thing flying into the river, where he started struggling to swim.

"Gah, child abuse!" the kid managed to gasp out before he went below the surface of the water. Then the kid was borne out of the water and into the air by the tentacles of Kraken, the fiend of water from the first Final Fantasy. The kid began screaming as the tentacles wrapped around him.

"HELP CHILD MOLESTATION!" the kid screamed before the Warrior of Light appeared and began quoting his lines from the scene where he fought Kraken. Then Kraken dropped the kid and the two began fighting, destroying the backdrop.

"Haha! Chain reaction for the win!" Fang said triumphantly, high fiving Luneth.

Director: I swear, the sets are mixing. Cut.

**Meeting Arc Take 3:**

Luneth walked up to the group of children and the older kid, who was so much taller than any of them there. The children seemed to be making fun of the taller kid, whom Luneth recognized as his friend Arc.

"Oh yeah? Ghosts don't exist? Then…" the leader of the children began, but then Fang turned around and walked up to him. The children began trembling in fear as the muse towered over them. Then he just glared.

"Do you _really _want to go there?" Fang asked in a dangerously soft voice, and the children lost their nerve and ran the other way, screaming like little girls.

Director: Cut! Fang, are you even TRYING to go by the script?

"I will, eventually. I'm just having too much fun in this scene," Fang replied honestly, grinning.

Director: *sigh* I guess I can let that go since I asked you with such little notice. Just try and be serious?

"Oh, I'll try," Fang replied, an evil smile crossing his face.

**Meeting Arc Take 4:**

Fang stood at the exit to the village after ignoring Luneth, however much it pained him to do so. Those kids, despite their hurtful words, had given him a reason to keep going. He had to show them what he was really made of. He had something to prove now, and he couldn't depend on Luneth to help him.

"I'm not a coward, but I know I have to be stronger," Fang said, a look of intense determination on his face.

Director: Good, Fang! Keep it up!

"Tall AND strong? NO F***ING WAY!" Terraform screamed from offstage, causing Fang to lose his composure and laugh.

Director: DAMMIT! *smashes fist against wall*

**Meeting with Topapa Take 1:**

Luneth walked into the building, wondering what the elders could possible want with him. They were the leaders of the village, the ones who made all of the important decisions. They also meted out the punishment to those who broke the laws, so their intimidation factor was fairly large.

"Ah, Luneth, good to see you. Elder Topapa is waiting for you." Said the Elder wizard who guarded the door to the elder chambers. Luneth bowed respectfully to the Elder and walked inside, where the ancient lord Topapa waited for him.

Luneth had never been this close to Topapa before, but he had heard that the old man was a kind and frail one, who could never hurt anyone if he tried.

"So it was you that had been chosen, Luneth. You must understand that your meeting with the crystal was not happenstance. It was the crystal's will. You have been chosen." The kindly old man explained before Luneth could even open his mouth.

Off-screen, the three muses heard what the old man had to say and sighed at his overuse of a certain word.

"Hey guys," Fang whispered. "I've got an idea. How about every time that man says chosen, choice, or anything like that, we take a drink?"

"Sounds like fun," Kamec replied. Terraform produced the drinks, and then passed them out to the three of them. Topapa, who had amazing hearing for his age, heard them, and then he grinned.

"The chosen's choice was to choose the choice chosen, whose choice depended on the choice of the choice chosen, and by their choice would determine the choice chosen's choices." Topapa explained to Luneth, who raised and eyebrow and wondered what the hell this guy was smoking.

Director: Cut! Topapa, what were you doing?

The old man laughed to himself and pointed to the three muses. Everyone looked to see them passed out on the floor, with funny looks on their faces.

"I was messing with these young 'uns," Topapa explained. The director himself couldn't help but laugh.

**Meeting with Topapa Take 2:**

Luneth walked into the building, wondering what the elders could possible want with him. They were the leaders of the village, the ones who made all of the important decisions. They also meted out the punishment to those who broke the laws, so their intimidation factor was fairly large.

"Ah, Luneth, good to see you. Elder Topapa is waiting for you." Said the Elder wizard who guarded the door to the elder chambers. Luneth bowed respectfully to the Elder and walked inside, where the ancient lord Topapa waited for him.

Luneth had never been this close to Topapa before, but he had heard that the old man was a kind and frail one, who could never hurt anyone if he tried.

"So it was you that had been chosen, Luneth. You must understand that your meeting with the crystal was not happenstance. It was the crystal's will. You have been chosen." The kindly old man explained before Luneth could even open his mouth.

"Chosen? For what? I don't understand," Luneth questioned, wrinkling his brow. Topapa smiled understandingly and then prepared to tell the story. As he opened his mouth, the room grew dark.

"Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away…" Topapa began. Then, a very familiar theme began playing and bright yellow words began scrolling up towards the horizon behind them all. Luneth gazed at them in fascination.

Director: *facepalms* Cut! Must you guys make every reference known to mankind?

**Meeting with Topapa Take 3:**

Luneth walked into the building, wondering what the elders could possible want with him. They were the leaders of the village, the ones who made all of the important decisions. They also meted out the punishment to those who broke the laws, so their intimidation factor was fairly large.

"Ah, Luneth, good to see you. Elder Topapa is waiting for you." Said the Elder wizard who guarded the door to the elder chambers. Luneth bowed respectfully to the Elder and walked inside, where the ancient lord Topapa waited for him.

Luneth had never been this close to Topapa before, but he had heard that the old man was a kind and frail one, who could never hurt anyone if he tried. However, what he was seeing now was completely different that what he had expected. The old man was taller than he was, and was wearing a set of black clothing with a white overcoat. His beard and mustache completely obscured his mouth, and his beard fell to his waist. It was so long that it had to be held together by dark purple ribbons. Another strange thing was that his skin seemed to be covered by old scars, which was strange since Topapa had never been in a battle before. The old man carried a large staff, which he leaned on with both hands.

"So it was you that had been chosen, Luneth. The task of saving this world would not be an easy task for you, so I am curious as to why the crystal would pick a whelp like you for the task, when I could easily take care of it." Topapa began. The elders looked at him, surprised.

"Topapa, are you all right? You're acting a little different," a nearby Elder said. Topapa turn his head slowly to look at him.

"Topapa? Who said I was…" the old man began, but then the wall burst open to reveal the Cloud of Darkness, whose form was surrounded in powerful auras from the void itself.

"Hahaha…" the Cloud laughed evilly. "I will stop this foolish destiny before it even begins. Now die, foolish child!"

Luneth screamed in terror and dived under a desk. However, no one expected what happened next. Topapa ripped off his upper shirt, revealing an incredibly muscular physique, which was almost unheard of for someone so old. Then, he gripped his staff, which shimmered and dissolved to reveal a sword, which he grasped. The Cloud of Darkness stared at the old man, wondering what he was going to do.

"What could you possibly do to me, old man?" she taunted, sending her tentacles at him, their vicious mouths open and ready to devour. Topapa blasted them away with a burst of incredibly powerful fiery energy, surprising her and everyone in the room. Then he grabbed his sword and pulled it from its sheath, and it lit up with powerful flames.

Director: Wait a minute…this seems familiar.

"Reduce all of creation to ashes, Ryujin Jakka!" Topapa roared, and the entire building, as well as everyone in it, was blown away by the sheer amount of magical energy that exploded from the sword.

"That's not Topapaaaaaaaaa…" Luneth screamed as he was blasted backwards several meters.

Director: WTF YAMAMOTO!? *Is blasted out of his seat by the power*

"This goes way beyond a spanking," Yamamoto warned the Cloud of Darkness, whose face had a look of pure and utter shock on it.

"Die, mortal!" the Cloud yelled, sending a 0-form particle beam at the old man, who merely stood there as the flames licked around him.

"Mortal?" Yamamoto repeated. "I think not." Then he sliced through the particle beam effortlessly and then swiped his sword around her, the flames burning her to a crisp.

Director: Cut! You…you aren't even from ANY game that I made! What are you even doing here?

"Because one or more of your muses are fanboys and therefore allowed me inside," Yamamoto responded calmly. The director focused a glare on Terraform, who was trying to look innocent.

Director: Luneth, come beat the crap out of Terraform here since I can't hurt him.

The kid ran towards Terraform with his fists at the ready. Terraform's eyes widened, but he was too slow to react. Right before Luneth could touch him, Marilith appeared out of nowhere and rammed the kid, grabbing him with all six arms and slamming him into the wall at the other end. Then he proceeded to scream while the fiend ripped at him with her claws.

Director: *stares in terror at Marilith*

Marilith then turned her eyes on the director, who let out a squeak and ran the other way. When he was gone, Marilith's tail split in half and her three arms merged together so that she looked like a normal human, albeit with red skin and scales on her arms, legs, and back. That and she was totally naked. She began to walk towards the three muses.

Kamec looked at her naked form and couldn't resist. He ran towards her, but Marilith slammed her fist into his face, sending him flying the other way and through the wall. Fang tried as well, but she hit him with a skilled roundhouse kick and sent him through the wall on the opposite side of the room. Then she walked up to Terraform and embraced him, leaving kisses on his neck. Terraform loved this treatment and started hugging her, with his hand snaking down her body.

Director: *sees the scene before him* Quick! Everybody run before it gets rated X in here! Let's have an early lunch break!

Everyone on stage split the other director as Marilith and Terraform started making out, while she was tearing his clothes off of him, shredding the material to bits and then tossing them away. Terraform's hand traveled down her scaly back and was about to squeeze her ass before the author realized what she was doing and cut off the scene there, not wanting to make lemon scenes that serve no purpose.

Kerrigor: If you want a lemon scene just for kicks, let me know which characters and which scene you want them in, and I'll post it as a bonus chapter.

Director: Hey! Get out of the story! I'm trying to direct a play here!

**Nina Take 1:**

Luneth sighed as Topapa finished speaking. It seemed he had quite the task ahead of him, though he had no idea where to start. It might be worthwhile to look into the ghost matter over at Kazus and see if he could find any trace of these other people that shared his destiny. As he went to walk out, another elder stopped him. It was Elder Homak, a respected member of the elders who had a tendency to act a bit senile at times.

"Luneth…you must treat your mother, Nina, the very best you can. You must know by know that she is not your birth mother, but she has taken care of you as if she truly were." The elder advised him. Luneth stared at him with an eyebrow raised. Then an anime anger mark appeared on his forehead.

"Ok, I know you're as old as shit and whatever, but do you REALLY think I'd forget the name of my mother? I mean seriously? I love how you feel the need to remind me of every little detail of my life, when I'm pretty sure I've lived it!" Luneth shot back, causing the elder to shrink back.

Director: Cut! Luneth…

"I THINK I WOULD KNOW THE NAME OF MY MOTHER!" Luneth roared at the director.

Director: This is just a subtle way to tell the players a little about you…now start the scene over from the beginning.

**Nina Take 2:**

Luneth sighed as Topapa finished speaking. It seemed he had quite the task ahead of him, though he had no idea where to start. It might be worthwhile to look into the ghost matter over at Kazus and see if he could find any trace of these other people that shared his destiny. As he went to walk out, another elder stopped him. It was Elder Homak, a respected member of the elders who had a tendency to act a bit senile at times.

However, before the elder could even open his mouth, there was an explosion from the outside. All eyes turned to the wall as Kamec blew a hole in it, holding a woman whom Luneth recognized as his foster mother. He held a gun to the woman's head, who was staring at him strangely.

"Luneth! I have your…wait what's your name?" Kamec began, but then had to ask his captive.

"Um…Nina…" she said, wondering if the muse had gone crazy.

"Ah yes! I have your Nina! Now will you…" Kamec paused here to take an obnoxious breath through his nose. "SAAAAAAAVE THE WORRRRRRRRRLD?!"

Luneth stared at the muse, metaphorically sweat dropping. He deadpanned, wondering what exactly he was expected to do. Then, Firion broke into the scene through the backdrop and threw a wild rose at Kamec, hitting him in the temple and knocking him out.

"IDIOT!" Firion screamed at the hapless muse, and then was dropkicked back off-screen by an irate Luneth.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SCENE!" he shouted.

Director: I swear, some of you are just screwing around now…

**The Inn Take 1:**

Luneth walked into the inn, intending to get a room for the night. When he walked in, however, there seemed to be a party going on. The room was crowded with people who were drinking, playing cards, or in other words, having a good time. At the dance floor, there were lots of people there slowly swaying to the music.

Luneth looked around for the source of music, and noticed someone sitting on a makeshift stage playing an elegant harp. He recognized the figure and realized that he should not be here. It was Edward, the prince of Damcyan from the fourth game.

Director: Wait a minute…

Before the director could notice something wrong, Luneth dashed up to Edward and whispered something in his ear.

"You know we're filming the inn scene now, right?" he whispered. Edward turned pale and hightailed it out of the scene. "Pfft, pussy."

Now that the music was gone, the people in the inn started yelling for more music. It seemed like it was going to get violent, so Luneth ran up to the piano and tried to play a song. However, he missed note after note, and no one could even tell what he was trying to play.

People started booing him, and Luneth turned a dark shade of red. Angry, Luneth turned around and pulled out a flamethrower from freaking nowhere and began torching the people nearest to him.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? F***ING DIE ASSHOLES!" Luneth roared.

Director: Cut…Luneth, what were you even doing?

**The Inn take 2:**

Luneth walked into the inn, intending to get a room for the night. When he walked in, however, there seemed to be a party going on. The room was crowded with people who were drinking, playing cards, or in other words, having a good time. At the dance floor, there were lots of people there slowly swaying to the music.

Worried, Luneth glanced up to the stage, but to his relief Edward was not there, so the scene could go on. However, he had only gone a few steps further when he noticed something strange. He recognized each of the three muses dressed in the costume of a villager, mingling in with the group. Fang was climbing up on stage with a guitar, while Terraform was arguing with a Kamec about whether or not he could have a piano in this day and age. They didn't seem to be doing anything bad, so Luneth kept walking. That's when that changed though.

Fang opened his guitar case and pulled out a wireless electric guitar and turned it on, somehow connecting with the speakers off screen. Then Through the Fire and Flames started playing on the speakers, albeit without a guitar part. Fang started playing like an expert to fill in that hole, and the onlookers cheered. Luneth groaned and planted his face in his hands, waiting for the director to say cut.

Director: *listens intently to music*

Terraform sauntered up to a pretty blue haired dancer who was dancing alone and somehow wormed his way into her dance, so that before she knew it she was dancing with him.

"Where did you come from?" she said, genuinely startled, though not altogether displeased.

"From heaven to fulfill your fondest wishes," Terraform replied smoothly, causing her to blush. Kamec, who had overheard the exchange, sighed.

"Mr. Palm, I'd like you to meet Mr. Face," Kamec joked, and then had the two embrace.

The party went on until the song ended and the crowd dispersed, with varying degrees of happiness. Luneth walked off stage, disgruntled that the muses had again ruined the scene. Terraform was leading the dancer he had been with up the stairs to a private room, planting kisses on her neck. Kamec was looking for Aerith, but let out a cry when he couldn't find her.

Director: I guess I have to say cut. By the way, how did Fang hook his guitar up to the external speakers?

The two Galbadians who were standing next to the director, named Biggs and Wedge, looked at each other innocently.

"I have no idea, sir!" Biggs responded smartly, stashing the 100$ check into his pocket.

"It was most definitely not me!" Wedge added, stuffing the check down his breastplate.

**Reuniting with Arc:**

Luneth entered the town of Kazus, instantly feeling the evil atmosphere envelop him. He shuddered, not liking how quiet it was. He walked forward through the empty buildings, looking around for signs of life. The first he came across was to his surprise, his friend Arc.

In order to get Arc's attention, Luneth walked up behind him and poked him in the back. Fang instantly whirled around and planted his fist firmly into Luneth's face, sending him all the way across the scene and through the backdrop, leaving a gaping hole behind.

"I am SO sorry, Luneth! I swear those were my reflexes!" Fang said quickly, though his hysterically laughter made his apology seem rather insincere.

Director: Cut…I think we are going to go over budget with the amount of medical bills we pay…

**Cid Take 1:**

Luneth and Fang walked into the empty inn, looking around for signs of life. They were everywhere. There were still steaming cups of tea, warm food right out of the oven waiting to be eaten on the table.

"This is really strange, Arc," Luneth commented, sniffing the food to make sure it really wasn't rotten.

"I agree. It seems like everyone just up and left in the middle of dinner," Fang replied, going behind the counter. All of a sudden, a voice spoke from beside Luneth's ear, making him jump.

"Howdy there! Cid's the name!" said the voice jovially. Fang walked over to Luneth, who was looking around for the source of the voice.

"I'm from Canaan, but I've…sir, are you quite all right?" the voice continued, but then stopped when he saw the incredulous look on Luneth's face.

"ANOTHER freaking Cid?! REALLY DIRECTOR?!" Luneth screamed.

Director: Cut! Luneth! Don't criticize my choice of names!

"But it's always the same!" Luneth shot back.

**Cid Take 2: (WARNING, CONTAINS EXPLITIVES IN QUANTITY)**

Luneth and Fang walked into the empty inn, looking around for signs of life. They were everywhere. There were still steaming cups of tea, warm food right out of the oven waiting to be eaten on the table.

"This is really strange, Arc," Luneth commented, sniffing the food to make sure it really wasn't rotten.

"I agree. It seems like everyone just up and left in the middle of dinner," Fang replied, going behind the counter. All of a sudden, a voice spoke from beside Luneth's ear, making him jump.

"Yo dipshits! Cid's the name!" said the voice commandingly. Fang walked over to Luneth, who was looking around for the source of the voice.

"Over here, dumbass! I'm from Rocket Town, but I've been stuck here in this fucking town ever since a stupid freaking rock came outta nowhere and blocked my way back. Now I'm a fucking ghost because some asshole cast a fucking spell on the whole place! It sucks!" Cid continued.

Director: Something's wrong…

"Luneth, we have to do something to help these people!" Fang said to Luneth, who nodded.

"Say, if I lent ya my Tiny Bronco, then…" Cid began, but was cut off.

Director: Cut! That's what's wrong! I asked for Cid Haze, not Cid Highwind!

"Fucking hell…thought I'd get away with it too." Cid Highwind muttered, leaving the scene.

"Still think you don't need to change names every once in a while?" Luneth asked smugly.

Director: Luneth, one more complaint and I'm docking your pay.

**Cid Take 3:**

Luneth and Fang gazed at where the voice of Cid was coming from, finally realizing what had happened to the town. The curse must have made them all invisible and intangible, so they pretty much didn't exist. However, their voices still remained, so there was still hope of saving them.

"From what I hear, this curse can be dispelled through the power of a mithril…" Cid began.

"Mythril," came a voice from off screen.

"ring. Unfortunately, we seem to be all out of mithril…"

"Mythril!"

"rings here. Even if we could get the mithril…"

"MYTHRIL GODAMMIT!" the voice screamed, and a very angry Firion stormed onstage with a warhammer in one hand, and a lump of the metal that they were all discussing. Cid glared at Firion, promising swift death.

"You see this? This is MYTHRIL! M-Y-T-H-R-I-L! SAY IT RIGHT, OR I'LL SHOW YOU JUST WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE WHO DON'T!" Firion ranted, a vein pulsing in his brow.

"Mithril!" Cid sapped impudently, smiling cheekily at the rebel warrior. Firion gained an anger mark on his forehead. Then another. Then five more. Then he cast an Ultima level 16 Spell on Cid, burning him severely and destroying the entire backdrop. Then, Firion leapt on his body and began bashing it repeatedly with his warhammer, punctuating each hit he made with a letter.

"M!"

Whack.

"Y!"

Whack.

"T!"

Whack.

"H!"

Whack.

"R!"

Whack.

"I!"

Whack.

"L!"

Whackawhacka SMASH!

Director: Cut…Firion, you need to keep your temper in check…or it's coming out of your next paycheck.

**Meeting Refia Take 1:**

Cid had given them permission to use his airship in order to end the curse, which was a huge benefit to Luneth and Fang. They rejoiced in the fact that they would no longer have to walk from now on.

They stood before the airship, which had been hidden in a canyon in the desert.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Luneth commented. Fang could only nod as they walked up to its entrance. Stepping inside, they realized that they were at the bottom of the airship, and would have to climb to the top, where the steering mechanism was sure to be. However, the two stopped at the sight of a girl standing with her back to them. She turned around to reveal a very badly dressed Terraform, who had obviously been chosen to play a girl's part.

"Erk! Who are…" Terraform began, but then a pair of fake breasts fell down from his shirt. "Dammit! Hey, cut the scene! My freaking boobs fell off again!"

Luneth and Fang, as well as Kamec who was off-screen, immediately found themselves rolling on the floor with laughter at the incredibly gay looking Terraform.

"It's not my damn fault Mr. snazzy director over there decided to have me play a girl!" Terraform yelled at them.

Director: *chuckles* Cut. Put them back on and let's try again.

**Meeting Refia Take 2: (WARNING: CONTAINS EXPLETIVES)**

Cid had given them permission to use his airship in order to end the curse, which was a huge benefit to Luneth and Fang. They rejoiced in the fact that they would no longer have to walk from on.

They stood before the airship, which had been hidden in a canyon in the desert.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Luneth commented. Fang could only nod as they walked up to its entrance. Stepping inside, they realized that they were at the bottom of the airship, and would have to climb to the top, where the steering mechanism was sure to be. However, the two stopped at the sight of a girl standing with her back to them. She turned around to reveal a very badly dressed Terraform, who had obviously been chosen to play a girl's part.

"Erk! Who are…" Terraform began, but then a pair of fake breasts fell down from his shirt. "MOTHER FUCKER! Director, I don't think this is going to work."

As half the cast began laughing again, the Director pondered what he was going to do to make this work. Then, the door that led outside of the studio opened to reveal a very imposing figure. Eyes turned to the new arrival, who had a calm smile on his face. He seemed benevolent, but everything about him screamed danger.

The man walked into the light, revealing his features. He was wearing a white shihakusho with black trims, as well as a white overcoat that split into two coattails at the bottom. His eyes were a deep brown, as well as his hair. His hair was short and slicked back, except for one strand that dangled down in front of his face. The three muses easily recognized who it was, and their blood froze. It was Aizen Sousuke.

"You!" screamed an angry Firion, who had his lance out and ready. The hero of Fynn charged forward, bringing down his lance on the main villain of the Bleach series, who never let his smile drop for an instant. Firion was glad to see his lance sink deep into Aizen's skin, drawing blood. However, Aizen continued to smile. Firion growled and impaled the former captain through the middle. Then, two things happened simultaneously.

The image of Aizen that Firion had been attacking shattered into millions of pieces like it had never been. At the same time, a Firion's eyes widened as he felt something slash him across the chest, leaving a deep bloody gash. He fell to the ground, unable to move. Standing behind him was Aizen, his sword outstretched and bloody. Nobody had even seen it happen.

"Ah, Firion. The Hero of Fynn I presume?" Aizen said calmly, sheathing his sword. Firion let out a weak cry from where he lay. "Always the one to strike first, with a blade that wishes to end the conflict."

"Wait a minute!" Terraform said, pointing at Aizen in confusion. The three muses, instead of seeing Firion seemingly kill Aizen and then get cut, had seen Firion slash at midair and Aizen casually cut him across the chest. "How could Firion have been fooled by your illusions?! I thought he had to have seen you release your sword first!"

"We…we did see it…" Luneth spoke up…his small body shaking in fear. The three muses looked at him and waited for him to explain. "There was a break in at the broadcast center this morning."

"But that means…" Kamec said, before cutting off as he realized what had happened.

"Correct. I had access to every one of these television sets of yours," Aizen clarified. "The entire world saw my release."

The three muses simultaneously turned a pale white. Then, Terraform realized something, and he grinned.

"We haven't seen your sword! Your illusions can't fool us!" the muse taunted, though if Aizen had been surprised or shocked, he didn't show it. "STOP SMILING, DAMN YOU!"

"Kudakero, _Kyōka Suigetsu," _Aizen stated before any of the muses could look away. Then there was a sound like glass shattering, and then Aizen was in front of Terraform. Terraform looked up at Aizen in fear. The former captain was smiling as usual, and it made him that much scarier.

"If you are scared, I can understand," Aizen said in what should have been an understanding tone, but to all that knew him, it was spoken with a menacing connotation. Terraform then grew angry and threw a punch at Aizen. However, it went straight through him, and Aizen reappeared in the center of the room.

"SHIT! We're vulnerable!" Fang cursed, punching the ground angrily.

Director: What do you want, Aizen? Do you want the rights to my games? What the HELL do you want?!

"I want your game to succeed," Aizen replied calmly. The director looked shocked. "The failure of any of your games would cause an indisputable effect on future generations, as well as the creation of a certain individual."

Director: What are you even talking about?

"By helping you, I can help myself." Aizen restated, simplifying his previous statement. "There seems to be a problem here that only I can fix."

Aizen then stared at Terraform, who began to sweat. Then he began to smell something nice. It smelled faintly of some sort of fruit, sort of like make-up that some girls wore. Fang then looked at Terraform and after a second of looking dumbfounded, he laughed. Kamec looked at him and laughed as well.

Director: Oh my Tanner, you were right!

"What? What does everybody…holy shit," Terraform began, and then stopped when he heard his own voice. It sounded much higher pitched, and much more musical sounding than he expected. He looked down at himself, but couldn't see his stomach over the large breasts that were suddenly present on his chest.

"GIVE ME A MIRROR!" Terraform hollered, running into the dressing room. Upon seeing his reflection, his jaw dropped. He was no longer male.

Long, golden brown locks fell from his hair like a waterfall of silk, reaching down to the middle of his back. His face was now clear and unmarked, and was much more perfect. He looked at himself, noting his large breasts and continued down to his hairless, slender legs. Then he started, and reached a hand into his pants to discover that a certain part of him was missing.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!" Terraform hollered, running out into the middle of the room again. Fang and Kamec were on the floor, laughing their asses off.

"You turned him into a fucking girl! That's priceless!" Fang choked in between laughs.

"Exactly HOW much have I changed? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN!" Terraform demanded, pointing at Aizen.

"As you know, the ability of my Zanpaktou is complete hypnosis. Therefore, for all intents and purposes, you will now think and act like a girl, while still retaining your previous memories," Aizen explained. "Now, I am finished here."

Director: Wait, THAT'S what you came to do?

Terraform had turned completely pale, understanding exactly what she was going to feel like from now on.

"My…my…MY SEX LIFE!" she screamed, falling to her knees. This just made Fang and Kamec, who were struggling to breath, laugh even harder.

"I...I can't breathe!" Kamec choked out. Fang's face was completely red, his eyes screwed shut as he laughed.

Marilith walked out of the dressing room, in her naked human form, and walked up to Terraform, who was crying her eyes out. She knelt down and lifted Terraform's chin with her finger. Then she planted a kiss on her lips, causing all of the guys in the room to stare at them with little hearts in their eyes.

"I'll still have sex with you," Marilith whispered to Terraform after breaking off from the kiss.

"Thank you, Marilith! I am loving you right now," she said to the fiend. Then a vein pulsed in her forehead and she glared at all of the other people in the room. "ALL OF YOU HORNY GUYS STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME OR I'LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF!"

"Great…" Luneth muttered as he stood next to Firion, who was being healed by Aerith. "Terraform's been replaced by a woman in puberty. How ever shall we survive?"

Director: Let's…let's just try to redo the scene over again, shall we?

**Meeting Refia take 3:**

Cid had given them permission to use his airship in order to end the curse, which was a huge benefit to Luneth and Fang. They rejoiced in the fact that they would no longer have to walk from on.

They stood before the airship, which had been hidden in a canyon in the desert.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Luneth commented. Fang could only nod as they walked up to its entrance. Stepping inside, they realized that they were at the bottom of the airship, and would have to climb to the top, where the steering mechanism was sure to be. However, the two stopped at the sight of a girl standing with her back to them. She turned around to Terraform, who was now a very authentic girl.

"Erk! Who are you?! What are you doing here?" Terraform exclaimed in the perfect surprised female voice. As Luneth prepared to reply, a man dressed in red robes and with dark purple hair appeared in front of Terraform.

"You ask me who I am, yet you just said my name. Are you lacking in intelligence?" Erk, a mage from Fire Emblem, answered Terraform, who had the best wtf face ever.

"Maybe I am. Can you help me with that?" Terraform replied in a suggestive tone, leaning in to Erk's body and gazing up at him. Erk stammered something incoherently, a light blush on his face.

"Uh…Terraform…" Fang spoke hesitantly. Then Terraform realized what she was doing and freaked out.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING! DAMN YOU AIIZEEEEENN!" she screamed, pulling at her hair.

"I'm so confused…" Erk commented, turning the other way.

Director: Aren't we all. I think I called cut the second you arrived. Go back to Lycia.

**Meeting Ingus Take 1:**

The newly formed trio followed the official looking knight into the castle, where he would be leading them straight to the throne room. A few guards would shoot amorous glances at Terraform, but she would always give them a glare so intense that they would begin to sweat and would pull down their visors.

Luneth walked side by side with Fang, whose incredible height was causing the guards around him to gaze at him warily. The knight in front of them all never made a sound apart from the usual clanking of chainmail and armor. When they finally entered the throne room, they found it empty, just like Kazus.

"Where is everyone?" Luneth whispered. Suddenly, an authoritative voice boomed out from the polished throne at the head of the room.

"The Djinni's curse has befallen us all, and I am no exception." It said, and Luneth recognized the voice of their king, Sasune. As well as the knight that had led them here, Luneth knelt down. Realizing that he would look foolish if he remained standing, Fang followed suit. Terraform grumbled and did the same.

"Sire," the knight spoke up, and Fang and Terraform recognized the voice as Kamec's. "These younglings have come seeking…"

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Terraform shrieked, her brow wrinkled in a cute expression of anger. Kamec turned around, his visor still shut.

"Is there something you need, Refia?" Kamec said smoothly, not missing a beat. Luneth was impressed. He had some good improvisation skills.

"First off, you're the same age as us! Do you really expect to get away with calling us younglings onscreen? I mean seriously!" Terraform criticized. "Secondly, my name is NOT Refia! Terraform! Terraform! SAY AFTER ME!"

Director: Cut! Ref…I mean Terraform, you will answer to the name assigned to you in the script! And please stop pointing out every plot hole you come across…

Terraform pouted, causing Fang to laugh at him. Kamec just sighed, seeing as he was the only one who was actually trying to do his part well.

"I have one last question," Terraform piped up.

Director: Do I even want to know?

"How come the guards and stuff are visible and stuff, while everyone else is invisible?" Terraform asked.

Director: Look at it this way. In the script, the only thing that can defeat the Djinn is a ring made out of a certain metal. You see, the guards are all wearing mith…

"Excuse me?" came a voice. The director turned to see Firion standing in the corner, the cut on his chests swathed in bandages. However, the look on his face was murderous.

Director. Like I was saying, the guards are all wearing mythril armor…

"Thank you!"

Director: So it makes sense for them not to be affected. Understand.

"Because that makes sense in the final fantasy world. Okay." Terraform shot back. Fang finally had enough of her bitching and knocked her over the head with his fist. Terraform yelped and held her hands to the point where she had been hit.

"Ow! Why would you hit a girl, you meanie! Wait…" Terraform cried, but then cut off as she realized what she had just said. "AUGGGH!"

Fang and Kamec just started laughing again at their friend's expense.

**Meeting Ingus Take 2:**

The situation was grave. The only way to dispel the curse would be to use the mythril ring to seal him up, and the only ring around was in the hands of the princess, who had gone missing in search of the djinn herself. The King was beside himself with worry, and yet he couldn't leave his castle undefended to go search for her.

"Don't worry, we'll get her back!" Luneth swore to the invisible king. The knight, who had been called Ingus by the King, then spoke.

"Sire, I would like to ask you for your leave to accompany these brave souls to the sealed cave, and rescue Princess Sara," Ingus requested formally.

"You have my leave, Ingus. Unless there are any objections?" Sasune replied. Terraform looked up and scoffed.

"Of course not! His sword is worth twice as much as these two," she snapped, referring to Luneth and Fang. The latter suppressed a smile as he heard Terraform's lines.

"Trust you to be thinking about his sword," Fang remarked. Terraform looked confused at first.

"What do you…OH FUCK YOU FANG!" she screamed at him harshly while Kamec and Fang laughed.

Director: Cut…*laughs as well*

**The WightSlayer Take 1:**

Luneth, Terraform, Kamec, and Fang walked up to the western tower in Castle Sasune, gazing up at it in anticipation.

"So, what, some epic sword or another is in here?" Fang prompted. Luneth shrugged, looking at the map in his hand.

"What kind of sword!? Oh, I want to use it!" Terraform jumped up and down in girly glee. Fang stifled a laugh and whispered to Kamec so that the director couldn't hear.

"Are you sure Aizen only hypnotized him? I could swear he IS a girl now." Kamec nodded in agreement, a grin crossing his face.

"Of course not. I'm the one dealing all the damage, so I get the sword!" Luneth snapped. Terraform gave him a glare and ran up to the door of the tower.

"Not if I get it first!" she cried, and threw open the door. Fang and Kamec glanced at one another.

"Oh, I don't THINK so!" Fang roared, charging in after Terraform, closely followed by Kamec. Luneth yelped and ran after them as well, not wanting to be left behind. The door shut behind them.

It was only a minute before the door slammed open again, the four heroes charging out screaming like little girls.

"AH THERES A ZOMBIE KEEP AWAY KEEP AWAYYYY!" Terraform shrieked, throwing her arms up in the air and running around.

"DOES THE KING NOT EVEN FUCKING CARE THERE'S UNDEAD IN HIS CASTLE?!" Kamec screamed, throwing himself to the ground.

"DAMN IT TO HELL!" Fang roared, and slammed his foot into a pursuing zombie, throwing it back inside. "SUCK ON THAT, BITCH!"

Luneth tried running out as well, only for a skeletal hand to grab his collar and drag him back inside, the door shutting behind him.

"OH GOD WHY MOMMY SAVE ME!" were just a few of the hysterical cries the three remaining heroes heard from their friend.

"Pussy. At least I looked badass," Fang quipped.

Over near the director, The Biggs and Wedge from Galbadia were standing next to the director, chuckling quietly. Biggs turned to the director.

"Sir, I think this is way off script," he informed him.

Director: Actually…there's no script for this part, since this isn't actually a cutscene…but this is hilarious. Cut! Try the scene again, but make sure you keep this recording.

"Understood sir!" Wedge chimed in.

**The WightSlayer Take 2:**

The four heroes again stood at the foot of the tower, each of them possessing stern looks on their faces. Luneth snapped his fingers, and fire erupted around his hand.

"All right, everyone! We are going to get this sword. You all have your fire magic ready?" he called.

"Oh I am so on fire," Fang grinned, and his hands lit on fire as well. Kamec fumbled a bit for a second, and then he realized how to use magic.

"I got it!" he said. Terraform squeaked and there was a small explosion. The three looked over at her to see that her fire magic had blown up in her face, singeing her hair and face and covering her with soot.

"AGH! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" she shrieked, earning laughs from the others. Luneth opened the door to the tower, and immediately blasted the zombie behind it with his fire magic, burning it to a crisp.

"All right! Let's go!" Luneth commanded. Fang, Kamec, and Terraform followed him into the tower.

Zombies immediately assaulted them. This time, they were prepared. Fang drew his sword and cut the legs out from under a charging zombie, and then sidestepped it and moved to assault the next zombie. Kamec sent a blazing fireball at a pack of three zombies heading at him, burning them all to a crisp.

"Triple Kill!" he said in the Halo announcer's voice. Luneth managed to kill a few more. That's when they all heard something odd.

"Um, is it just me, or do I hear someone crying?" he asked tentatively. Terraform slashed through a zombie and then stopped to listen. It was true. Heart wrenching sobs could be heard echoing through the tower halls.

"It's a damsel in distress! We must help her!" Kamec declared heroically, and then charged ahead.

"Wait! It might be a…" Luneth began, but Kamec was already out of sight. "…trap…"

"Two bucks says Kamec doesn't come back in one piece," Fang said to Terraform, who smiled and shook Fang's outstretched hand.

The sobs, which were clearly feminine in nature, suddenly changed into angry screeches, sounding like a wild animal. Then Kamec's bloodcurdling screams began filtering back to them.

"WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" Kamec screamed, just as he flew out of the passageway and into sight of the three remaining heroes. He hit the wall, and the others saw that his clothes were torn to rags, and several gashes and cuts were inflicted on his body. He didn't move.

"That'll be two bucks, ma'am," Fang reminded Terraform, who sighed and paid up. That's when the group noticed that the sobs were growing louder.

"Wait a minute. Did Ingus just say 'witch?'" Luneth spoke slowly. Fang and Terraform froze.

The camera panned to show the outside of the tower as the sobs turned into screeches and the screams of the heroes could be heard.

Director: Cut! Who the hell put a witch in the tower?

Biggs and Wedge began laughing their asses off, and then they high fived one another.

Director: I swear, you two…

**Rescuing the Princess Take 1:**

The group slowly progressed through the sealed cave, killing any monster in their way. The princess had to be in here somewhere. Luneth knew that it was unlikely that she would be alive, considering the power of the monsters here, but either way they needed the mithril ring that she…

That's when the authoress abruptly had to vacate her chair as Firion came flying out of her computer screen and began chasing her around with a warhammer.

"MYTHRIL DAMMIT!"

**Rescuing the Princess Take 2:**

The group slowly progressed through the sealed cave, killing any monster in their way. The princess had to be in here somewhere. Luneth knew that it was unlikely that she would be alive, considering the power of the monsters here, but either way they needed the mythril ring that she had.

They hadn't gone much farther before they began to see the bodies of dead monsters, burnt to a crisp by what seemed to be thunder magic.

"This is the princess's magic," Kamec observed in a serious voice, falling back into the Ingus persona. "She must be nearby."

"Good. Let's get this ring and nail that Djinn," Luneth replied.

As the group moved on, they started hearing the sounds of lightning magic in the caves. Soon, the princess herself was in sight, surrounded by a large group of monsters. The four heroes had to stop and stare with their jaws open at what they saw.

"Hyah!" she cried, drawing her sword and slashing it through the body of a humanoid lizard. It screeched and fell to the ground, where she blasted it with a bolt of intense lightning.

"Are those…thundaga spells?" Luneth asked weakly. Princess Sara was like a white and blue whirlwind, slicing and cutting through the monsters around her, without gaining a single injury in the process.

"Is that all you've got?" she demanded of a large drake, which hissed and snapped at her. Even as its head was moving forward to snap, she slammed her armored fist into its nose, breaking it and forcing the monster to recoil backwards in pain. Then, she shot her hand out and unleashed a potent thundaga spell, frying the monster where it stood.

When the last monster had fallen, Sara walked over to them, sheathing her blade. A warm smile crossed her face as she saw Kamec. She walked forward and embraced him, earning a blush from the hero.

"Ingus! Thank goodness you're all right!" she cried. Terraform couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Can I just say how freaking backwards this is?" she finally snapped. Sara released Kamec and stared at Terraform in confusion.

"What is?" she asked. Terraform gestured wildly at her and the dead monsters around us.

"In all these old games, it's always the princess who gets kidnapped and rescued and is a complete pussy the entire time! Hence, Zelda. Hence, princess fucking PEACH!" Terraform ranted. "Yet here you are, kicking ass, and then you walk up to us and say 'thank god you're all right?'"

"Um…" Sara deadpanned, but the Director came to her rescue.

Director: Cut! Terraform! Don't break the scene just because I chose not to be like the stereotype!

**Rescuing the Princess Take 3:**

"Ingus! Thank goodness you're alright!" Princess Sara cried, walking up to the knight of Sasune. Kamec stepped up to her, a serious look on his face.

"Milady, you must hurry back to the castle. We will take care of the rest here," he beseeched her, but she did not look convinced at all.

"But before you go, we'd like to borrow your mythril ring," Terraform informed her greedily, a grin lighting up her face as she gazed at the ring in question.

"Oh, you just want the ring!" Fang accused, breaking script and causing the Director to gain an anime anger mark on his forehead.

"But it's…so…SHINY!" Terraform bawled, lunging at Sara, only to be shocked to near death with a thundaga spell.

Director: God almighty! Cut!

**Rescuing the Princess Take 4:**

The group slowly progressed through the sealed cave, killing any monster in their way. The princess had to be in here somewhere. Luneth knew that it was unlikely that she would be alive, considering the power of the monsters here, but either way they needed the mythril ring that she had.

They hadn't gone much farther when the rocky interior of the cave gave way to tiled floor. The heroes looked around in bewilderment at their new surroundings.

A lush red carpet extended from their feet, up a ramp, and to a throne, where the princess was tied.

"This place looks vaguely familiar," Fang mused, but Kamec was already rushing up to the princess.

"Milady Sara! Are you alright?" he cried, kneeling at her feet and attempting to undo her bonds. Sara looked at them in complete confusion.

"Who are you?" she asked in genuine surprise. Kamec looked shocked.

"Milady Sara! It is I, Ingus, your humble servant!" he reminded her, showing her his face. She still did not seem to recognize him.

"No matter, just get me out of here before he comes back!" Sara begged. Kamec nodded and began to work faster.

"Who, the Djinn?" Luneth asked. Sara shook her head. Then she looked over Kamec's shoulder and her eyes went wide.

"No, him!" she screamed. The heroes turned to see a very familiar armored knight wielding a large, unique sword.

"So, you have finally come, Warriors of Light. I, Garland, will knock you all…wait a minute, you're not the warriors of light," Garland did a double take. "The fuck are you doing here?"

"We're here to rescue Princess Sara!" Kamec cried at him. The Sara on the throne groaned.

"Garland! You will let her free at once!" the actual Warrior of Light came in with Maximilian, Ninja, and Samurai. Garland looked between the two groups of heroes, perplexed.

"Director!" Garland roared. "I think you need to change the plots of one of our games!"

"Yeah, Warriors of Light saving Princess Saras is getting really old!" Fang shouted.

Director: Cut….try to stay on your own set, Luneth.

"Why am _I _being blamed?!" Luneth yelled.

**Level up:**

Terraform twirled her dual daggers expertly, executing quick stabs and cuts on the lamia in front of her, while at the same time managing to steal a potion from it. The build up of small wounds soon became too much for the lamia to bear, and it crashed to the ground and began to bleed out.

"Oh yeah!" Terraform yelled in triumph. That's when the gold colored words "level up!" appeared in the air above her head. "Level up? Hmm…what am I supposed to do…"

Terraform pulled out her script and read over what she was supposed to do when she leveled up. When she discovered the answer, her face turned red with anger.

"No no no no NO!" she screeched at the top of her lungs, causing Fang, Kamec, and Luneth to cover their ears.

Director: Cut! Refia, what is it now?

"I simply REFUSE to do a little fucking twirl! I REFUSE! AND MY NAME IS TERRAFORM!" she whirled on the director, pointing at the script. Fang and Kamec suddenly pictured Terraform doing a twirl and began to chuckle.

Director: Do it or you're not getting paid for this.

"I swear…by the end of this game…I am going to murder you…" Terraform grumbled as she grudgingly twirled around. Fang and Kamec…were rolling on the ground. Laughing their asses off.

**Confrontation with the Djinn Take 1:**

The heroes, with their weapons drawn and ready, charged into the final room of the Sealed Cave to see the Djinn sitting on his rug, meditating.

The Djinn was in the shape of a portly, middle-aged man who was far too fit for his chosen age. He was mostly bald, with his only hair consisting of a braid stretching down over his shoulder. He opened an eye to look at them.

"I've been waiting for you," The Djinn uttered in a deep voice, and he slowly rose to his feet, fire billowing out from his form. "It's time for…for…what's so funny?"

Fang was trying to hide his laughter behind Luneth, but was failing. He pointed at the Djinn and kept laughing.

"It's nothing. It's just that I expected a really badass djinn made of like, shadow and flame or something, not some fat ass!" the tall muse explained between his laughter. The Djinn gazed at him in shock, and then a vein twitched in his forehead.

"I am not fat! I'm just a big man!" the Djinn roared, and then engulfed Fang in a burst of fire.

Director: Cut…Fang, don't insult the actors…

**Confrontation with the Djinn Take 2:**

The heroes, with their weapons drawn and ready, charged into the final room of the Sealed Cave to see the Djinn sitting on his rug, meditating.

The Djinn was in the shape of a portly, middle-aged man who was far too fit for his chosen age. He was mostly bald, with his only hair consisting of a braid stretching down over his shoulder. He opened an eye to look at them.

"I've been waiting for you," The Djinn uttered in a deep voice, and he slowly rose to his feet, fire billowing out from his form.

"Good! I hope you are ready to be sealed up again!" Princess Sara challenged, pulling out the mythril ring from her pocket. "Face the power of the mythril ring!"

Princess Sara put on the ring…and abruptly vanished form view. The Djinni raised an eyebrow, and his eyes began to dart around the room quickly, searching for her.

Then, his arm shot out and grasped air, but the resounding gasp told the heroes that he had found the princess.

"I can make myself unseen if I wish it, but to disappear entirely? That is a rare gift," The Djinn complimented her.

Director: Cut…did you seriously just…

"I love that movie!" Biggs called out to the Djinn, who turned and gave the Galbadian a very uncharacteristic smile.

**Confrontation with the Djinn Take 3:**

The Djinni bellowed out his anger and swooped down on the party, fireballs forming in each of his hand. The heroes scattered to the four corners of the room. It was good that they did, because The Djinn's fireballs slammed into the ground just where they used to be standing.

"Watch out!" Sara shouted. Her hands shot out, releasing a powerful thundaga bolt that collided with one of the Djinn's fireballs. The resulting explosion knocked the heroes back, but not for long. The air chilled to near zero around Luneth's body, as ice crystals began to form in his hands.

"Blizzard!" he declared, and the ice crystals went streaming at the Djinn. The Djinn wasn't phased. He simply blew fire onto them, melting them to nothing. "Oh that's not even fair!"

"My turn!" Kamec announced. He propelled himself off the cave wall and drew two swords. The Djinn saw him coming, but Kamec was already there. He slashed forward, leaving gashes on the Djinn's body. Instead of blood, reddish white rays of light shot out of the wounds, but they soon healed themselves over.

"That…hurt…" the Djinn growled. A huge fireball formed in his left hand even as he backhanded Kamec against the wall. "HOW DARE YOU!"

Kamec looked up in fear as the huge fireball came hurtling towards him. He shut his eyes, knowing that he would be burnt to a crisp by this attack.

However, all he felt was a rush of warm air. He opened his eyes once more to see an impossibly tall figure standing in front of him. It was dressed in a dark red and blue cape decorated with the pattern of dancing flames. Two reddish horns protruded out of his dark red hair. Kamec gulped as he recognized who was in front of him.

"Who are you?!" the Djinn demanded, gazing at the newcomer. Rubicante grinned wolfishly, flames hotter than anything in this universe forming around him. Even the Djinn himself, who was accustomed to the heat of fire, recoiled from the sheer amount of heat coming off of the Autarch of Flame.

"You call that a fireball?" Rubicante criticized, stepped forward. Then, a massive aura of flames erupted from the ground around Rubicante, causing his cape to flutter around him as if through wind. Nearby, Luneth yelped as his armor began to melt.

"I'll show you how to _really _use fire…NO ONE IS HOTTER THAN ME!" Rubicante roared, and the Fiend dashed forward and collided with the Djinni, all of the flame surrounding him turning a searing blue and burning the Djinni to a crisp.

Director: Cut…Rubicante…this is the wrong set…

"Aerith…I need a great gospel…" the pile of ashes that was the Djinn muttered.

Director: Yeah, where is that girl anyway?

Aerith was sitting on a bench behind the director, making out with Sephiroth while Cloud and Zack rolled around on the floor bawling.

Director: …

**The Wind Crystal:**

Luneth, Kamec, Terraform, and Fang displayed mixed reactions at the sudden change in surroundings. One second, they had been enjoying their victory over the Djinn, and the next they were in a chamber constructed out of materials the like of which no one had ever seen.

Luneth displayed immediate recognition upon gazing up at the floating crystal. Light filtered from the core of the crystal and lit the room with its radiance.

"I know this place! This is where I was chosen to be the first warrior of light!" Luneth exclaimed. Fang stood up, curiously running a hand along the cold tiling that made up the walls.

"Where is this? Is that the crystal?" Kamec questioned. He walked up to the crystal, and that's when a voice echoed through the room.

"It is I who summoned you," The crystal spoke. "You four have been chosen to be the warriors of light, the bringers of love. You must take with you the last of my light…and the last of the world's hope. Unless you act, the light will be lost, and the equilibrium will be forever lost. Once you take in the light, you will be able to extract the power from the other crystals. Do you all…oh you have got to be kidding me."

The four heroes were lying on the ground, clearly asleep.

Director: Oh come on! It's not _that _boring.

**Cleansing of the Ring:**

Thanks to Sara's ring, the Djinn was now sealed away forever. However, to prevent the possibility of someone releasing him again, Princess Sara was on her way to cleanse the ring into the holy waters of the Sasune Spring. This would eradicate the evil Djinn forever.

The four heroes ran into the room housing the spring to see Princess Sara gazing at the ring with a blank expression on her face as she held it over the water.

"Throw it! Throw it into the water!" Luneth screamed. Sara made no reply. Luneth took a step forward, panic evident on his face. "What are you waiting for?!"

Sara turned her head slowly, fixing Luneth with a sinister glint in her eye. She began to clutch the ring closer to her chest, as if to protect it.

Director: Wait a minute….

"Just let it go!" Luneth begged. Sara turned completely away form the water, her expression now mirroring the glint in her eyes.

"The ring is mine," she snapped, and then put it on her finger and disappeared.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Luneth shouted, falling to his knees.

Director: CUT! Seriously? That was word for word even! Did you two plan that?

"We might have," Sara admitted. Luneth turned to see the muses sitting back in armchairs that they had pulled from nowhere, drinking wine from elegant glasses. They were wearing monocles and top hats.

"Excellent performance, chaps! Wouldn't you say so, my dear Fang?" Kamec praised.

"Quite. Good show, Luneth my lad," Fang agreed, lifting his wineglass to honor the two.

"Jolly good!" Terraform chimed in.

Director: *facepalms*

**Refia's Return:**

Terraform let her gaze drop to the floor, a shy expression crossing her face as she thought of something to say to her three traveling companions.

"It's just that… we all promised the crystal we'd go on our journey, and I don't want to be a smith just yet. I'm thankful to father for taking care of an orphan like me for all these years, but this is something I have to do." She jerked her gaze back up to look into Luneth's eyes.

"Wait, you're an orphan too?" Luneth could hardly believe his ears. What were the chances of the two of them being orphans?

"Too? You mean…" Terraform gasped.

"I'm one," Fang interjected. Luneth and Terraform stared at him in shock. Then Kamec joined the conversation.

"I, too, have no parents," he expressed. Luneth sighed and looked down at his hands. He seemed to be counting up to something.

"We're all orphans…and so were the original warriors of light…and so was Firion and Maria, and Cecil too, oh wait! Bartz too! Why does this keep happening?!" Luneth began screaming hysterically. "IT FEELS LIKE AN ENDLESS CYCLE!"

Director: Cut… *turns around in his chair and glares at the nearby figure*

Garland, who was doing his best to look as innocent as possible, raised his hands in protest.

"What? I had _nothing _to do with it." He asserted.

**Jobs Part 1:**

Luneth and the muses walked off stage after they finally got the scene with the Wind Crystal done right.

"Yes! We did it!" Luneth exclaimed jubilantly. Fang just grunted and strode ahead.

"Finally," Terraform snapped. "That took way too much time."

"So what happens now? We have to take a look at the Job system, right?" Kamec inquired. Luneth nodded, catching up to Fang.

"This way, Fang. We have to go to the director's office to learn about the jobs we are being given," the boy reminded. Fang grunted again, in a bad mood since he had to act like a "pussy" as he called it, for several hours.

The group walked past the assistant director's office, ignoring the loud moaning sounds from within. Luneth sighed irritably.

"Don't they do _anything _other than have sex?!" Luneth muttered. The response from the muses was unanimous.

"Nope."

"Nah,"

"Nuh-uh."

Soon, the group made their way into the director's office, where the man himself was sitting at his computer.

Director: Good, you're here. As you know, this game uses a complex system known as the job system, to give the players a bit of freedom in choosing their strategies and weapons.

"Sounds fascinating," Kamec whispered. He waited for the man to continue speaking.

"Sounds boring," Fang countered, only to get a death glare from the director.

Director: So, the jobs you all have to choose from are Warrior, Thief, Monk, Black Mage, White Mage, and Red Mag…

"Red Mage!" the muses immediately said unanimously, and then they started glaring at one another.

"Onion Knight!" Luneth squealed, hopping up and down. He was then thrown out of the room by the three muses.

"Shut up kid," Fang ordered. "Now, since I'm the tallest, I get to be the Red Mage."

"That is not fair! I'm the oldest, so I get to be the Red Mage!" Terraform interjected.

"And I'm the…swag…iest?" Kamec started, but then realized how stupid what he was saying was going to be and stopped.

Director: And here I was thinking that you guys had unique preferences. You know what? None of you get to be the red mage.

There was the sound of the muses groaning in disappointment.

Director: In fact, I'll be choosing your jobs. Refia, you are going to be the white mage of this party.

"Son of a bitch! I _would _get the pussy white mage. Great. And my name is Terraform!" Terraform complained. The director fixed her with a glare.

Director: Wrong. As long as you are in my production, then you will be going by the name of your assigned character. Understood, Refia?

"…Yes…sir…."

Director: Good. Now, Arc, you will be the party's black mage. Your role will be casting offensive spells.

"You know, I'm surprisingly okay with that. So I'm the guy tossing out Firagas 'n shit?" Fang questioned, a grin on his face.

Director: Yes. Luneth, you are going to be the…

"Onion Knight?!" the boy ran into the room with an intense look of enthusiasm on his face.

Director: …warrior.

Luneth burst into tears and ran out of the room saying something about Onion Knights but no one cared.

Director: Ingus, you are going to be the Monk. So you won't be using a weapon. Understand?

"Well this sucks," Kamec complained…and then he realized what he just said. He was now receiving death glares from everyone in the room. "I sense incoming pain."

The director of all people stood up from his desk and ran to Kamec. Before the muse could do anything, the director lifted him up off the ground with one hand, slammed him on the ground, and then planted his boot into the muse's chest and ground it there. The sound of cracking ribs could be heard.

The remaining muses looked at the director with a new respect.

Director: Now, am I understood?

He received nods in response.

Director: Good. Then go and outfit yourself from the armory. Oh, and Refia. If I catch you on set wearing anything other than the White Mage dress, then you're not getting paid for that scene.

Terraform gulped and nodded. With that, the muses left the room.

**The Airship Take 1:**

The heroes stood on the opposite side of the mountain pass, finally having broken through the giant boulder that had been blocking their passage to Canaan.

"That took too long. We must hurry," Kamec urged. He ushered Luneth, Fang, and Terraform along, with Cid Haze not far behind.

After a few days of travel, Canaan stood before them. A few soldiers guarded the entrance to the meager town, but they all seemed to recognize Cid, and so their posture was not a hostile one.

"Mr. Haze! Good to see you back," the first soldier called. Cid strode ahead with his mouth curving into a smile, happy to see someone he recognized.

"Oh believe me, it's been a hell of a time getting here!" Cid assured them, giving a brotherly embrace to the guard. Luneth stepped up behind him, with the others not far away.

"Actually, that I want to know. How did you get past the boulder? Even the digging team was expected to take months to remove that thing," the soldier asked. Then he seemed to consider something, for he started. "Oh Cid, you didn't come over the mountains, did you?"

Cid was about to answer when Luneth stepped in front of him, a serious look on his youthful face.

"We added a ram to the airship! That one broke apart. So we built another. That one cracked, burned down, and then broke apart. BUT THE THIRD ONE BROKE THROUGH!" Luneth declared, earning giggles and facepalms from the listeners.

Director: There will be NO singing while I'm aro…I mean cut.

**Getting the Airship Engine:**

Cid gazed mournfully at the wreckage of his prized airship. It had been a necessary loss, but one that he regretted all the same.

"I'm sorry, Cid. I understand you worked years on her," Luneth apologized frantically. Cid was a big man, and despite his usual jolly demeanor, the way he wielded his war hammer in battle would give any sane man cause to think before pissing him off.

"Don't worry about it kid. You couldn't have known the airship would shatter from the impact. That rock was harder than I expected," Cid admitted, patting the scared kid on the shoulder. Luneth visibly relaxed.

"Looks like we're on foot for now," Kamec pointed out helpfully. Terraform sighed and gazed towards Canaan in the distance.

"That brings me to my next point. I'd assume y'all would want to get your hands on another airship. But you'll have to meet King Argus first. He's the one who knows how to make the engines. I just handle the hull," Cid explained. Luneth was about to inquire further when there was the sound of engines.

"What the…" Fang began as a giant, rocket propelled airship flew into view just above them, the landing ramp open. Standing on the ramp were several easily recognizable characters.

"Yo dipshits! Here's an alternative! How 'bout you hop on board my Shera, and we'll get ya there in no time!" Cid Highwind called from above. Goggles drawn back in his golden blonde hair and spear in hand, the engineer looked happier than ever.

Standing near him was Tifa, who was petting Red XIII softly on the head. Cait Sith was jumping around uttering random Scottish mannerisms while Yuffie chased him around firing bolt3 spells at him for some random reason.

Cloud himself was standing with his back to the wall, but was soon shoved to the ground by his best friend Zack, who promptly told him to stop being so emo.

"I don't know, either option sounds viable…" Kamec trailed off, bringing his epic improvisation skills into play. Cid met his gaze and let a mischievous grin cross his face.

"Just fyi, Aerith's aboard," was all Cid had to say. Without even taking a second to think, Fang, Terraform, and Kamec were scrambling aboard the Shera.

Cid Haze and Luneth watched the Shera blast away, metaphorically sweatdropping.

"What, no love for Haze?" Cid bemoaned. Luneth shrugged and turned the other way.

"Looks like I'm heading to Argus by myself."

Director: That's it. Cid Highwind is getting his pay cut. *yelps as a spear blade is pressed to his throat*

"I'd reconsider that if I were you," Kain Highwind advised coolly. The director gulped and nodded. "I look after my own."

**Dragon's peak Take 1:**

"What are we even doing here again?" Terraform moaned as she climbed over the lip of the cliff and joined the others.

"Good question. Luneth, you're in charge, so tell us what's up?" Fang complemented. Luneth was gazing up towards the summit of the mountain, probably thinking about how much they had left to go.

"Well, that scumbag who abandoned his girlfriend apparently has the mini spell, which we need to get to Tozus." That was enough for Fang. He sighed and started up the path after Luneth. Terraform was brooding, and it annoyed him.

"Damn it to hell…what's wrong with you _now, _Terraform?" Fang grunted in annoyance. "There's always SOMETHING wrong with you. Can't you ever be happy?"

"Want to let me get a word in edgewise?" Terraform snapped. "I just can't believe this guy. How dare he leave his girlfriend? The heart of a girl is a delicate thing, like a flower…"

"On second thought, forget I asked," Fang interrupted with a very disturbed look on his face.

A faint roar that increased in volume was the only warning they got. Bahamut swooped down upon them and attacked in an instant…or it would have had the warriors still been there.

"RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!"

"MOTHER OF GOD WHY?!"

"BAHA-FUCKING-MUT THIS EARLY?!"

"WELL THIS SUUU…" before Kamec could finish his scream he was abruptly engulfed by a potent Megaflare.

Director: Cut…how did they even know Bahamut was coming?

"Sir, they might have actually read ahead in the script," Wedge suggested. The Director looked like he might have a heart attack.

Director: You mean…they might actually have been semi-prepared? I think I might die a happy man now.

"Indeed. I'll get the confetti," Biggs added wryly.

**Dragon's peak take 2**:

Bahamut swooped down upon the heroes, claws outstretched and dripping with the blood of its previous kill. It fixed its devilish eyes upon them and roared, the very sound forcing the heroes to cover their ears.

"This will be a tough fight everyone," Luneth asserted, drawing his swords. He stepped forward, protecting Terraform and Fang, the weaker members of the team. "Ingus, do you have a plan?"

"I do. Luneth and I will be the damage dealers. Luneth, you and I will switch off attacking and guarding, to limit damage while still dealing some," Kamec began, speaking quickly while the dragon was still eyeing them for weak points. "Arc, hit that dragon with every bit of offensive magic you have. Hold nothing back."

"You got it," Fang grinned wolfishly, and held his hands out. Orbs of fire and lightning appeared in his hands.

"Refia, healing duty. Do not let up. Any restorative effects we can get could possibly win us the fight," Kamec finished. Terraform pouted, but readied her cure spells.

"On my mark…we attack!" Kamec ordered. He raised his hand, and then saw that the dragon was doing something.

It was charging a Megaflare.

"Shit." was all Kamec could saw before the entire group was annihilated.

Director: *laughs really hard* aaand THAT'S why I invented Megaflare. To be ridiculously powerful and a strategy wrecker when fighting Bahamut, and to be ridiculously weak when using it against bosses. Mwahaha I'm so evil.

**Dragon's peak take 3:**

Bahamut deposited them in a nest made of whole tree trunks and scrap metal, before taking off again. The nest was filled with half broken eggshells with baby dragons inside of them. Their cries of hunger made it all too clear what Bahamut intended to do with them.

"This is a disaster," Kamec groaned, nursing the wounds left by Bahamut's claws.

"No kidding," Fang agreed. He began to look for a way down, but ended up colliding with another human inhabitant of the nest.

"Whoa there!" the man said in surprise, stepping back. He was a tall man, dressed in a navy blue trenchcoat tied about his middle with a similarly colored belt. His hair was a dark brown color, slicked back and tied into a small ponytail that was groomed and left to dangle down his back. "Ha! I see you guys let yourself be caught by that dragon."

"You're one to talk," Luneth remarked. The man laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah you got me. The name is Desch, by the way," he introduced, extending his hand. Terraform waltzed past Luneth and stood next to Desch, obviously checking him out, much to Fang's amusement.

"Nice to meet you, Douche," Luneth answered. Desch turned an angry red.

"I said DESCH!" he roared and then roundhouse kicked Luneth off of the edge of the nest.

**Tozus:**

Getting into Tozus was harder than they thought. Desch indeed had the mini spell, but once they had shrunk themselves to the proper size to get inside, everything got harder from there. Their physical attacks became about as effective as spitballs, leaving everything up to Fang for offensive attacks. He was reveling in this role, toasting every enemy he found with Fira spells.

Upon reaching Tozus, the town upon which they had been trying so hard to reach…they discovered that it was nothing like they had expected.

The first living creature they saw was a tiny gnome looking thing that hopped up and down upon seeing them.

"Welcome to Tozus, friends! We're teeny and you're weeny! You're the itsy, to our bitsy!" It cried happily.

The crickets chirped as Luneth and the group stared at it with varying looks of confusion.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck." Fang started, only to be cut off by Luneth, whose face was growing redder.

"DIRECTOR, WHAT THE FUCK?! SERIOUSLY?! WHAT WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND WHEN YOU CAME UP WITH THIS?!" Luneth screamed at the hapless director.

Director: I forget. I think I was high at the time.

**Random Encounter Take 1:**

Luneth panted heavily, wiping the sweat off of his brow. He sheathed his sword, happy to see that the enemy was finally dead.

"Now that it's out of the way, let's press on," Kamec suggested. Luneth nodded, took a few steps, and then promptly found himself in another random encounter.

"CAN I TAKE MORE THAN TWO STEPS PLEASE?!" Luneth roared, tossing his sword up in the air.

**Random Encounter Take 2:**

This monster was tougher than the last. Terraform was running here and there, healing everyone she could lest they be taken down by a powerful blow from the parademon attacking them.

She had just healed Fang when the black mage took another hit, and he fell to his knees with the pain.

"GODDAMMIT! Refia! Get your ass back here and heal me better this time!" he called. Terraform gazed back at him with a cool look on her face.

"I'm sorry, did you find a problem with my healing?" she asked calmly. Fang glared at her.

"If you hadn't done such a shoddy job, then I wouldn't be kneeling here now would I?" he shot back. Terraform didn't move, a smile playing at her lips.

"You know what? I don't think I'm going to heal you," she decided, turning her back. Fang looked shocked and angry, and he began to prepare a blizzard spell.

"I swear to God, you are going to get a taste of this blizz…" he began.

"No I won't. You see, you hurt me…and you're not getting back up again," Terraform explained. "That's right. I'm your white mage. And Nobody. Fucks. With the white mage."

Director: Cut! Goddammit Refia…just heal him…

**Random encounter take 3:**

The next battle, Luneth was shocked to see that he was facing three enemies. They were al fairly strong, and would take some doing to defeat. He sheathed his sword. There was no use complaining about a situation he couldn't change. He charged at them…

…only to see Desch step out from behind them and fry them all to bits with a thundara spell. He grinned proudly as the monsters fell to the ground dead. Desch glanced at Luneth, only to see the child glaring at him angrily.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"DON'T YOU STEAL MY EXP, BITCH!" Luneth yelled. Desch held up his hands in surrender.

"All right then. I'll never interrupt your battles again," the man promised.

**Random encounter take 4:**

Luneth and the others found themselves in battle against another random enemy. Only this time, the monster didn't seem so random.

The monster was humanoid and possessed a wicked looking sword. It sat on a demonic looking horse that snorted upon sighting the four heroes. It had nothing but horns for hair, and two fangs protruding over its lower lip.

"He…doesn't look like a random monster," Terraform pointed out. The monster grinned wolfishly.

"I am not, mortal. I am Odin…now taste my blade!" it declared, and then it leapt into battle. "Zantetsuken!"

"OH GOD SOMEBODY HELP!"

"HE'S SLICING ME TO BITS HELP!"

"NOT MY HAIR AAAGH!"

"DESCH!"

Desch glanced over at the battle nonchalantly from his position on a nearby log. He considered helping them, but then thought better of it. He returned to the task he was currently occupied with: whittling a figurine out of wood.

"I'm sorry, I can't help you. It's your exp after all," he reminded the dying Luneth. His response was an incredulous scream.

**Viking's Cove:**

The Vikings were sitting around uncharacteristically, feasting and drinking in some cave rather than sailing and pillaging like one would expect typical Vikings to do. Looking for a ship to get them across the water, Luneth had led the group inside to try and bargain with their leader.

"Look, kid, I'd love to help you, but all but one of our ships were destroyed by a sea dragon. And we ain't about ta give you our last one," the Viking leader explained.

"And if we killed that dragon for you?" Kamec suggested. The Viking looked shocked.

"Huh…well I guess you look like capable adventurers…tell you what. If you manage to defeat the dragon, then our best ship, the Enterprise, is yours." He compromised. Smiles crossed the faces of the heroes. Though Terraform's grin was much wider. She stepped forward and took on a heroic pose.

"YES! We will boldly go where no man has gone before!" she announced, gaining the attention of every Viking in the room.

Director: Cut! Goddammit Refia!

"Did you really expect to get away with naming your ship the Enterprise? You should have expected SOMEONE to make a reference," Terraform reasoned.

**Nepto's Temple Take 1:**

The group walked into the massive temple entrance, wondering just what was in store for them. The Sea Dragon, known as the Nepto Dragon, had just been too strong for them to face, so Kamec had come up with the idea of visiting the temple that was constructed in its honor in the hopes of coming up with a way to defeat it.

When they walked inter the entrance room, it struck them as oddly familiar. There was a singular path that headed forward, surrounded by water on either side. At the end of the path was a menacing looking statue with an open mouth.

"For some reason, this seems familiar…" Fang muttered. Terraform suddenly lit up.

"I know! We're in the Chamber of Secrets! Let's go find the Basilisk everyone!" she declared, earning facepalms from everyone in the group. That's when the Nepto Dragon appeared and roared at them.

"AGH! THE BASILISK! RUN!" Terraform screamed and ran the other way. The Nepto dragon stopped roaring and looked indignant.

"DO I LOOK LIKE A SNAKE TO YOU?! I AM DRAGON! REPEAT AFTER…OH WHERE DID THEY GO…" the Nepto dragon protested, but saw that its quarry had long since run away by the time it had finished defending itself.

**Nepto's Temple Take 2: **

The only way to descend further into the temple was to go in through the statue's mouth, which had forced Terraform to shrink them all with her Mini spell.

After a while of traveling through the small cave, they finally chanced upon a larger chamber, where the bones of small animals lay about. Standing in the center of the room was a rat, giant sized since the heroes were all smaller than usual. It saw them and attempted to hide the giant orange orb that it was guarding.

"SQUEEK! Who you be?!" It demanded. The heroes froze. Fang's right eye twitched spasmodically as he stared at the offending rodent.

"It…TALKS?!" Fang exclaimed.

Director: Cut…yes, the rat talks, Arc. Get over it. Oh and rat? You're supposed to actually squeak, not say it.

**Nepto's Temple Take 3:**

The heroes extricated themselves with difficulty out of the mouth of the dragon statue. Heaving a sigh of relief, Terraform finally unshrunk everyone.

"Thank god that's over. I was tired of not being able to do anything," Luneth expressed. He stretched and cracked his joints, causing Terraform to wince at the sound. "You casting types have it easy."

"You're just jealous that I got all the experience," Fang boasted. Luneth shot him a glare.

"Would you please cease your foolishness? I assume this orb we found fits back in the statue. Perhaps it will have some effect on the dragon," Kamec butted in. Luneth muttered under his breath, but did as suggested. Once he placed the eye back in the slot, the room flashed suddenly.

There was a pause, and then the Nepto dragon itself faded into view above them. Terraform abruptly wet herself from shock, while Fang and Kamec drew their weapons and prepared for battle.

"_Thank you, warriors of the light. Your timely repair of my statue has returned me to my senses," _the dragon spoke, its guttural voice reverberating throughout the room.

"Wait, so if I take out this eye, you go insane?" Luneth inquired, a mischievous glint entering his eyes. The dragon nodded solemnly. So the child instantly took the eye back out.

The Nepto dragon roared in anger and was about to attack, but then Luneth put the eye back in.

_"Thank you. Now please refrain from…" _the dragon began, but Luneth took the eye back out again. The dragon roared loudly once more.

"Oh my God that's hilarious!" Luneth exclaimed, and then he began rapidly removing and replacing the eye from its slot, causing the dragon to roar spasmodically, all while Luneth laughed his ass off. Fang and Kamec were trying not to laugh.

"I need to change my panties!" Terraform wailed. That did it. Fang and Kamec were now on the floor laughing.

**The Enterprise Take 1:**

Luneth walked up the gangplank of the fine ship with a grin on his face. Terraform was running around on the deck with girlish glee, taking in every detail.

"Heave!" Kamec shouted, pulling hard on the ropes with several other Vikings that had offered to help them pilot the ship. Fang, surprisingly enough, was working hard on repairing the damage to the rudder of the ship so it could cast off. Desch was there too, gazing over the side of the ship into the sea.

All in all, the ship was bustling with activity. The Viking leader hopped down from the rigging and approached Luneth as he boarded.

"Everything's about ready to cast off, captain!" the Viking declared. Luneth was surprised at being called the captain, but he decided he rather liked the idea.

"Good. Our next destination is the Tower of Owen! Cast off!" Luneth declared. The Vikings let out a cheer because they were happy to be setting sail again after so long of being cooped up in a cave. The gangplank was hoisted and the sails were set. Terraform hopped up to the helm.

"Accelerate to warp speed 5!" she commanded. There was the sound of a record screeching to a halt.

Director: CUT! Refia…I swear on all that is holy…make ONE more Star Trek reference…

**Tokkul:**

Luneth led the group into the town known as Tokkul. He had never heard of the town before, but they were running low on supplies, so anything was better than nothing.

"A quaint little town. Very serene," Kamec observed. As a knight of Sasune accustomed to a fancy lifestyle, he found the change refreshing.

"Looks boring! Do you think they have any clothes for sale?" Terraform asked, sounding like she'd rather be anywhere else. Fang hit her on the shoulder to shut her up. She did not take very well to this. She slapped him back.

"Hey! You just can't hit a girl like that!" she protested. Fang raised an eyebrow.

"You do remember that you used to be a guy, right?" he reminded her. Terraform looked horrified.

"I like to believe that I have transcended such a lowly plane of existence!" she protested vehemently. Fang gazed at her speechless for a second, and then had to turn the other way to hide his laughter.

Back on track, the group moved into the heart of the town to see a livestock pen holding not cows or chickens, but something else entirely.

A familiar theme began playing in the background as the group gazed at a strange yellow creature with an orange beak and feathers. It was like a bird, only bigger.

"So its like…a chicken…and a horse?" Luneth mused, since he had obviously never seen one before.

"Then it could be called a chorse! Or a hicken," Terraform joked, and then yelped and ran the other way as the chocobo broke free of the pen and began chasing her with an evil look in its eyes. A wet spot appeared on her shorts as she promptly wet herself in terror. Again.

Director: Cut…somebody get her a change of clothes.

**The Tower of Owen Take 1:**

The core of the tower, which consisted of a burning pillar of flame that powered each respective sector of the tower that held up the entire continent, lay in front of them. The source of the disturbance was in fact a hooded figure who was standing in front of the core, releasing foul magic from its fingers.

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is my tower, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xande!" the figure roared. The group readied itself for battle.

"Shit! I didn't bring any mirrors," Terraform cut in.

Director: CUT! Petrify isn't something you get by looking at her eyes…

**The Tower of Owen Take 2:**

The core of the tower, which consisted of a burning pillar of flame that powered each respective sector of the tower that held up the entire continent, lay in front of them. The source of the disturbance was in fact a hooded figure who was standing in front of the core, releasing foul magic from its fingers.

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is my tower, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xande!" the figure roared. The group readied itself for battle.

"Oh, that's not even fair!" Fang complained, and then he accidentally looked into her eyes and was instantly stoned.

"EVERYBODY RUN!" Luneth screamed, but was stoned as he accidentally saw Medusa's eyes out of the corner of his own. The entire party was eventually stoned as the group tried to run away.

Director: Cut! Medusa…how? You said petrify could only be inflicted when you attacked them!

"I lied," Medusa gloated.

**The Tower of Owen Take 3:**

The core of the tower, which consisted of a burning pillar of flame that powered each respective sector of the tower that held up the entire continent, lay in front of them. The source of the disturbance was in fact a hooded figure who was standing in front of the core, releasing foul magic from its fingers.

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is my tower, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xande!" the figure roared. The group readied itself for battle.

"You know, there was this one novel I read," Terraform began nonchalantly, stepping in front of the group and closer to Medusa. "In it, the gorgon was really a beautiful woman who chose to make herself ugly since it would save more lives in the long run. Her stone gaze was a curse, and she was really misunderstood and was in fact a…"

Terraform was stoned before she could say another word.

Director: Cut…though I do love that book. Long live Pier Xanthony! Hehe

**The Tower of Owen Take 4:**

The core of the tower, which consisted of a burning pillar of flame that powered each respective sector of the tower that held up the entire continent, lay in front of them. The source of the disturbance was in fact a hooded figure who was standing in front of the core, releasing foul magic from its fingers.

"That's enough!" Desch roared, drawing his sword and facing the figure. "This is the tower responsible for holding up this continent, and I won't have you defiling it!"

Behind Desch stood the warriors of light: Luneth, Arc, Refia, and Ingus. This was it. The battle for the safety of the floating continent.

The figure slowly turned around. The hissing of snakes could be heard, and the group could see red-scaled snakes poking out from the figure's hood.

"That can't be good," Kamec observed grimly. The figure slowly removed its hood to reveal a monstrous visage consisting of red scales and fangs, with red snakes for hair.

"I, Medusa, will demolish this tower in the name of our lord Xana…I mean Xande!"

Director: *hums the Code Lyoko theme song*

**The Tower of Owen Take 5:**

Desch stepped closer to the core of the tower, which was clearly out of balance and volatile, if its raging appearance was anything to go by. Desch had a solemn look on his face, the most serious anyone had ever seen him. Terraform stepped closer to him, a worried look on her face.

"Douche! Don't get so close! The fire, I think it's going to blow up!" she cried. Desch's face turned red and he began to slowly draw his sword. Fang saw the warning signs and dashed to him along with Kamec.

"Hold him back HOLD HIM BACK!" Fang screamed, grabbing one of Desch's arms as the man attempted to murder the young woman. Kamec grabbed his other arm.

"IT'S DESCH GODDAMMIT!"

Director: Refia…why are you so stupid?!

**The Tower of Owen Take 6:**

Desch stepped closer to the core of the tower, which was clearly out of balance and volatile, if its raging appearance was anything to go by. Desch had a solemn look on his face, the most serious anyone had ever seen him. Terraform stepped closer to him, a worried look on her face.

"Desch! Don't get so close! The fire, I think it's going to blow up!" she cried. Desch looked down into the pit where the fire pillar descended as far as he could see.

"I just now remembered. I'm the guardian of this tower. My duty is to protect this continent with my life," Desch revealed, causing everyone emitted gasps of shock, except for Fang.

"Oh, and I just suddenly remembered, I'm the king of fucking Spira!" Fang snapped sarcastically.

Director: JUST GO WITH IT ARC! *vein pulses on forehead*

**The Tower of Owen Take 7:**

Desch put one leg over the side of the pit, grasping on the ladder that led into the very bowels of the tower. His intent was to go inside the tower and fix it from the inside, at the cost of his own life. Luneth stepped forward, shock written on his face.

"Desch, no! You'll die if you go in there! The tower is going to blow, there's nothing we can do about it!" he yelled after his friend. Desch smiled weakly at the boy he had grown to respect over the long trip.

"Don't worry, Luneth. It has always been my destiny…to throw myself into a burning pillar of fire." Desch joked. There was the sound of the Director hitting his head against a wall.

**The Enterprise Redux:**

The heroes awoke on board their ship, surrounded by their Viking crew. They all were gazing at them with varying degrees of worry. Luneth groaned and rose to his feet, looking around him in surprise.

"The enterprise? Did Desch send us here?" Fang asked, standing up as well. The Viking leader shook his head.

"Not exactly. It was the darndest thing. I was just sitting here, and then some guy in a red shirt shows up here talking in a Scottish accent and next thing you know, you guys showed up," the man explained. Terraform gained this bright look on her face. She thrust her fist into the air in victory.

"Yes! We were beamed up by Scotty!" she squealed in glee.

Director: I…I…Kain. Kain Highwind.

The dragoon in question showed up with his spear over his shoulder.

"What? Make it quick, I'm a little busy today," he demanded. Terraform turned pale and quickly dashed off the stage. The director pointed lazily at her. Kain grinned and jumped into the air and disappeared. The faint scream that was heard a second later was all the other muses needed to hear to start chuckling.

**Gutsco the Rogue:**

They had heard much about this man that had stolen the dwarves' treasure, but nothing that they were told could have prepared them for the real thing. Gutsco himself was unlike nothing they had ever seen. It wouldn't even be accurate for the heroes to call him human.

"This treasure is MINE! Mine I tell you!" Gutsco protested, standing in front of his treasure pile protectively. Luneth ignored his treasure and instead stared at Gutsco.

"Question!" Luneth suddenly yelled out. Gutsco blinked, and waited for Luneth to continue. "What the fuck are you? White skin, pointed ears, and wings?! Seriously? Introducing the High Elves everyone! A very subtle way of telling you that the elves are on drugs!"

A vein pulsed on Gutsco's brow, and he began shooting a barrage of arrows at the hapless warrior.

Director: Sigh, try to dehumanize a villain to make him easier for the weak hearted to kill…and what do I get for it? Criticism.

**Battle with Salamander Take 1:**

** Sweat poured **off of Luneth's brow, and every step became harder and harder to take. Lava seeped onto the path from cracks in the walls, or formed streams across it as it traveled to a lower elevation. The Cave of Fire lived up to its name as the most hellish dungeon the heroes had ever been to.

"We're…almost…there…." Kamec gritted out, forcing himself to move despite how overheated he was. He took out his canteen and took a long drink from it.

"I can hear the crystal!" Luneth cried. Sure enough, the rocky ground of the cave soon gave way to the tiling that they all recognized. The Fire Crystal was just ahead, floating above a pedestal. However, Gutsco the Rogue was already there. Flames wreathed around his form.

"Hahah! The power of flame is mine! I have the ultimate power!" he gloated, turning around to face the heroes. "But it's not enough. I won't be satisfied until the warriors of light are defeated. Then I'll seize the power of light from you and become a god!"

"We won't let you!" Terraform declared, and then she cast a quick haste spell on the party.

"Give us some blizzara spells, Fang!" Luneth asked as he readied his sword. Gutsco began to roar, his voice gradually turning into a feral roar of a dragon, and as the heroes watched, his body began to morph. His skin reddened and stretched, eventually forming crimson scales. His face stretched and elongated, forming a long snout and wicked teeth. His torso thickened and produced a tail, while the feathers on his wings fused together to form more reptilian wings.

Standing in front of them was a salamander. However, its eyes…were…a little wide….

"What the fuck?" Terraform asked, rather loudly. "Did all that fire power get you high or something?"

The salamander's response was to open its mouth and emit a stream of flame that nearly burnt Terraform to a crisp. The burnt girl promptly wet herself as she gasped from the pain.

"I…think I deserved that…" she whimpered. Luneth walked over to her and sighed.

"Is wetting yourself going to be like your new catchphrase? God knows I haven't heard you say kamikaze since you transformed," he muttered.

Director: Somebody give her a phoenix down and get on with the battle!

**Battle with Salamander Take 1:**

** Sweat poured **off of Luneth's brow, and every step became harder and harder to take. Lava seeped onto the path from cracks in the walls, or formed streams across it as it traveled to a lower elevation. The Cave of Fire lived up to its name as the most hellish dungeon the heroes had ever been to.

"We're…almost…there…." Kamec gritted out, forcing himself to move despite how overheated he was. He took out his canteen and took a long drink from it.

"I can hear the crystal!" Luneth cried. Sure enough, the rocky ground of the cave soon gave way to the tiling that they all recognized. The Fire Crystal was just ahead, floating above a pedestal. However, Gutsco the Rogue was already there. Flames wreathed around his form.

"Hahah! The power of flame is mine! I have the ultimate power!" he gloated, turning around to face the heroes. "But it's not enough. I won't be satisfied until the warriors of light are defeated. Then I'll seize the power of light from you and become a god!"

That's when the wall to the right of Gutsco shattered and let in an ethereal flame that was so hot it melted the very rock around where it entered. To everyone's surprise, a familiar pink haired individual zoomed in through the fire, with his fist outstretched and covered in intense flame.

"Karyu no….TEKKEN!" the man roared, and slammed his fist into Gutsco's cheek, knocking the rogue clear off his feet and through the wall on the opposite side of the room, knocking him out cold.

"Aw, I thought he'd be stronger than that," the man lamented. However, he didn't get time to mull over it before Terraform lunged across the room and glomped the man to the ground.

"NATSU!" she squealed like a rapid fangirl. Natsu yelped and hit the ground, trying to extricate himself from Terraform.

"Nice punch, but why the hell are you even here?" Fang questioned. Natsu stood up and shook Terraform off, and then dusted himself off.

"Well I heard someone out here was looking for the Salamander, so I sort of...just showed up," he explained.

"I'M the Salamander, you idiot!" Gutsco groaned as he tried to get back up. Natsu kicked him into the lava pit nearby.

"It's not nice to lie, you know," he admonished. Luneth turned around, looking for the director.

"Why has no one screamed cut yet?" he questioned. His question was answered when he spotted the director trying to give himself a concussion on the nearby wall.

**Jobs Part 2:**

The four heroes walked off the set, heading back towards the director's office. After finding the Fire Crystal, they were allowed access to a whole new set of jobs, and they were excited.

"Oh, I just know I'll get the Onion Knight this time!" Luneth squealed. Terraform was busy taking off the White Mage dress, revealing the one-piece swimsuit she had been wearing underneath.

"Uh, why are you wearing a swimsuit?" Kamec asked hesitantly. Terraform looked indignant.

"What, a girl can't think ahead? I wanted to go swimming after the fire scene, so I put it on just beforehand," she explained. "Wait, are you trying to say I don't have the figure for it?!"

"No comment," Kamec wisely replied, but this didn't exactly work. Terraform abruptly cast a Mini spell on Kamec, shrinking him to a fraction of his former size. Terraform picked him up and held onto him while he struggled.

Fang was busy enjoying what was left of his magic power. However, he was the first one into the director's room. The Director was holding ice against his forehead, probably from the near concussion he had inflicted upon himself.

Director: So, you all have new jobs to choose from. I'd like to hear preferences from you all.

"Red Mage!" everyone but Luneth said. The look on the Director's face was so thunderous, that everyone reconsidered.

"Right…um…what are the new jobs exactly?" Fang put in.

Director: Knight, Ranger, Scholar, and Geomancer.

"Well, I'll take the Knight or Geomancer, I guess," Fang finally said. The director nodded and showed Fang pictures of the two classes. The knight looked like he had expected, with silver armor and swords. The Geomancer, however, looked unbelievably stupid. Bright blue clothing with a stupid hat with a white pompom on it. "I change my mind. I want the Knight."

"Well, I'll take anything I guess, accept for Geomancer or Scholar," Terraform expressed. The director nodded, a smile playing at his lips.

"I want something that doesn't suck," said Kamec in a voice that sounded like a chipmunk's. The Director suppressed a laugh and nodded.

"ONION KNIGHT!" Luneth yelled and thrust his fist into the air. The Director glared at him, and then cleared his throat.

Director: In the end, it will be me that decides your jobs, as usual. Luneth, I will be giving you the Onion…

"YES!" Luneth shouted in glee, and ran around the room.

Director: …less Knight.

Luneth, once again, burst into tears and left the room.

Director: Arc, I'll be giving you the ranger. You'll find a decent bow in the armory. I look forward to seeing you in action.

"Huh. It's not what I wanted, but we'll see how it goes," Fang muttered and left the room.

Director: Refia, you get the Scholar.

"FUCK!" Terraform screamed.

Director: Kamec, you will be getting the Geomancer.

Kamec just stared in silence at the stupid hat in the picture.

**The Injured Man:**

The group, clad in new armor and weapons, moved towards the exit to the dwarves' hollows, ready to set sail once again in their trusty ship, the Enterprise. However, they just got to the entrance when someone stumbled in.

The group recognized him as a resident of Tokkul by his clothing, although it was stained red with his own blood.

"To…Tokkul…needs you…warriors…of light," the man managed to get out before he fell to the ground. Luneth ran over to him, but instead of giving him an elixir, he asked him something.

"How did you even get here? Tokkul is halfway across the continent from here, not to mention across an ocean. So how the fuck did you get here in that condition?" Luneth demanded.

"A…wizard did it," the man grunted before he died.

Director: Huh. Guess I didn't really think that one through.

**Hein Take 1:**

Luneth walked into the room, followed by his trusted companions. The long days of captivity would finally be made worth it, by killing the leader and usurper of the Argus throne: Hein.

However, Hein himself was no longer human. There was nothing left of Hein's body except a skeleton, which was wreathed in flickering darkness. He sat in his throne in a relaxed pose, reading a book. He wore a feathered cap over his skull, and wore a multicolored outfit that in Luneth's opinion, made him look ridiculous.

"Ah, the power of darkness. It is a thing of beauty…" Hein began, only for Terraform to cut him off.

"No! If you hadn't noticed, it tore off your skin. And believe me, no girl would ever associate with a man that had no skin. Also, lose the multicolored outfit, get maybe a pair of jeans, oh! Have some holes in it (but not in the knees because that makes you look like a slob) so you look all gung-ho, then wear a black shirt…has to be long or short sleeved, sleeveless would just look stupid on a skeleton. Then you wear a strap like Link from Zelda so you can hide some daggers and hold your sword there, and AGH!" before Terraform could finish, Hein had engulfed her in a burst of dark power.

"Thank you! She was starting to scare me," Fang said gratefully to Hein.

Director: Cut…he's not supposed to be beautiful, he's a fucking tyrant!

**Hein Take 2**:

Luneth walked into the room, followed by his trusted companions. The long days of captivity would finally be made worth it, by killing the leader and usurper of the Argus throne: Hein.

However, Hein himself was no longer human. There was nothing left of Hein's body except a skeleton, which was wreathed in flickering darkness. He sat in his throne in a relaxed pose, reading a book. He wore a feathered cap over his skull, and wore a multicolored outfit that in Luneth's opinion, made him look ridiculous.

"Ah, the power of darkness. It is a thing of beauty, a tapestry of black chaos…" Hein began, but then Garland walked into the room holding something in his arms. As Hein watched with perplexed eyes, Garland unfolded an actual black tapestry with a picture of the god of Chaos on it.

"Here you go, just as you ordered!" Garland declared. Hein slowly let his skull face rest in his hands.

Director: Hein, you ordered something like that?! Oh and cut!

**Hein Take 3**

Fang let loose arrow after arrow at Hein, but the skeleton was faster than he looked. He was easily able to dodge every arrow sent at him. Hein zoomed over to Fang and slammed a bony fist into the ranger's face, knocking him out cold. Luneth roared in range and ran to Hein with his sword and shield, slicing and bashing.

Hein growled in irritation and cast a potent blizzard spell at Luneth, only for the child to roll to the side to avoid it.

"Ice Storm!" Kamec roared, and a huge cloud of freezing air descended on Hein, causing the skeleton to roar in pain. "I'm not done! Magma! Earthquake!"

Kamec's powerful spells slowly forced Hein backwards, burning him and knocking him off his feet, respectively. Despite the stupid hat, the Geomancer was probably the most powerful out of everyone here.

"Refia! Use a Phoenix Down on Arc! We need his fire support!" Luneth roared. Terraform nodded and used the Scholar's augmented item ability to revive Fang. However, Fang was still a bit disoriented, and the first thing he saw was Luneth using a bomb fragment on Hein, lighting him on fire.

"Why is a midget lighting a flamboyant fuck on fire!?" Fang demanded. There was the sound of a record screeching to a halt as everyone began laughing.

Director: Cut! *chuckles* from now on Hein, don't hit Fang in the face. He apparently doesn't take to it well.

"Just because you're taller than Atlas himself doesn't mean I'm a midget!"Luneth snapped.

"Yes it does." Kamec corrected.

"Totally," Terraform agreed.

**The Elder Tree Take 1:**

Hein fell to the ground, finally defeated. Luneth wiped the blood out of his eyes, falling to his knees in fatigue.

"That…that was tough," Terraform moaned. Fang had to agree as he tried to find the other pieces of his shattered bow. Kamec looked no worse for wear, despite how utterly ridiculous he looked in the Geomancer hat.

"_I…" _sounded a voice that seemed to echo from every angle of the room. This quickly gained the attention of the four heroes. "_am the Elder Tree of the Living Woods,"_

"The walls, they speak!" Kamec cried in shock.

"_Hein put a curse on me, so that I would do his bidding," _the voice continued. Terraform grinned suddenly.

"Hey guys! We're in the Deku tree!" she announced. Luneth looked clueless, but Kamec and Fang snorted our their laughter.

**Elder Tree Take 2:**

The Elder Tree was happy to be free of its imprisonment, since it was now free to return to the Living Woods. In fact, disregarding the fact that it had people inside of it, the tree and everyone in it abruptly faded away and reappeared in the Living Woods.

Luneth and the others stood just in front of the tree itself, while the citizens of Argus expressed their shock just nearby.

Three fairies floated in the air in front of the tree, obviously being the inhabitants of this forest. However, Terraform was still not past the fact that they had been inside a tree.

"NAVI!" Terraform yelled in glee, causing the fairies to facepalm.

**Elder Tree Take 3**:

The Elder Tree was happy to be free of its imprisonment, since it was now free to return to the Living Woods. In fact, disregarding the fact that it had people inside of it, the tree and everyone in it abruptly faded away and reappeared in the Living Woods.

Luneth and the others stood just in front of the tree itself, while the citizens of Argus expressed their shock just nearby.

Three fairies floated in the air in front of the tree, obviously being the inhabitants of this forest.

"Take this, brave warriors. I have no doubt it will serve you well on your journey," the first fairy said, handing Luneth a fang imbued with the power of the wind.

"Why thank you, Tinkerbell!" Luneth joked, grinning. The fairy's right eye twitched angrily, and then she swooped up and bitchslapped Luneth so hard that he flew all the way to the other side of the clearing.

**The Water Temple:**

"It should be just up here," Aria, the priestess of the water, told Luneth. She led the group through the narrow path through the mountains.

"What is this temple all about anyway?" Terraform questioned, following close behind Aria.

"It is where we priestesses have worshipped the Water Crystal since the beginning of time. In hopes that one day warriors like you would come, we sealed the Crystal's power here," Aria explained.

"Ah, a place of worship," Kamec clarified for Terraform. Aria went silent then, leading the group into the temple.

The first thing everyone saw was a large chamber filled with water, with a central pillar housing several rooms. For Fang, Kamec, and Terraform…it was all too familiar.

"Oh no…no no no no NO!" Terraform screamed and ran out. Kamec immediately started crying in sheer despair.

"Damn it to hell I wasted weeks of my life in this goddamn dungeon!" Fang cursed loudly and slammed his fist into the wall.

For laid out in front of them was the Water Temple from the Legend of Zelda in all of its impossible glory.

**The Cave of Tides take 1:**

Now that Aria had grabbed the shard of the crystal, where all of its light was stored, the group was now on its way to the Cave of Tides, where the actual Crystal was sealed.

When the cave came into sight, the entire group was shocked to see a massive blitzball stadium, with a game already in progress. It was Tidus and his team versus an unnamed team that looked like they weren't doing so well.

As the astonished group watched, Tidus executed a skilled maneuver that not only took out the two members of the opposing team that were blocking him, but it also shot the blitzball across the field and into the goal.

"Aw yeah! I can do the Jecht Shot too! Suck it, old man!" Tidus yelled in triumph.

Director: Goddammit I said Cave of _Tides, _not Cave of Tidus!

"Your fault for naming me after a force of nature," Tidus said nonchalantly, shrugging and going back to the game.

**The Cave of Tides take 2: **

Aria was kneeling down at the foot of the darkened Water Crystal, praying with all of her might. As the heroes watched, the shard of crystal that she had brought began to float, before welding itself back into the crystal. The light began to return to the crystal.

"It's working!" Terraform exclaimed.

"Good work, miss Aria," Kamec complimented her, but she made no answer. She appeared to be concentrating hard.

"It's done. You can extract the light from the crystal now," Aria began. Luneth began to walk towards the crystal to do that, but then Aria saw something nearby. She shoved Luneth away.

"Watch out!" she screamed. A tentacle came out of the water, just as Biggs screamed in the background.

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!" The Kraken came out of the water as it had been told in the script.

Director: Biggs! This was going well until you opened your mouth.

"Sorry, I just couldn't help it. You can't add a Kraken to a game and NOT expect someone to make that reference," Biggs defended himself, though he didn't sound very sorry at all.

**The Cave of Tides take 3:**

Luneth ducked under a tentacle, and then leapt above another. There were so many tentacles coming at the heroes, that it was nearly impossible to get an attack in.

"Ice Pillar!" Kamec roared, summoning several razor sharp pillars of ice and slamming them into the Kraken, causing it to screech in pain. "Magma! Whirlpool!"

Fang felt like Legolas at the moment, using his mad ranger skills to fire two or three arrows at a time until they impacted with the Kraken's body. Terraform stood behind him, using her augmented item power to heal the party whenever she could.

Then, in the middle of the battle, a massive projectile collided with the Kraken's body, and a colossal explosion ensued. The light emitted by the explosion was so bright, that the heroes were forced to shield their eyes.

A mushroom cloud formed just above the point of impact, similar to that of a nuclear explosion.

When the smoke cleared, there was nothing left of the Kraken except for a blackened outline where it used to be. With wide eyes, the group turned to see Aria twirling a M-920 Cain around her arm.

"It looks like someone forgot the Golden Rule of Final Fantasy," Aria stated in a confident voice. "Don't. Fuck. With Aria."

Director: *groans*

**The Cenchos**:

The group of heroes were walking through the sewers of the kingdom of Saronia, looking for anything that might serve them as useful. Ever since the retrieval of the Water Crystal, the group had gained much power. Fang had become a powerful Dark Knight, wielding dual Ashura blades and using his own blood to power them. Terraform had chosen to go the route of the Bard, using her beautiful singing voice coupled with a magical harp to bestow buffs on her allies and debuffs on her enemies. Luneth and Kamec had stayed the same. Luneth preferred to be a defensive wall, while Kamec was too in love with the insane power of the Geomancer.

They were shocked when blue tentacles erupted from the water and assaulted them. A monster very similar to one they had already seen emerged.

"Um, excuse me. Why does that thing look like the Kraken, only blue?" Luneth pointed out.

"Yeah, good point. Oi! Blue thing! What are you?" Fang shouted at it. The monster stopped for a moment.

"_Oh yeah, I AM the Kraken. Only I dyed myself a new color? How do you like it?" _the Kraken revealed, and then it attacked them anew. "_I'm blue daba dee daba die…"_

"I love that song!" Terraform cried, and then was nailed by a tentacle. "OOMPH!"

**The Nautilus:**

After saving the Kingdom of Saronia from the evil fiend Garuda, their most skilled engineers had taken the parts from the Enterprise and used them to construct a brand new, faster airship, called the Nautilus. With its speed, it was now fast enough to penetrate the winds protecting the Dalg continent.

Once there, the group had learned of the legend of Noah, the man who had bestowed the powers of Magic, Dreams, and Mortality to his students Doga, Unei, and Xande, respectively.

The group met Doga there, who had blessed their airship and gave it the ability to travel underwater.

"All right everyone! Inside the ship, we're about to go under!" Luneth called. Kamec nodded and rushed back inside the ship as they lost altitude. Terraform was standing at the window, wanting the see the second they submerged.

The airship hit the water gracefully, and the surface rose to envelop them in its watery embrace. As they went deeper, Kamec gained a mischievous look on his face.

"It looks like we just went…" he began, and then he pulled out a set of sunglasses from nowhere and put them on. "20,000 leagues under the sea."

Director: YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I mean cut.

**Battle with Hecatoncheir:**

The group pressed deeper into the temple, looking for the legendary Noah's Lute. With it, they would be able to awaken Unei, the master of dreams.

As they entered the Lute's chamber, they drew their weapons.

"Stay alert. I have no doubt that the Lute will be guarded," Kamec warned. They walked closer to the Lute, and then it happened.

A massive machine broke through the opposite wall and blocked their path. It was an odd looking machine, but everyone could tell that it possessed two massive Gatling guns, as well as many other armaments covering it. This would be a hard fight.

"Hiya everyone!" That's when a small girl poked her head over the top of the machine. She had reddish hair with long pigtails, and wore pink clothes with many different beads and ornaments covering them. She giggled softly and brushed a strand of hair away from her eye. "I heard you were looking for Hecaton?"

Director: Vanille…uh…uggh…

"You all right, director?" Vanille questioned, worried.

Director: Yes…just an aneurism. Nothing to worry about.

That's when the authoress herself inserted herself into the scene for the sole purpose of glomping the ever-loving crap out of Vanille. Kerrigor latched her arms around the cute girl and bore her to the ground, where she began to pet Vanille's hair like a cat.

Kerrigor: My Vanille. *hisses*

**Leviathan Take 1:**

The heroes walked into the large underground chamber. Leviathan could be clearly seen swimming through the subterranean lake, awaiting for the one who would dare to challenge it.

"This will be hard fight everyone," Luneth warned. He drew his sword. However, he was shocked to see that Fang wasn't moving. "Arc, draw your dark swords. We need them here."

"No you don't. Check this out!" Fang pulled out a toaster oven from nowhere, plugged it in to a wall outlet that was conveniently placed there for the purpose of this blooper, and turned on the toaster. Then he threw it into the lake.

"5…4…3…2…1…," Fang counted down. When he finished counting, Leviathan floated to the surface of the lake, twitching spasmodically from the current of electricity that was passing through it. "Aaand victory is mine."

"There's no way that just happened," Luneth muttered.

**Leviathan Take 2:**

Leviathan hissed and lunged forward, its jaws gaping open and ready to seize around Fang's middle. However, Terraform, who was now a Sage thanks to the power of the Earth Crystal, blasted the serpent with a thundaga, giving Fang enough time to cut his hand and hold his dark blade, unleashing a powerful soul eater attack. Leviathan roared in pain, and then sent a powerful wave of water cascading over the battlefield.

Kamec, who was now a Black Belt, leapt above the water and rained kicks and punches upon Leviathan's head. Leviathan snapped at him, managing to hook his boot. Kamec cried out as he was sent across the cavern. Luneth managed to catch him, setting him aside before he used his new power as a Summoner to bring Ramuh, the Sage of Lightning, to the field.

Ramuh was there long enough to sent a colossal bolt of lightning on Leviathan, which served to anger the serpent more.

Fang hefted both of his dark swords, which were both covered in enough of his blood to deal significant damage, and then he leapt from the opposite side of the lake. Time seemed to slow down as Fang brought his swords up and traveled through the air over the surface of the lake. Leviathan turned to face him slowly, but wouldn't have enough time to react. That's when something erupted out of the water underneath Fang.

"DROWN!" Cagnazzo, the Archfiend of Water, grabbed Fang by the legs and dragged him below the water.

Luneth, Kamec, Terraform, and Leviathan stared at the now calm water with perfect "What the fuck" faces on.

Director: …what?

**Cloud of Darkness Take 1:**

Out of the black portal that led to the World of Darkness came three shining orbs. They didn't look like much, but Luneth could sense unbelievable power coming from them.

"What…are those?" Kamec asked in an awed tone. The orbs drew closer, floating over the dead body of Xande, the misguided wizard that had nearly caused the death of the entire world.

"_We are the Cloud of Darkness," _sounded an otherworldly voice that sounded like a small girl, a young woman, and a wise woman speaking simultaneously. "_we have come to return the world to the Void,"_

"HOLY SHIT WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY SHINY BALLS OF LIGHT!" Luneth screamed, and began running around screaming like a little girl.

**Cloud of Darkness Take 2:**

Out of the black portal that led to the World of Darkness came three shining orbs. They didn't look like much, but Luneth could sense unbelievable power coming from them.

"What…are those?" Kamec asked in an awed tone. The orbs drew closer, floating over the dead body of Xande, the misguided wizard that had nearly caused the death of the entire world.

"_We are the Cloud of Darkness," _sounded an otherworldly voice that sounded like a small girl, a young woman, and a wise woman speaking simultaneously. "_we have come to return the world to the Void."_

"The…the Cloud! It's already here? We're too late!" Kamec shouted in horror. The orbs slowly merged together and a dark hole began to form in the center of the larger orb. As they watched, a massive, emerald green woman emerged from the newly formed portal. Accompanying her were several tentacles that had mouths and eyes as well. There was so much power emanating from her, that Luneth fell to his knees, while Terraform wet her pants in horror.

"_We shall engulf everything in our shadow," _The Cloud spoke, raising its arms into the air and forming two orbs of shimmering blue and black light in its palms. "_Both Light and Darkness shall return to the Void…"_

All of a sudden, Cecil, in paladin form, ran out and immediately began assaulting the Cloud.

"That's MY thing! DON'T YOU STEAL IT!" Cecil screamed insanely, slashing at the Cloud of Darkness with seemingly no care for his own life. A tentacle zoomed forward and wrapped around Cecil's torso, binding his arms to his side. The Cloud lifted Cecil to eye level, gazing into the paladin's frightened eyes.

"_Even your catchphrase shall return to the Void. Exdeath agrees with me, right Exdeath?" _the Cloud responded. Exdeath hopped out of the dark portal along with her.

"All shall return to the Void!" Was all Exdeath said. The Cloud gave him an askance look.

"_…Exdeath says yes."_

**The Final Battle:**

Luneth and the warriors of light stood before the Cloud of Darkness. The Warriors of the Dark had weakened her, so this was their only chance to defeat her before she regained her impossible strength. This was it. The final battle. The one final clash that would decide the fate of the world.

Luneth began to glow, and in a flash of light, he reappeared in the guise of the Onion Knight. He drew Excalibur, the strongest sword in the game, and held it before him.

"Cloud of Darkness! This is the end for you! This is the day that the world will remember that eternal peace began! We will bring it with our own hands, here and now!" Luneth uttered heroically. The Cloud viewed him with amusement.

_"Even if you manage to win, children, you will merely be delaying the inevitable. We cannot be destroyed. We shall return, whenever there is an unbalance between the light and the darkness," _the Cloud responded, unfazed by the onion knight's threats.

"That doesn't matter! As long as hope exists, we will defeat you time and time again!" Luneth roared. Then, with one massive battle cry, the warriors of light attacked. Luneth leapt from his perch and zoomed towards the Cloud of Darkness…only to be knocked aside by a tentacle like he was nothing. The onion collided with the wall and was downed.

"_Have a taste of my particle beam!" _The Cloud declared, and she pointed a finger at the group. A large orb of blue and black light formed at the tip of her finger, and then it erupted forth in a super powerful beam of destructive light.

"Yeah? How do you like my reflect spell?!" Terraform declared, casting it on herself as the beam reached her. The particle beam collided with the barrier and was reflected back towards the Cloud of Darkness…who promptly redirected it back by hitting it with a tentacle.

"What kind of Legend of Zelda bullshit is this?!" Terraform protested before the particle beam hit her. The resulting explosion downed her in an instant.

This whole time, Kamec had been using the Black Belt's ability to boost his own physical power by focusing his body's energy. It was now at its peak, and his entire body glowed with orange light.

"It is I, Ingus! And I am here to," Kamec paused to take in an obnoxiously loud breath through the nose. "SAAAAAAAAAVE THE WOOOOOORLD!"

Kamec zoomed forward with his focused power and thrust his fist forward. All of his energy focused around that one fist. However, when he reached the Cloud of Darkness, his fist collided with a solid circle of purple light, which he instantly recognized.

"Wrath Particle Beam? But…this…is…FUUUUUUUU…" Kamec realized his own folly as he was fried by the Cloud's counterattack. Downed, Kamec hit the ground. And then a wild rose flew in from off-screen and hit him in the head.

"IDIOT!" Firion roared from off-screen. Fang, now the only one standing, began charging up a soul eater, but then he realized that the Cloud was pointing a finger at him. A massive orb of black and purple light was growing there.

"Uh…can someone tell me what's she's doing?" Fang asked timidly. Terraform raised her head slowly, barely alive.

"It's…the 0-form…particle beam…" she managed to get out before passing out. Fang gulped and looked at the Cloud.

"Weeell fu…" Fang managed to say before the 0-form particle beam completely annihilated him.

Director: Cut…I think you guys needed to have grinded some more.

The muses left the screening lobby, all three of them completely wiped out from the day's events.

"I'm so glad it's over!" Terraform moaned. "It was torture!

"I agree," Fang grunted. Kamec seemed to be in a happy mood, which was surprising, considering how badly they had screwed up in the screening room.

"Why are you so happy?" Terraform questioned.

"No matter what happens, nothing can be worse than…than…" Kamec began whimpering and shivering up a storm.

"Jenova?" Fang provided helpfully, causing Kamec to shriek aloud and start crying.

"Yo!" called a voice from around the corner. The muses looked to see Terry Leon approaching them. The muses stopped and looked around for the Evanna's and were shocked beyond words when they didn't see them with her.

"Assistant Director? Is there something you want?" Fang demanded. Finding Terry out of his room and not having sex surely had to be a miracle. Terry nodded.

"Just wanted to let you know about the huge race and blitzball match tomorrow," Terry replied. "It's a relatively new development, as we only got the invitation yesterday. It'll take some time to get the set for Final Fantasy IV ready, so the Director thought we all could take some time off."

"Wait, so we're going somewhere?" Terraform interrupted, looking shocked. "I thought we came here to stay for a while?"

"You did. Trust me. But we're heading to Luca for a little fun, that's all. We can tell you more about it tomorrow, when we're getting ready to leave. Suffice to say, pack up your stuff tonight." Terry clarified. The muses nodded. Terry went to leave, but Kamec stopped him.

"Did…Jenova…do anything to you?" Kamec whispered, turning pale just by mentioning her name. Terry looked confused.

"What are you talking about? Jenova is amazing! She can fulfill my every fetish! She can turn into anthropomorphic cats…she…" Terry began, but Kamec cut him off.

"Umm…I get the picture," Kamec muttered before following after his friends, who were already leaving. "Oh so I'm special, Jenova is nice to everyone, but decides to tentacle rape me…ooh I feel so good about my self right now…fuck my life."

"Good news is, we'll be able to sit back and let OTHER people do the fucking up from now on," Fang said to Terraform. "Oh, there you are, Kamec. What took you so long?"

"Had a question for Terry. I'm good now," Kamec replied tersely.

Once the group was back in their room, they immediately began packing everything back in their suitcases to get ready for the trip that they knew nothing about that was happening tomorrow.

Terraform was done first, and she hopped into her own separate bed and stripped down to her underwear…while under the blankets. When Kamec and Fang were done, they got in their own beds and turned off the lights, engulfing everyone in darkness.

"Hey, Terraform?" Kamec spoke up hesitantly. There was the sound of Terraform shifting in her bed.

"Mhm?" She murmured in a sexy tired voice.

"Is…it gay if I said…" Kamec began but Terraform didn't let him finish.

"Try it and I will shove a brick so far up your ass you will be spitting out clay for a year." She snapped. Kamec shuddered and went silent.

"Good night," Kamec said instead.

"Nighty-night!" Terraform replied sweetly.

"Man, I think I liked the male Terraform better. He was much less of a little bitch," Fang grumbled. There was a thud, and then Fang could be heard expressing his pain.

"SHUT IT AND GO TO SLEEP!" Terraform screeched.

* * *

><p>OH MY FUCKING GOD. Nearly 30000 words in this single chapter. I didn't think it would be so long! This is probably the longest I've ever written in my life. Sorry it took so long to get here, but you can understand why, can't you? This is 75 pages in Microsoft word.<p>

Anyhow, hope you liked this. Next chapter will be a transition chapter between III and IV, where the Final Fantasy characters travel on the FFIII airships to Luca and play blitzball against each other. It will be so much fun! Review if you please!

Ciao,  
>Kerrigor<p> 


	5. Blitzball Tournament

How did you like that last chapter? As long as that one was, expect the rest to be longer. Final Fantasy III is nothing in comparison to the games like Final Fantasy VII and VIII. Besides, I happen to like those games much better than the earlier ones, though Final Fantasy IV and II will always have special places in my heart. IV was the first one I've played, and I fucking love Cecil. I just want to take him home with me; he's just so adorable.

Cecil: Should…should I be flattered? Or scared?

…yes. On the other hand, we have the Emperor. He is probably one of my favorite villains because of what he did. He has the balls to make a deal with the devil, and nearly takes over the world, if it weren't for Firion. So then, he decides to go back on his deal with the devil, MURDER the devil, and take his place. Who, in video game history, can claim to have done the same? Maybe people have after him, but he was the first!

Emperor Mateus: As much as I enjoy praise directed towards Me, I do believe that there are other matters to attend to, correct?

So uptight! Crack a joke! I mean, come on! I'm pretty sure you got a blowjob in the third chapter, so yeah…lighten up. Anyhow, back on track.

This chapter will be a sort of transition between III and IV, since you've already seen some IV craziness. Pretty much, I let my muses pick five or six characters to form a party for this chapter, and it will be the first one where they are not all in the same room.

Fang: Aha, yes! That means I won't have to sit in the room with a failing Kamec…

Kamec: Hey! Not co…

Fang: …or a menstruating Terraform from now on.

Terraform: What the…I AM NOT!

Point being, this will be a little interesting to write. More interactions with all the characters. And this is a long author's note. So let's get started then?

* * *

><p>Kamec woke first, his eyes opening slowly. A smile crossed his face when he realized just how much better he was feeling today compared to the last two days. He sat up in bed and looked around. Fang was still fast asleep, but Terraform's bed was empty. In fact, there was no sign of the gender-swapped muse.<p>

Confused, Kamec hopped up out of bed and began tossing random articles of clothing around out of his suitcase so he could find something to wear.

"Fang, you up?" Kamec whispered. The response was a sleepy groan, and then Kamec was abruptly smacked in the face by a thrown shoe. "Ow…geez dude."

Kamec threw something on and began looking around for Terraform. He checked the bathroom to find it empty. This search only led to convince Kamec that Terraform was not in the room. With that in mind, Kamec headed for the door.

"Well, this sucks," Kamec muttered. "Now I have to go searching for him."

The second Kamec finished talking, the door slammed open, catching him in the face and knocking him aside. In strode Terraform, who was holding a large box full of clothes; and Terra Branford, who was holding a white box with rounded edges. Terraform was talking quite loudly, so Fang was up in no time.

"Damn it to hell…I was having a nice sleep there," Fang muttered, getting up. He was shirtless, which of course causes Terra to scream in embarrassment and turn the other way. Terraform noted the scream and immediately turned in rage to Fang. The enraged muse picked up a nearby lamp and began beating the crap out of Fang before he had even finished waking up.

"PUT A FUCKING SHIRT ON THERE ARE GIRLS IN THE ROOM!" Terraform raged. Fang just grunted in minor pain before he finally woke up. He grabbed the lamp when Terraform made to hit him again, and snapped it in half.

"Wow, dude, calm your shit. And wait, who the hell is that?" Fang questioned, indicating Terra, who was still not looking back. Terraform reached into Fang's suitcase and threw a set of shirts at him. Fang grabbed one and grudgingly put it on.

"That's Terra, a good friend of mine. She's very delicate, so watch your mouth!" she warned, but Kamec hadn't seem to have heard.

Terra yelped as Kamec sidled up to her and snaked an arm around her waist. He attempted to wear a gallant expression as he gazed at her.

"What is a girl like you doing in a place like this? Perhaps I should escort you to someplace more…comfortable?" Kamec began. Terra turned a dark red, but it wasn't out of embarrassment this time. Kamec noticed too late that her body was starting to heat up rapidly.

"GET AWAY!" Terra screamed, shutting her eyes. Her body erupted into intense flames, exploding outwards. Kamec shrieked as he was burned and propelled out of the room and into the room on the opposite side of the hallway. Which was not Jenova's room, for your information.

The moment, Kamec's body pierced through the door, a literal tidal wave of water erupted out of the room and swept Kamec down the hallway, where he collided with Lightning, who was just emerging from her room.

"Ow, what even…Lightning!" Kamec squealed in sheer fanboy glee. Lightning just gave him this thunderous (LOL) glare and instantly blasted him back towards the muses' room with a powerful aero spell. "I'm not even mad! I just got blown by Lightning! Hehe…"

Before Kamec could even finish his bad joke, he was caught by the denizen of the room that had had all the water in it. It was Cagnazzo, the Archfiend of Water.

"_I was not finished slumbering, you irritating insect!" _the fiend hissed and dragged him into his room. Kamec yelped once before he was lost from sight.

Fang watched the chain reaction caused by Terra's outburst, and then spent a few moments laughing at his fellow muse's fate.

"I'm so sorry, Terra! I didn't realize how desperate Kamec was for female attention, I really didn't!" Terraform apologized profusely to her female friend. Terra nodded tearfully. After Fang finished laughing, he then turned his gaze on Terra.

"You know, I'm honestly surprised that there is a girl here who isn't a complete slut," Fang admitted. "Terra, you have my respect."

"Great, she'll put it in a box somewhere. Now, maybe I can do what I came to do?" Terraform snapped. Terra nodded and the two girls wandered into the bathroom and shut the door. There was the click of a lock. "All right, Terra, can I see the foundation first?"

Fang was left alone in the room. He shrugged and finished getting dressed from the clothes in his suitcase, and then he ventured outside. He walked over the soaking wet carpet and peered into Cagnazzo's room. Fang, to his surprise, also saw Ultimecia there along with Cagnazzo. Once he saw Kamec, he realized why. The muse was being tortured. With water. Cagnazzo was producing a high pressure waterfall out of nowhere just above Kamec's head, while Ultimecia was speeding up time in the vicinity of Kyle's forehead. So a waterfall was hitting him for over thousands of years while the muse only experienced a few seconds. Fang gave a chuckle towards that. Cagnazzo was definitely a clever one.

Fang proceeded down the hallway as the hotel began to come to life. He didn't even bat an eye as Cloud burst his door open and then proceeded to kick Sephiroth's down, only to run away screaming when he saw that Jenova was in there as well as the silver-haired metro-sexual. He didn't even blink when Luneth screamed past him, with the Cloud of Darkness in hot pursuit. Fang sidestepped like a boss to let Golbez pass by, the man's armor taking up nearly the entire hallway.

However, he stopped in his tracks when the hotel room in front of him opened to reveal Emperor Mateus, who was fully dressed and armed with his bladed staff of choice. The Emperor spotted him and met Fang's gaze, his eyes narrowing. The two began an epic stare down of epicness.

"You aren't bowing," the Emperor stated coldly, his lips curving ever so slightly into a frown.

"Maybe I didn't get through to you the last time we spoke?" Fang shot back calmly, not moving a single muscle. "I bow…to no one."

"Is that so?" the Emperor replied coolly. His clawed hand slowly rose into a familiar pose: the one he used when he electrocuted both the director and Fang earlier. A glowing rune appeared on the ground under Fang. The muse tensed, but didn't back down. "Perhaps you would like to rephrase that statement?"

"I don't think so," Fang snapped, and actually took a step forward. The Emperor's frown grew deeper, and he made as if to ignite the lightning rune, but then seemed to decide otherwise. The Emperor actually smiled ever so slightly.

"Intriguing. You have more courage than I gave you credit for," he observed. "Perhaps you will be of use to me yet."

With the Emperor removed the rune from the ground and glided away. Fang waited until the Emperor was completely out of sight before letting out the massive breath he had been holding in.

"Son of a bitch, that guy is scary," he muttered. "Still, I wonder why he didn't hurt me anyway?"

Fang began to walk down the stairs towards the ground level. However, as soon as he descended the first step, he walked right into a Dreary Cell. He shouted out his shock as translucent blue-black orbs surrounded him and then exploded with a powerful force.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Fang screamed. The mocking laughter of the Emperor could be heard from a floor below.

"Of all the useless…" and irritated voice spoke, and then Fang felt an armored hand snatch him out of the explosion. Garland stood behind him, holding him up by the shirt, which was saying something considering Fang's height.

"I…don't remember you being this tall," Fang grunted. Garland threw Fang to the floor. The muse grunted in pain, but he took comfort in the fact that it was not nearly as much pain as the Emperor's traps. Garland glared down at him through his helmet, dragging his multiform sword behind him.

"You do remember that I am also Chaos, do you not?" the fallen knight reminded. Fang blinked, confused, and then he remembered the final boss of Final Fantasy I.

"Well, shit." The muse uttered softly, earning a snort of amusement from Garland. The knight then kicked the muse, so that Fang leapt to his feet.

"All right, I'm going! Where are we going anyway?" Fang questioned. Garland just grunted and made as if to shove the muse down the stairs. "Dude, calm! I'm going!"

Halfway down the stairs, Fang became aware of a familiar voice screaming at the top of his lungs. A figure plummeted down the center of the staircase. It was Kamec. Following the screaming muse was a torrent of water. Fang's head followed the muse downwards until he was out of sight, and then he kept walking as if nothing had happened.

* * *

><p>Fang and Garland walked out of the hotel and into the massive grassy area just nearby. Fang was astonished to see not only a crowd consisting of most of the Final Fantasy cast, but also the three huge airships floating not far above them. There were other airships around them, but none as large as the three he first spotted.<p>

The first one was medium sized, and looked almost exactly like an eighteenth century galleon, save for the multitudes of propellers holding it up. Fang nodded appreciatively at it, while a drenched Kamec crawled his way up to Fang.

The second was small compared to the first, but it was oddly shaped. Streamlined and equipped with aquatic looking fins, the airship looked almost like a whale of some sort. It was colored a dim yellow, which looked odd, but unique to Fang. He actually rather liked it.

The third was massive, dwarfing the others in size. Outfitted with a steel tipped prow and rocket engines, the ship looked out of place in the hotel – nay the world.

Director: Gather around everyone! Where is Sephiroth? I swear if he's fighting with Cloud again…

The director stood at the front of the crowd, accompanied by Terry, the assistant director. The ones Fang could see were Firion, Leila, Maria, Hilda, and Guy from behind, but he was sure he could see the hulking form of Rubicante towering over them.

Garland pushed past Firion and Rubicante, earning scoffs and death glares from them, and moved to the front. Fang followed in his wake, while Firion just trampled Kamec.

"Garland! Good, I was just about to send Maximillian after you, and boy, he did not want to," Terry called to the knight, who ignored him. Maximillian the Red wizard, however, responded readily enough.

"Well MAYBE that's because, I don't know, he's a freaking PSYCHO?!" Maximillian complained back. Terry ignored him and moved to admonishing another misbehaver.

"This is nuts," Fang sighed, looking around for any sign of his fellow muses. Firion was now stomping on Kamec for some reason, and Terraform was nowhere to be seen. Why were his friends so unreliable…?

"I agree, friend," sounded Cecil's voice. Fang turned to see the main character of Final Fantasy IV, in his paladin form, standing next to him.

That's when the crowd split in two almost immediately to incorporate the coming of a very important individual. Kain Highwind strode down the newly opened aisle, dressed in his usual violet dragoon armor, and his godly spear resting on his shoulder.

"I bid you good morn, Cecil," Kain called. The paladin visibly sweated, but made sure to return the greeting to the god among mortals.

Director: Quiet down everyone! Now for the role call. Final Fantasy I?

"As always, I am prompt," the Warrior of Light declared in an extremely formal tone.

"Maximillian…and friends," Maximillian called, only for Ninja and Samurai to clamor that they hadn't gotten a chance to speak.

"I, Garland, am always on time!" Garland roared out his presence. The variation of his catchphrase caused Fang to snicker quietly behind the knight.

"Final Fantasy II, sound out!" Terry Leon called next. Guy was about to speak up when Firion bopped him on the head with a hammer and attempted to call out first. However, he accidentally stepped into a lightning rune cast by the Emperor.

"My reign is absolute!" The Emperor spoke, his voice projecting to the assistant director. Firion, when he was finished being electrocuted, called his name out weakly.

"Leila, Pirate Queen of the Seas, makes her presence known!" Leila called out proudly. All of a sudden, Maximillian began singing the One Piece theme loudly. The second Leila's presence was acknowledged, she sprinted over to Maximillian, clamped an arm around him, and joined in the song raucously.

"Maria, Guy, and Leon are all here," Cid the Engineer called out, frustrating the people in question since they didn't get to speak. "Also, Cid's here. You know, the Engineer?"

"Shut up, dumbass. Everyone knows I'M the best Cid! Welcome the ultimate badass, CID HIGHWIND!" Cid Highwind cut across the first Cid, rather obnoxiously. No one cheered.

However, when Kain clapped his hands once, the entire crowd began clapping frantically, while Cid just absorbed it all in.

Director: That's enough…Final Fantasy III?

"Luneth! Oh yeah, the Onion Knight is he…GAH!" Luneth began, only to be yanked off his feet by a toothed tentacle and smashed into the ground. The Cloud of Darkness emerged from the crowd and made her presence known by shooting a particle beam into the air.

"The name is Princess Sara II, and this is Douche…AHEM I mean Desch." The princess introduced. Desch, who stood behind her, turned an angry shade of red.

"I swear to God, woman," he growled.

"Now for all you stragglers that showed up. And by that I mean the Final Fantasy VII and up characters that showed up long before they should have," Terry interjected.

Rikku, Tifa, Laguna, Aerith, Edge, Sephiroth, and the four fiends of Final Fantasy IV made themselves known. Terra and Terraform chose that moment to rush out of the hotel and join the crowd. And then everyone else who hadn't had his or her names called cried out in annoyance.

Director: Right, so that's everyone. So, like Terry should have all told you yesterday, we were invited to Luca to participate in a blitzball tournament.

"AW YEAH!" screamed Tidus from the midst of the crowd somewhere.

Director: So I will be splitting you all into groups and dividing you among the different airships. Am I understood?

"Let me guess," Fang muttered. "It's going to be me, Terraform, and Kamec together again with two people that hate us, right?"

The Director completely ignored Fang's complaint and instead began flipping through his lists. When he found the page he was looking for, he stopped and began reading names out aloud.

Director: For the first airship, the Enterprise, there will be six people that I will pick randomly from this list, along with a generic skeleton crew to get the thing moving. Understood?

When there was no objections, the Director ripped up the list and dropped it in a hat that randomly appeared out of nowhere for the purpose of the plot. When he drew the first name out, he nodded.

Director: The first name is Tifa! Who would have guessed a straggler would be picked first?

Tifa, who was busy being ignored by Cloud and Zack in favor of Aerith, shrugged and began climbing up the rope ladder to the Enterprise. Fang half expected Terraform to scream something fanboyish, but then remembered that he was a girl now.

Director: The next name is…huh. Another straggler. Rikku, you're on the Enterprise too.

Rikku gained this mischievous look in her eye as she gazed at Tifa, who was staring down at the crowd with an indifferent look on her face. The Al Bhed happily skipped over to the rope ladder and climbed it with amazing speed, joining Tifa on deck.

"Psst…hey…director. Can I go on board with her too?" Tidus whispered to the director, who was doing his best to ignore him. Terraform, who was next to him, glanced over at the blonde with an amused look on her face.

"Um…I thought you were 'with' Yuna?" she questioned suspiciously. "What about her?"

"What _about _her?" Tidus snapped back at her. Terraform raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything more.

Director: Seems that I'm drawing nothing but stragglers so far. Looks like Rydia is going on board next.

"Rydia? When did she get here?" Cecil exclaimed in shock. The small, green haired child summoner pushed her way out of the crowd and giggled nervously as she headed for the rope ladder.

"What? A kid? No! It might not…be appropriate for children up here," Rikku protested vehemently. The Director was taken aback by her protests, but Rydia kept walking.

"Don't worry, I won't be a kid for long," Rydia reasoned. The crowd's reaction was to stare at her with blank looks.

"…what." Kamec stated. He had finally extricated himself from Firion's murderous stomping and was now next to Fang once again.

"Ultimecia?" Rydia chirped innocently. The evil sorceress from the future suddenly appeared next to her, no doubt using her ability with time to get here so fast.

"I understand. _Time!" _Ultimecia barked out suddenly. To everyone's shock and wonder, Rydia began aging at an extremely fast rate. It only took a few moments before she was in her adult form. Now she was stunning. She struck an incredibly sexy pose, so that her luscious green hair fell down her back and sparkled in the light.

"So _that's _how she did it…Leviathan's stomach be damned," Cecil marveled. The Director just facepalmed hard as the newly aged Rydia climbed up the ladder to the Enterprise.

"So far, there's been nothing but girls. Suddenly I want to get on board," Kamec observed. Fang scoffed in derision.

"Right. If anyone's getting on board that ship, it'll be me. Nothing but my smooth skills will succeed!" he bragged to Kamec, who shoved him lightly.

Director: The next one aboard is *shudders violently*

"What is it, director?" Terry asked curiously.

Director: Jenova. Jenova is going on the Enterprise.

Kamec immediately ran across the open field to a nearby lake, where he threw himself inside, while screaming like a small child. Once he splashed into the lake, a whirlpool formed (courtesy of Cagnazzo) and he was sucked down into the depths.

"I regret nothing!" he shrieked before being lost from sight. Fang watched him run, chuckling to himself.

Jenova floated through the crowd, everyone giving her a wide birth. She was in her original, grotesque form, so no one wanted to be near her but Sephiroth, of course.

"MOMMY!" Sephiroth yelled in glee, and ran to hug her. She was too fast however, and Sephiroth landed flat on his face. "WHY?!"

Zack and Cloud immediately seized the opportunity to start stomping on Sephiroth's body, while laughing like maniacs.

Jenova didn't bother with the ladder, and instead floated to the top of the ship next to the other girls, who instantly recoiled away. However, there was a flash of light, and Jenova was now suddenly in the form of a young girl with short blonde hair and an ample form. The other girls eventually grew acclimatized to her presence after that.

Director: Okay. *draws another slip* All right. Terra is the next one to board.

Terra squeaked in surprise when her name was called, and she blushed from all the attention that was now directed at her. Terraform smiled gently at her and gave her a slight push to her get her moving.

"It'll be all right, Terra. We'll be in Luca before you know it," she assured the half-esper. Terra nodded and used her abilities to propel herself up towards the ship.

"OI! TIFA!" Terraform suddenly shrieked. The dark haired fist fighter glanced down at the loud muse. "YOU TAKE CARE OF HER OR I'LL RIP YOUR DAMN HAIR OFF!"

"Cat-fight!" Fang declared jokingly. Terraform shot him a glare and then attempted to bop him on the head. Fang grinned and was about to intercept her blow, when Cecil stopped him. Fang took the hit from Terraform, and then glared at Cecil.

"Be chivalrous, like a knight," Cecil advised him. Fang metaphorically sweatdropped.

As the director grabbed another slip, Kamec managed to get out of the water, gasping for breath. The throuoghly drenched muse walked back towards the crowd, where Rubicante helpfully dried him off by igniting his cloak with flames hotter than the sun for a millionth of a second, which not only dried Kamec's clothes, but singed them pitch black. Kamec puffed, soot coming out of his mouth and nose.

"I suppose I should be grateful for that," he muttered, dusting the soot off of his skin.

Fang realized that there was nothing but girls on that ship, so he began fervently praying that the last spot would be going to him.

Director: And the last spot goes to…ah. A muse! Terraform, it looks like you won't need to worry about Terra after all! You're going on the ship!

"OH YEAH!" Terraform squealed happily. "All girls! Girls night out!"

"Slumber parties!" Rydia added.

"Lesbian orgies….I mean lots of love to go around!" Rikku added. Tifa glanced at her suspiciously, but said nothing.

Terraform went for the ladder, but Terra floated down and met her before she could reach it. The two embraced happily, and then the half-esper bore Terraform to the deck of the airship.

"Oh fuck you Terraform. That should have been mine," Fang grumbled. He was ignored, however, and the Director moved on.

Director: That's all for the Enterprise. Now, we'll be moving on to the Nautilus. Terraform, you better not set off until I give the order!

Terraform was too busy admiring Terra's dress to pay any attention. The director sighed and drew out another slip of paper.

Director: First, for the Nautilus, we have…Fang. What are the odds of drawing another muse?

"So I get the epic yellow whale ship? This is the best thing ever. Now I just need some girls aboard," Fang expressed his opinion, and then began climbing the ladder to the deck of the Nautilus.

Director: The next is…HA! Have fun with this one, Fang. Tiamat, the Fiend of Wind!

As the dragon from Final Fantasy I began rising, there was an indignant yell from the crowd.

"Excuse me?! I'M THE DAMN FIEND OF WIND!" an irate Barbariccia screamed at the director, who ignored her. Rubicante stepped in front of her, deflecting the blast of wind that she was intending to send at the director.

"Calm down," Rubicante ordered. If anything, she got angrier.

"I will NOT calm down! That guy just called that rip-off the fiend of wind, when I'm PRETTY SURE IT'S ME!"

"Calm down before I make you!"

"BRING IT ON!"

The Director sweatdropped as the two fiends began exchanging elemental blasts of fire and wind in the background. Tiamat blinked…and then began flying up to the Nautilus. As he did so, the Dragonball theme began playing in the background. Tiamat abruptly turned its head and roared indignantly.

"Excuse me?! Do I LOOK like a magical dragon to you?!" the fiend questioned angrily. There was a silence in which nothing but the theme and some crickets could be heard.

"Is…that a trick question?" Tidus answered. The sounds of other actors laughing could be heard. Tiamat growled and slithered up to the deck alongside Fang, who shuddered at its proximity.

Director: Moving on, the next one to join Fang on the Nautilus is…well this ought to be interesting. Emperor Mateus.

"OH HELL NO!" Fang protested loudly and vehemently. The mocking laughter of the Emperor could be heard as he faded into view aboard the Nautilus. "GET THE FUCK OFF THIS SHIP!"

"Intense defiance requires intense discipline. As it was for the rebels, so it shall be for you," the Emperor declared, brandishing his bladed staff at the enraged muse.

"In case you hadn't noticed, we won!" Firion called up to the Emperor, only to receive a flare to the face. "Gah!"

Fang, for some bullshit reason that the authoress was too lazy to come up with, managed to produce the Ashura dark blade from his time as Arc from out of nowhere and brandished it at the Emperor.

"It is ON, you flamboyant fuck!" the muse challenged, and began charging up a soul eater. The Emperor's eyes narrowed and conjured up a flare in his free hand.

Tiamat let out a sigh as he watched the two engage in an intense fight on board the airship.

Director: Anyhow, Garland, you're the next to join them.

"Good. I'll end that fight before it even begins," Garland growled. He snapped his fingers, and then Tiamat, Lich, Marilith, and Kraken imbued him with their power once more, and the knight disappeared.

When Garland reappeared, it was in the guise of Chaos, the God of Discord. With a grunt, the god produced hundreds of fireballs from out of nowhere and sent them raining down on the airship, aiming for the fighting Fang and Emperor. Because he was a god and had godlike powers, the flames didn't harm the airship.

"Shiver….before the power of a god…" Chaos said in a low voice, and then he descended to the deck of the airship at a high speed, slamming into the ground and sending out a flaming shockwave.

When the flames cleared, Fang and the Emperor were lying on the ground, their clothes and skin singed black with the flames. Chaos glanced at his handiwork and reverted back to the form of Garland. The knight grunted in satisfaction and turned his back. Tiamat bowed its head in respect.

Fang was sprawled on the ground in an embarrassing fashion while the Emperor was much the same, only he managed to make it look somewhat sexy. The Emperor rose from his position, a grimace on his face.

"That…was just not fair," he muttered. The Emperor positioned himself next to Tiamat, who was adjacent to Garland. Fang grumbled irritably and stood next to him. The two continuously shot death glares at each other as the Director drew the next name.

Director: Hm, let's see. Aerith! You're on the Nautilus too!

"FUCKING YES!" Fang could be heard roaring triumphantly as the girl in question happily moved over to the ladder and ascended. Aerith was wearing her usual pink outfit, with her Princess Guard strapped to her back. Her shirt was emblazoned with the image of a blitzball.

"Ooh, this'll be so much fun!" Aerith squealed when she reached the deck, ignoring the less than happy looks given to her by the Emperor and Garland. Tiamat looked a little too happy at her presence. Fang was already forgiving Terraform for taking his place on the ship of all girls because he was probably going to spend the entire trip to Luca in a cabin with Aerith.

Director: Next is…Cagnazzo. Look's like you'll be the next member of the Nautilus' crew.

The lake that was near the hotel was currently a massive whirlpool, with the Drowned King at the center. Kamec was spinning around the circumference at an incredible speed, foaming at the mouth because of how incredibly dizzy he was.

Upon hearing his name called, Cagnazzo allowed the whirlpool to dissipate, replacing it instead with a powerful geyser, which propelled the fiend towards the Nautilus. Kamec was caught up in the geyser and was sent flying through the air. He would have gone clear over the hotel roof if a certain ninja hadn't appeared in the air behind him.

"And…spike!" Yuffie yelled, and then slammed her gauntleted fist into Kamec's ass, completely reversing his momentum. The poor muse hit the ground hard, which cracked under the impact. Kamec let out a pathetic moan and remained still.

Cagnazzo transformed in midflight to human form, where he once again took the appearance of the late king of Baron, earning a furious cry from Cecil. The fiend grabbed onto the railing and vaulted onto the deck, giving a cocky two-fingered wave to Fang, who raised an eyebrow.

Director: Lastly, Cecil! Go and join Fang on the Nautilus.

Cecil nodded and leapt to the deck of the ship, soaring through the air elegantly. OF course, that elegant image was shattered on the deck, when he immediately ran over to Cagnazzo and knocked the fiend to the floor and started stomping on him frantically.

Director: And now the Nautilus is ready. Fang, don't leave until everyone else is ready, or I'll dock the fuck out of your pay. Now, let's move on to the Invincible.

Fang just waved a hand dismissively and proceeded to ogle Aerith's breasts in a not very subtle manner. Aerith quickly noticed and unbuttoned the top button of her shirt to give him a better view.

Director: Now, the Invincible is by far the largest ship here, but it also has the best quarters. Let's see who'll be the first on…Leila!

The self-proclaimed Pirate Queen stopped singing with Maximilian and moved towards the rope ladder, looking up at the massive airship with glee. "You realize I'm totally going to steal this when this is all over right?" she asked the Director, who sighed and ignored her. Luneth was less compliant.

"Hey! All three of these airships are MINE! I earned them, so I get to…" Luneth complained, but was quickly forced to hit the ground when Leila's knife zipped through the air where his head had been.

Director: Next, we have Maria. Go and join Leila.

Firion huffed when Maria left him. She gave him a wave of farewell and climbed the ladder into the massive airship. Leila greeted Maria with a friendly hug and waited for the director to call the next person.

"You know, it seems like every other character called so far has had more of an introduction than us," Maria commented, gazing over the edge of the ship.

"You're right. I wonder why?" Leila agreed. There was a silence, and then someone called up from the ground.

"It's because you're minor characters that don't matter!" Both Leila and Maria gained an anime anger mark on their heads and glared down at the crowd.

"Who said that?! Who the FUCK said that?!" Leila shrieked, but she was ignored because she was a minor character that didn't matter. Maria patted her on the back in an attempt to comfort her, but then the camera panned away from them because they were minor characters that don't matter.

Director: Moving on *pulls a slip out and looks at it* Next on board is Cid H…

"HIGHWIND MUTHAFUCKA!" the Cid in question interrupted immediately, thrusting his spear into the air triumphantly. The Director huffed at the interruption, and then thrust his thumb towards the airship. Cid looked up at the Invincible and grinned. "Prepare your minor selves…"

"STOP CALLING ME MINOR!"

"…for the awesomeness that is Cid…fucking…Highwind!" the older man continued to stand around and proclaim his greatness for a few extra minutes before finally deciding to get moving. "Ugh, Why is there a ladder? Can't we just use my Shera?"

"Let me give you a hand," Kain offered, walking over to him. Cid turned to face the god among gods with a curious expression. Kain grabbed Cid by the back of his shirt.

"Going to throw me to the ship? Sounds like fun! Let's go!" Cid shouted. Kain smirked and then raised his arm so fast that no one could even follow it. There was so much force behind that simple movement; Cid was sent flying so high into the air that he disappeared from view. Heads rose to watch him go.

Director: *gazes in silence at the sky, and then pulls another slip out* I'm sure he'll be back. Now, next on the ship is Zack Fair!

"Wait, I get some screen time? OH YEAH!" Zack cried exuberantly, pushing his way through the crowd and standing just in front of the Director. "I've only showed up once in this entire story, and that was purely to show me getting owned! It's time for some payback!"

Director: Just…get on the ship.

"On it. Let me just throw on this Jump materia, and I'll be right there," Zack replied, taking out a yellow orb from a satchel pinned to his side. However, when he saw Kain Highwind gazing pointedly at him, he gulped and put the materia back. "Maaaybe I'll use a Speed+ materia instead."

Zack zoomed across the ground at an incredible speed thanks to the Speed+ materia, and streaked up the ladder. He inserted himself between Leila and Maria and immediately wrapped an arm around each of them, grinning boyishly. "I am going to enjoy this cruise oh so very much. Do you agree, ladies?"

Maria blushes deeply, shyly gazing up at Zack and snuggling into his embrace. Zack considered that a yes, and proceeded to look at Leila, ignoring the random threats of pain and death being shouted his way by an irate Firion.

Leila's response was less favorable. She quickly grabbed Zack's arm and pivoted on her right heel, throwing him onto the floor. Then she proceeded to stomp on his face repeatedly while lecturing him harshly on respect towards the female gender.

Director: Why do I feel that the Invincible crew will be a disaster? *looks at the next slip and sighs* Speaking of disasters, the next member to ride the Invincible is Yuffie Kisaragi.

"Yes! Let's do this!" Yuffie squealed, and then she ran forward and jumped, flipping in midair. She used the Director's head as a stepping-stone to land upon, and then propelled herself upwards with her hands. After a few more artful somersaults, she landed on top of the deck.

Leila's arms were crossed and she was facing away from Zack, who now had a black eye, a nosebleed, and cut lips. Zack had just risen to his feet when Yuffie streaked by him at a high speed.

"GIVE ME YOUR MATERIA!" she shrieked, pick-pocketing every single materia out of his various pockets on the way past. Zack was clueless for a second before he realized what was happening. He let out a cry of outrage and sprinted after the materia loving thief. Yuffie cackled in a deranged manner, holding all of the materia in her arms. As she was running, materia would spill out and spontaneously activate, resulting in explosions of fire, ice, and lightning of various levels of strength.

Director: *watches the spectacle and then facepalms* I'm sure glad that ship's repairs aren't on _my _payroll. Oh, it looks like the next one to hop on board is you, Kamec.

"Finally! Get me out of here…" Kamec groaned, at last on his feet and in a relatively stable situation. Nobody was trying to kill him at the moment, which he considered fortunate. "At least Jenova is on the other ship. I feel so bad for those girls."

Upon speaking the name of the alien in question, the young girl whom Jenova now resembled gave Kamec a seemingly innocent smile and a wave. Kamec shuddered and climbed up the ladder to the Invincible. The second he got on board, he was forced to duck under a bolt3 spell unleashed by a fallen materia.

Director: And lastly, the Warrior of Light. That does it for the airships.

The Warrior of Light, who hadn't moved an inch since the proceedings had begun, nodded tersely and moved to join the others aboard the Invincible. When he got aboard, he sighed when he saw the scene before him.

Zack was still chasing around a cackling Yuffie who had all of his materia. Leila, Maria, and Kamec were frantically trying to dodge the rampant spells exploding near them.

The Warrior of Light appeared in front of Yuffie, startling her and causing her to drop all of the materia. Before the magical orbs hit the ground, the Warrior of Light sliced them all into shards with his sword. Yuffie and Zack stood in front of the pile of materia shards and stared in shock and anger.

"What the hell, dude!?" Yuffie demanded.

"In order to quell altercations concerning material objects, the best course of action is to remove the object from existence," the Warrior of Light answered calmly, sheathing his blade once more.

"But…my…that's all my power! You asshole!" Zack protested vehemently. The Warrior of Light turned and began to walk away, uncaring.

"If you must rely upon a material object for strength, then you are weak. The light is the only strength you need," he chastised. Zack looked dumbfounded at that.

"Translated: Quit being a little bitch!" Fang called from his position on the Nautilus.

"Where did Cid ever go? Maria asked curiously, looking up at the sky. Just then, Cid Highwind shot down from the clouds and slammed onto the deck spear first, a grin on his face and a cigarette in his mouth. He dusted himself off, looking no worse for wear. In his hand he held a blue rock made of strange crystals.

"I'm back. Kain threw me a little too hard, so I took a pit stop at Pluto and grabbed a souvenir," Cid explained. Everyone on the ship then had to hit the deck to look for the jaws that had fallen everywhere. Except for the Warrior of Light of course. He looked indifferent and boring.

"Wait a second! If Kain threw you to fucking _Pluto_, if we assume that that is even physically possible, how the hell did you breathe while you were there?" Kamec asked incredulously. "Secondly, you didn't have Kain there to send you back, so how did you get all the way back to Earth, since there's no gravity?"

"Fuck you, that's how." Cid retorted.

Director: All of you, shut up. Now, the rest of us will be going in my own private airship, the Ragnarok.

Everyone looked to see a massive crimson airship in the shape of a dragon swoop down from the skies, a blast of wind accompanying its arrival.

"Woohoo, we're flying!" Selphie from the eighth game squealed from the cockpit of the airship. Fang heard her voice and found that he rather liked the sound, despite the fact that he had only heard two words and a yell. He looked over at the cockpit and squinted at the girl behind the glass. She looked cute from a distance, so Fang hoped to get to know her better at some point on this trip.

A hatch was already opening on the bottom of the ship, which lowered until it could be considered a ramp. Standing on the ramp was Squall Lionheart and the rest of the cast from Final Fantasy VIII.

"Climb aboard, sir Director! We have plenty of room!" Quistis hailed from the Ramp. The Director nodded and beckoned to the rest of the crowd, which began to trail behind him.

"But not plenty of hotdogs…"

"Shut it Zell!" Seifer snapped, but then Squall threw an acorn at him and the two began to beat the crap out of each other.

Director: One last thing before we all set off. The crew of the first of the three airships to reach Luca gets front row seats during the games, as well as free refreshments. You may all head out when you're ready.

"Free refreshments? That means free beer! IT'S ON MUTHAFUCKAS!" Fang roared, and then immediately hit the gas, and the Nautilus shot forward, leaving the other two airships behind.

"What?! No, I will not lose to Fang of all people! Let's move, girls!" Terraform ordered, and there were cries of approval from the other women. The Enterprise's engines fired up and it began to soar through the air after the Nautilus.

"Leave it to me! I'm a pirate queen, and by that logic no one is better at piloting airships than me!" Leila declared. The Invincible roared to life and slowly moved through the air in the direction of Luca.

Once everyone had loaded onto the Ragnarok, the crimson airship zoomed through the air even faster than the Nautilus, guaranteed to reach Luca first because it was the Director's ship and it makes the plot easier to write if he gets there first. Even though he's not technically part of the race.

* * *

><p>Everything started off relatively normal aboard the Enterprise. Terraform was keeping the ship on course, her hands constantly adjusting for changes in the wind. Terra was next to her, a little fairy made of flame dancing on her open palm, which she watched with amazed eyes.<p>

Rydia was actually managing to have a meaningful conversation with Jenova, who was still in human form. Rydia decided she didn't mind the company of the ancient 2000-year-old alien who singlehandedly massacred the most advanced race on Gaia. If anything, she certainly had an interesting outlook on life. Or more accurately, the extermination of life.

Things were slightly more rowdy over where Rikku was. She was constantly giving Tifa drinks purchased from the merchant who was also living on the ship in a subtle attempt to get her drunk, but Tifa didn't suspect a thing because Rikku was also drinking. Rikku thought it best not to tell her that she was only drinking lemonade. All schemes aside, they were playing a competitive card game. Rikku kept winning, much to Tifa's frustration.

"Hey Terraform?" Tifa suddenly called. Terraform answered without turning her head.

"Yes?"

"Are we there yet?" she asked. Terraform sighed in exasperation. She hadn't expected that from Tifa of all people, but then again, the girl was definitely tipsy.

"No."

…

"How about now?" Tifa asked again.

"Shut up, Tifa."

* * *

><p>The Nautilus was still very much in the lead, as it was a faster airship. Fang was driving, and had decided to close up the air shields, as he wanted to see if the airship could really travel underwater.<p>

The Nautilus slipped under the waves of the ocean like a sea serpent, coloring the crew with an aquamarine color. The ship was slowed down significantly due to the water resistance, but that didn't matter. Tiamat and Cagnazzo were the Fiends of Wind and Water, respectively, and working together the two created a powerful ocean current to propel them at a speed comparable to their previous speed in the air. Of course, none of them were happy about it.

"_Why should I work with you, you fake fiend?" _Cagnazzo grumbled, orbs of aquamarine light hovering in front of his human hands. Tiamat floated beside him, growling angrily.

"Fake fiend? You shut the hell up. If anything, you're the fake, because we came first!" Tiamat shot back.

"_What does that have to do with anything? The Director clearly realized how shitty his original fiends were, and as such created us, the new and improved fiends!"_

"That's like trying to say the Avatar the Last Airbender movie improved on the old, solid series."

Cagnazzo looked taken aback by that comment, and even Fang turned around from the helm with a furious expression on his face.

"That. Was. Low," the two of them said together, while Tiamat just roared out his laughter.

"Fang, if you would keep your eyes forward!" Cecil cried out. Fang looked back out into the ocean and his eyes bugged out when he realized he was about to ram the ship into a reef. He tugged the wheel to turn the ship, tremors running through the hull as the collision was narrowly avoided.

"Besides, everyone can agree that an awesome dragon is a better Fiend of Wind than some bitchy blonde woman," Tiamat continued, clearly not satisfied with the way the argument ended. Fang sighed, deciding to end the argument.

"Cecil, take the wheel for a moment," Fang asked the paladin, who nodded and did so. Fang walked over to Tiamat and boldly looked him in the eye. "Okay, let me ask you something. Isn't Barbariccia always naked?"

"Yes, but…"

"Then you lose. Any man will agree that a hot naked woman, no matter how bitchy, is more awesome than a dragon," Fang explained. An anger mark appeared on Tiamat's brow.

"I disagree with that statement," The Emperor put in.

"Shut it, you metrosexual bastard," Fang snapped at him without even looking at him. The Emperor's eyes widened, and then he began to glare, a powerful flare appearing above his finger.

"Wait, so if all it takes to be awesome is to be a naked woman," Tiamat reasoned, and then the dragon began to glow brightly with a golden light. There was a flash, and then suddenly he took the form of a fairly attractive dragon girl with anime style eyes. "What about now? Am I better than Barbariccia now?"

"Give me a moment," Fang responded, and then he turned around to face the flare that was coming his way. "FUS RO DAH!"

The flare was knocked far away from him by the shout, and then Fang turned back around looking satisfied. He then proceeded to give the dragon girl an appreciative glance. "Well, not really. You see, you're actually a male, so it still doesn't work."

"Yes, but I can shapeshift! Can Barbariccia shapeshift?" Tiamat countered. Fang let his face rest in his palm.

"_I can shapeshift…" _Cagnazzo pointed out irritably.

"Nobody asked you!" both Tiamat and Fang snapped before returning to their discussion.

"You don't get it. Men can't imagine having sex with you if you're actually a man. It would be weird. It's like trying to imagine having sex with Terraform now that he's an illusory girl. Like, if I wanted to stick it in his pussy, where would I actually be placing it? Ugh!" Fang explained.

* * *

><p>At the helm of the Enterprise, Terraform suddenly sneezed, and then wiped her nose on a handkerchief.<p>

* * *

><p>"Yeah, so Terraform isn't an illusory girl. She's actually a girl now," Tiamat informed Fang, who blinked at that revelation.<p>

"Wait, Aizen's ability is absolute hypnosis. It's all just illusion. How is it official all of a sudden?" he asked. Tiamat sighed and returned to his dragon form.

"Apparently King Trent the Transformer King showed up from fucking nowhere and made her actually be a girl instead of just being an illusion," Tiamat explained. Fang blinked.

"Who?"

"I don't even know."

Suddenly the ship lurched, and then Fang heard a high-pitched scream coming from Cecil. He turned to see Cecil, who was staring and screaming at a massive, murky green shape appearing from the ocean depths.

"What the hell is it?" Fang asked, running up to the glass. He couldn't make out what the green creature was, but it did not look friendly.

"IT'S THE FUCKING EMERALD WEAPON! CAGNAZZO, GET US OUT OF HERE!" Cecil shrieked. Cagnazzo's eyes bugged out, and then he thrust his palms forward, the blue orbs growing larger. The Nautilus began to move faster, and Cecil began taking it through a winding path through the reefs in an attempt to evade Emerald Weapon.

"Well, this is going to slow us down…" Fang deadpanned, though he didn't really care one way or the other.

* * *

><p>Because none of them had any materia or any other way to entertain themselves, Zack, Kamec, Yuffie, and Cid were sitting on the deck of the Invincible playing an incredibly complex Wutaian card game introduced to them by Yuffie.<p>

Except it wasn't actually Wutaian, as that was just an elaborate lie to cover up the fact that they were actually playing Yu-Gi-Oh.

Hardly any of them really knew the rules concerning four player games, and as such they were in a free for all style game.

"Right, so I'll summon these Harpy Lady bitches to my side of the field," Cid stated, earning a laugh from Kamec on how he phrased it. "I wanna tap them…"

"Cid, this isn't Magic: the Gathering. You don't need to tap them to attack with them," Kamec explained. Cid winked.

"The hell is Magic?" he asked with a grin. Kamec looked confused for a moment before it clicked.

"Ahaha…ahaha…I see what you did there."

"I'm actually gonna attack your facedown with it. So yeah. Die," Cid declared. Kamec grinned and flipped over a very familiar…and hated…card. Cid saw it immediately and grabbed his spear. Kamec's eyes widened and then he took off running, following by a very angry Cid.

"RYKO?! I'LL SHOW YOU RYKO! I'LL TAKE THAT CARD AND IMBED IT INTO YOUR SPINAL CORD!" Cid roared, and the two began to frantically chase each other around the room. Zack and Yuffie stared at one another and then shrugged.

When everyone settled down, Cid removed his monster from the field with much grumbling. Then it was Yuffie's turn. Through some bullshit that would take too long to explain and would only prove how unnecessarily complicated this game is, she managed to summon the Five-Headed Dragon, and promptly declared an all out attack on Zack. However, the former SOLDIER flipped over the bane of every Yu-Gi-oH player: Mirror Force. Yuffie's eye twitched, and anyone could clearly tell that she was just barely restraining herself from ripping Zack into pieces.

"Yeah…that's right. You can suck it, Yuffie. I win. Take your monsters an…" Zack began to taunt, but then Kamec turned over his own trap card, which actually negated mirror force and allowed Yuffie's attack to go through. "Wait what? Oh you son of a bitch!"

"Yeah, that's for negating the summon of my Judgment Dragon," Kamec taunted.

"AHA! TAKE THAT! WHAT'S THAT, ZACK?! I DIDN'T HEAR YOU! WHO'S GOING TO SUCK IT?" Yuffie squealed happily, jumping up and down in triumph. Zack sighed and gathered up his cards, as her attacks had destroyed his life points.

"I'm done. I'm going to go and torment Maria now," Zack declared, getting up and walking out of the room. Yuffie looked over at Kamec with shining anime style eyes, and then glomped him furiously, wrapping her arms around his neck and bearing him to the ground.

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Yuffie gushed, now straddling Kamec, who looked entirely too pleased with the situation.

"Huh. Kamec could have just saved that trap for me, because I was about to bring every one of my monsters back and attacked him head on, but he used it to help you, Yuffie. What a great guy. I would have let you fail, because then I could have laughed at you. I don't think you'll find many guys like Kamec out there," Cid told Yuffie firmly. Kamec was confused until Cid gave him another wink. Then it clicked. Cid was trying to be his wingman.

Kamec then had a plan when his turn came around. If he played his cards right (both literally and figuratively), he was going to have a feisty new lover. He looked at the cards in his hand and quickly came up with a strategy.

"Well, Cid, you're going to hate me even more. Heavy Storm, and then Lightning Vortex," Kamec informed the older man, a cheeky grin on his face. The cigarette fell from Cid's mouth as he realized that his entire field had just been wiped. "Unfortunately, I don't have any strong monsters out. Yuffie, can I borrow your Five-Headed Dragon?"

"Huh? Oh," Yuffie said when she saw that the card Kamec was holding was Enemy Controller. The ninja, who was still sitting in Kamec's lap, passed over the incredibly powerful monster to Kamec, who then grinned.

"I'mma attack you, Cid," Kamec said with a happy smile. Cid growled, but he could do nothing to stop it. He dropped his hand with bad grace and stood up.

"You son of a bitch," Cid muttered. "Guess that just leaves you and Yuffie. I'm going to go and make sure Zack doesn't make any moves on Maria or Leila. For his own safety, you see."

"Right," Kamec replied. The Five-Headed Dragon went back to Yuffie, who promptly annihilated Kamec's defenses and won the duel. Everyone on the planet could probably have heard Yuffie's cry of triumph.

"Yep, my dragons are the best. Nothing can stop them!" Yuffie cried happily, and then proceeded to jump around the room like a hyperactive squirrel. Kamec raised an eyebrow.

"You know, dragons was not the deck type that crossed my mind when you started playing. You'd think you'd play a ninja deck, or maybe Six Samurai?" Kamec asked curiously. Yuffie stopped bouncing around and wrinkled her nose.

"Why would I want to do that? I see all the ninjas I want back in Wutai. Besides, who makes a deck after their profession anyway?" Yuffie answered. Kamec made a comical expression.

"Tennis."

"Oh come on, that show is NOT canon! Nobody likes it!" she shrieked in protest. Kamec had to agree with that. It wasn't nearly as good as the original.

He then realized that he was alone in the room with Yuffie. Everyone else was up at the helm, doing who knows what. Yuffie seemed to have noticed this too, and a mischievous smile crossed her face. Her giant shuriken appeared out of nowhere, startling Kamec. She tossed it across the room into the door, shutting and dead bolting it at the same time because she was a ninja and had ninja skills.

"Uh…Yuffie…" Kamec began to ask, but Yuffie cut him off.

"Don't say anything! You'll embarrass me if you talk," she hissed, her cheeks coloring a light pink. Kamec suddenly understood what kind of situation he was in, and then he closed his eyes and began fervently thanking Cid in his mind.

* * *

><p>Cid stood at the helm next to the Warrior of Light, who was controlling the ship. He hefted his spear and lit up a fresh cigarette, grinning. "You're welcome, pal. Figured you deserved it after Jenova," Cid replied, because he could hear Kamec's thoughts because he's a Highwind and therefore had godlike powers.<p>

* * *

><p>"So…" Yuffie whispered softly, unbuttoning Kamec's pants and pulling them down softly. "This is a thank you for being so awesome." She then proceeded to take him in her mouth and start sucking.<p>

* * *

><p>Zack sighed and ducked under one of Leila's daggers, having earned her wrath after making a poorly concealed comment about how sexy she was. Maria was hiding behind Leila, so there was no way he had been able to get close to her without getting past Leila. He had tried flattery, but that had only earned him various attempts to cause him pain.<p>

"A little help, Warrior?" Zack asked, leaping backwards towards the Warrior of Light to avoid Leila's mad assault. The Warrior of Light shook his head.

"I shall not aid those treading the path of darkness," he replied formally.

"Sex is not dark!" Zack shot back irritably. Leila was so intent on murdering him that if he stayed any longer, he'd have to use the Buster Sword. He didn't particularly want to do that, so he decided he'd go and play another game with Yuffie.

He didn't take more than two steps towards the room before Cid grabbed his neck and slammed him to the deck. The pilot growled and pressed his foot to Zack's throat, keeping him there. "What the hell, Cid? I just want to go play another round!"

"And I'm saying no," Cid answered simply.

"What are they doing that you don't want me joining them?" Zack persisted. Cid released Zack's neck and then hefted his spear again.

"Stuff that they don't particularly want interrupted," the pilot replied. It took Zack a second to figure it out, and then he scoffed.

"That's not fucking fair! Oh, some random muse walks up and gets some, and I have to deal with _that_!" Zack complained, thrusting a finger at Leila.

"Something you want to say to me?!" Leila yelled over at him, unsheathing her daggers again. Zack turned around and comically pointed at Leila.

"You're a cockblocker! A dirty jealous cockblocker!" Zack shouted, and then wisely turned and sprinted the other direction, towards the other side of the ship. That was a good decision, because Leila soon streaked after him screaming various threats of pain and death.

"You know, nobody asks me what _I_ want to do," Maria huffed. She began to walk back towards where Yuffie and Kamec were, only for Cid to stop her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Cid asked accusingly. Maria adopted a cheeky expression and pushed past him.

"I'm going to go and…join them," she answered, the blush on her face indicating that she knew very well what she was getting into. Cid's eyebrow raised, and then he let her go. He turned back towards the wheel and threw his head back, laughing.

"As all of my companions descend towards corruption, I alone remain pure," the Warrior of Light declared.

"Shut the hell up, Mr. Shiny."

Maria used her inexplicable magical powers to open the door to the room where Yuffie and Kamec were residing in, even though it had been dead bolted shut. Maria instantly grew turned on by the sight in front of her.

Yuffie was currently resting on all fours, rocking back and forth as Kamec plunged his cock inside of her repeatedly, screaming loudly. Yuffie spotted Maria and was about to yell something, but then Maria began to undress, showing that she wanted in on the action.

"This definitely does not suck!"

* * *

><p>The race continued, only things were different than they had been at the start. The Nautilus was surprisingly no longer in the lead, despite its speed advantage. Their unlucky encounter with Emerald Weapon slowed it down considerably as Fang and the Emperor frantically tried to lose the unstoppable machine in a nearby reef.<p>

It was actually the Invincible that was in the lead, because the crew of the Enterprise had decided to stop by Costa Del Sol and go shopping. No matter what came at the Invincible, the Warrior of Light kept the ship moving.

The Director was already at Luca, and was currently enjoying a drinking party with Rubicante, Ultimecia, Kain, and Seifer. When the four of them were not quivering with fear and admiration of the godlike figure that was sitting with them, they were making bets on which ship was going to be the first there.

Behind them, the blitzball stadium could be seen. The Luca Goers, who were the current champions because Final Fantasy X had not been filmed yet, were in the middle of setting up the arena for the games. They were carrying out there given task with enthusiasm, already confident that they were going to win the tournament.

On the balcony above them was Maister Seymour Guado and Sephiroth, who were getting along fantastically because they were both washed up villains with mommy complexes. Ignoring the death glares given to the authoress by both villains, she continued to describe the stadium.

The rest of the cast of Final Fantasy X were in the stands, although Rikku was missing because she was riding on the Enterprise. Tidus and Jecht were busy ignoring each other, while Yuna kept inching closer and closer to the former. Lulu and Wakka were making out next to them, so nobody was paying attention to those two.

"You know, you think I would be playing on one of these teams," Tidus complained. "I'm one of the best damn players in the game. I mean, I'm practically broken!"

Jecht grunted and whacked Tidus over the head, sending him hurtling down several rows of seats into Zell Dincht, who gave a loud yelp. "You think YOU should have been picked? Get real, kid. If anyone, I'm the best player, because the strongest shot in the game was named after ME! You don't see anyone using the Tidus Shot, do you?"

"Where's Auron and Kimahri?" Yuna inserted, trying to change the subject and prevent the two from murdering each other. Tidus blinked, clearly drawing a blank, so Jecht answered for him.

"Auron? For all I know, he's in the streets poisoning small children with whatever the hell he keeps in that flask of his," Jecht answered, revealing that he had no clue as well.

"Wait, you mean the one that can light tornadoes on fire?" Tidus asked.

"That's the one."

"Wait, what about Kimahri?" Yuna asked, concerned for one of her closest friends.

"If you're worried, you could always call your local PetSmart," Jecht replied, shrugging.

"Sir Jecht! Kimahri is not a simple pet!" Yuna gasped, appalled by the very thought. Jecht held up his hands in a sign of surrender, though a wolfish grin was now plastered on his face.

"Oh you're right. How about trying Animal Control? I'm sure they'll know." Jecht saw that he was irritating Yuna quite effectively by the look on her face. When she shook her head, he decided unwisely to keep going. "No? How about trying the ASPCA? No? Okay, what about the Blue Cross? Still no good? The Animal Welfare Institute? PETA? What about…"

"SIR JECHT!" Yuna shrieked furiously, and then whipped out her staff and summoned Anima in all of her disturbing glory, and then sicced her on the poor man, who was abruptly tugged underground into an alternate dimension and then beat mercilessly by Anima's other half.

"MOMMY!" Seymour then threw himself from the balcony and proceeded to run happily towards her, paying her grotesque appearance no mind. By the time he reached her, Anima had already returned to her dimension, leaving Seymour standing alone, his expression heartbroken. "WHY!?"

The Director glanced wryly down at the antics of his cast members, and then facepalmed.

Director: I swear, someone please get here soon so we can start the matches.

* * *

><p>"How the fuck did this happen?!" Fang roared. He was standing at the helm, having taken it back from Cecil in order to try and outmaneuver Emerald Weapon. However, things had taken a turn for the worst, when Tiamat had the bright idea to suggest they take the Nautilus up into the air again. It would have been a good idea, if Ultima Weapon hadn't been waiting up there to ambush them. "There HAS to be some kind of conspiracy! Cecil, I swear to god, stop trying to take the wheel!"<p>

Cecil backed off from the wheel, scared of Fang's shouting. Throughout all of this, the Emperor was calmly attending to his hair in the back corner, gazing into a mirror and smiling slightly.

"_Get back into the water!" _Cagnazzo snapped frantically. Fang, who had a tendency to curse frequently when in a life or death situation, did not take very well to that suggestion.

"I fucking can't, dammit! That Emerald Weapon asshole is down there!" Fang shouted.

"We can't stay in the air, either," Cecil pointed out. "Ultima Weapon is much more of a threat in the air, where there's no place to take cover."

"What the HELL do you want me to do about it?" Fang shot back angrily. Before Cecil could answer, the door leading to the lower decks slammed open, revealing a very annoyed Garland, who had been sleeping below.

"What is all the commotion about? Are you all so incompetent that even piloting an airship is too much for you?" Garland demanded, stalking up towards Fang, who was doing his best to focus on evading the attacks of the Weapons.

"Shut the hell up, Garland! In case you hadn't noticed, we're about to get annihilated!" Fang snapped, causing everyone to look at him in shock. Garland was one of the strongest members of the Final Fantasy team, given his connections to the God of Discord. Talking to him like that was either very brave, or very stupid.

Garland stepped out onto the outer deck and took a look up to see Ultima Weapon chasing after them several meters behind them, slowly gaining on them. The colossus occasionally would fire a destructive beam of energy, which Fang would swerve around.

"Hmph," Garland grunted, and then planted his foot on the deck, placing all of his body weight on it. Then, with a yell, the knight shot up into the air, streaking through the winds towards Ultima Weapon, his multiform sword clenched in his right hand.

"No way, is he…?" Cecil gasped, and all eyes turned to the daring Garland as he soared through the air. Even the Emperor took a break from fixing his hair to gaze out the window.

Ultima Weapon was a powerful, dragon-shaped machine created by the planet itself in order to safeguard it, and as such the essence of the goddess Minerva filled its circuits, empowering it. It was a being of incredible power, meant to be an unstoppable force that would purge the planet of all living creatures, so that the life cycle could begin anew. That being said, out of everything Ultima Weapon was programmed to deal with, it certainly hadn't been expecting a knight with a multiform sword to collide with it head on.

The two entities exchanged blows violently, Ultima Weapon shooting out spikes from concealed holes and energy blasts from smaller gun turrets on its body. Garland would dance through the air, weaving through each an every attack like they didn't exist, and then he landed right on its chest. With a battle cry, Garland slammed his sword deep into the Weapon's chest. The machine gave a loud roar that deafened everyone on the Nautilus. However, Garland was far from finished.

The knight sprinted up the Weapon's chest, dragging his sword through its body as he ran, gouging through the metal. Even as Ultima Weapon struggled, Garland charged up the machine's head until his sword was embedded deep into it. He held up his right hand, reddish magic forming there.

"I'll crush you!" Garland called out his favorite phrase, and then slammed his right hand down on the hilt of his sword, sending the magic through the sword and into Ultima Weapon's body.

Ultima Weapon roared loudly, and then the crack running the length of its body began to glow with the same reddish magic. With one last cry, Ultima Weapon split apart and exploded, sending shockwaves of reddish energy into the air. The waves shook the Nautilus, which knocked its inhabitants around.

Garland landed on the deck of the Nautilus, holding his multiform sword in his right hand, and a strange, wide-bladed sword with a navy blue and royal gold colored blade in his left. Everyone watched him in awe as he walked into the cockpit, where Fang was also looking at Garland with a new respect.

"I'm going downstairs to rest," Garland declared abruptly, and then moved towards the door to the lower decks. Before he did so, he realized he was still holding the strange blue and gold sword. "Oh, here you go."

Fang cursed in surprise as Garland carelessly threw the sword over his shoulder towards him. He reflexively caught it by the handle, and found that he could wield it without much trouble. Even just by holding it, he was taken aback by how much latent power he felt within the blade. He had never felt so strong before. He felt like he could take on the Cloud of Darkness again, and win singlehanded. "The fuck is this?" Fang remarked.

"Um, I may be wrong, but I think that is the Ultimate Weapon for Cloud in Final Fantasy VII. The script said that it could be obtained by defeating Ultima Weapon," Cecil guessed.

"Sweet! So I'm like, amazing, right?" Fang asked. Cecil nodded dumbly, looking at his own sword, the Lightbringer, and then gave an envious look at the Ultimate Weapon.

"_Oh, you have a new weapon?" _Cagnazzo spoke up, transforming into the likeness of the late King of Baron. The fiend drew a broadsword, and pointed it at Fang. "_Let Cecil take the wheel, and spar with me. Let's see how strong that sword makes you."_

Fang hefted Ultimate Weapon, and faced Cagnazzo with a grin. "Let's go!"

While the two of them went to a lower deck to spar, Tiamat sighed, now bored. Suddenly, a thought struck the dragon. "Say, where has Aerith been this whole time?"

"I suggest that you do not disturb her," the Emperor responded. "She is in the process of pleasing herself in one of the lower rooms."

"Pleasing…?" Tiamat repeated, and then it hit him. "Oh. Ooooh."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, things were going…well…for lack of a better word. While things had been hectic back on the Nautilus with the Weapons, here, it was just getting crazy. What had once just been a simple card game between Rikku and Tifa had now degenerated into strip poker, which had been suggested by Rikku, and Tifa had been intoxicated enough to agree.<p>

Terraform was driving the ship steadily, while Terra stood next to her, watching Rikku and Tifa with a blush on her face. The blonde haired Al'Bhed was now dressed in nothing but her shorts, her naked breasts bouncing freely. Poor Tifa was losing horribly, and wore nothing now except for her panties. Then, with the next card played, she lost those as well, meaning she was completely naked on the deck. Rikku lost no time, and proceeded to slide over to her, wrapping herself around the dark-haired girl and playing with her breasts. "You lost, Tifa. That means you have to do what I say."

"Hehe…that feels nice," Tifa commented drunkenly. Over by the helm, Terraform sighed in exasperation.

"Rikku! Stop trying to rape Tifa! Let's keep things clean aboard this ship!" she demanded. Rikku looked put out, and then got angry.

"How about you shut the fuck up?" Rikku asked sweetly, her hand dropping lower on Tifa's body, earning a moan from the aforementioned girl. "I have a portal grenade right here, and I will use it if you keep badgering me."

"The fuck is a portal grenade?" Terraform asked, confused. Rikku sighed in annoyance.

"I said shut up! I am seducing a really hot girl right now. Don't you screw it up!" Rikku snapped back. An anime anger mark appeared on Terraform's head.

"Terra, take the wheel," Terraform asked. Terra nodded and did so, and then Terraform stalked over to Rikku and Tifa.

"Hi! Do you want to help make me feel good?" Tifa asked, and Terraform choked in shock at how drunk Tifa was at the moment.

"Rikku! What did you even put in those drinks?!"

"You reeeeaaally don't want to know." Rikku replied innocently. Terraform's right eye twitched, and then she drew a knife.

"Get off of Tifa so I can put her to…," Terraform began, but then Rikku's expression darkened and she lashed out with her foot, catching Terraform in the ribs and shoving her back.

"You asked for it. Portal grenade!" Rikku cried, and then she threw a small round object into the air, which exploded brilliantly into a shower of blue sparks. In the place where the grenade detonated, a dark blue hole in the sky appeared.

Terraform watched dumbly as a young man dropped out of the hole and landed on his feet. Wearing slightly torn jeans and a worn t-shirt, the man looked like a typical college student. He took a card out of his pocket.

"Hello! I'm God! Nice to meet you all. Satan is my girlfriend, and Fang is my son!" the man declared. Terraform adopted a disbelieving expression, her brows flat in a perfect WTF face. "And this…is my Neos."

From the card in the man's hand, an even larger humanoid form appeared, with grayish skin and a head crest. Terraform groaned miserably and facepalmed so hard her make-up smeared. "Rikku…is this what you plan to 'punish' me with? Because it's working. It's so much fail it's killing me inside."

"No, actually…" Rikku said with an evil grin crossing her face. Suddenly, out of the portal dropped a colossal figure that slammed onto the college man's body, crushing it. "He is."

Terraform gazed in horror at the monstrosity before her. The figure resembled a human, except for the fact that its muscles were engorged out to extreme levels, and it was much taller than the tallest human. His eyes were pure white, possessing no irises or pupils, and his hair was a golden yellow, and stood up on end. "That's…just…not fair!"

"Hey Broly? She knows where Kakarotto is," Rikku called sweetly to the Legendary Super Saiyan, who immediately launched himself towards Terraform at an incredible speed.

"KAKAROTTO!" Broly shouted, and he brought his massive fist up in preparation for a near unstoppable punch. Terraform squealed and covered her face.

* * *

><p>The director looked over at the other people at his table and just sighed.<p>

Director: The fuck is the authoress even doing?

"Hell if I know," Seifer remarked nonchalantly.

* * *

><p>The millisecond before Broly's fist landed, Terra suddenly appeared in front of Terraform and brought her thin sword up, intercepting the attack. The force behind the punch was so great, that even though it couldn't get past Terra's blade, it was channeled into a shockwave that shook the whole ship.<p>

"Terra…how?" was all Terraform could say, as she was completely shocked that Terra was helping her, and more so at the sight of Terra stopping the Legendary Super Saiyan's punch with just that thin sword. Terra didn't answer, her eyes narrowed and her face set in a determined expression.

"I've got Kakarotto," Terra whispered, and Broly's eyes widened in rage. Then, Terra suddenly transformed in a flash of violet light, and she took her Esper form, and shrieked out a challenge. Before Broly could react, Terra unleashed a furious onslaught of slashes and cuts with her claws, which were amplified with her overflowing magical power. Broly was sent hurtling backwards, off the edge of the ship and into midair. Terra screeched against and soared after him.

"I don't even know what's going on anymore," Terraform admitted as she watched Terra and Broly exchanging blows at a speed almost too fast for her to see. All she could see was the image of the two of them for a split second in one area, and then a shockwave would erupt and then they would appear somewhere else, creating another shockwave.

"Disappear!" Broly snarled, appearing again and tossing an eraser cannon down at Terra, who deflected it with her bare hands, and then retaliated with a flurry of Holy orbs, followed by potent blasts of Flare.

"My head hurts," Terraform commented, and then looked over to Rikku, only to see the blonde on the floor with Tifa, fucking the dark-haired girl with her fingers. "HEY! I DIDN'T SAY YOU COULD START FUCKING DAMMIT!"

"Instead of focusing on me, shouldn't you be driving the ship?" Rikku pointed out. Terraform stood there dumbly for a second.

"Crap crap crap!" she screamed, running back to the helm, which was currently unmanned. Satisfied, Rikku went back to fucking Tifa.

Rydia and Jenova were sitting against the outside wall of the cabin, each holding a bag of popcorn and watching the fight between Terra and Broly excitedly. They started making bets over who the victor would be.

* * *

><p>The Invincible was probably, by comparison, the calmest vessel at the moment. Zack was lying in a corner, covered all over with bruises from the incredible beating dealt to him by Leila, who was sitting in a chair nearby and drinking tea. Cid was at the same table, playing tetris on his mobile phone, and getting very very frustrated about it. The Warrior of Light was still piloting the ship, and had not moved from that position in a long time.<p>

As for Kamec, Maria, and Yuffie, they were still fucking in a private room, and would likely continue to do so until they reached Luca.

* * *

><p>The Director stood up, seeing something approaching from the horizon. He tensed in anticipation, wondering who would be the first to arrive.<p>

"Is one of them here?" Seifer asked, boredly poking the ice at the bottom of his cup with his straw. His words gained the attention of Rubicante and even woke up Kain Highwind, who had been taking a light nap.

Director: Looks like it. I can't tell which it is yet, but that is definitely an airship.

Kain Highwind lifts up the visor of his helmet so that he can get a closer look, and smirked a second later. To the common eye, Kain would abruptly disappear. However, to a keen eye, Kain could be see dashing across the water so fast that he wasn't even breaking the surface tension, and then jumping to the top of the airship in the distance.

"That's one hell of a large airship," Seifer commented. The Director's jaw dropped in disbelief.

Director: That's…that's the Invincible! But that's the slowest ship in the history of Final Fantasy! It was supposed to lose! How…?

OOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" a gruff voice could be heard shouting at the top of his lungs. This was all the warning they got before Cid Highwind crashed down to the ground just in front of the Director, holding his spear point down. The resulting shockwave was enough to upend the table and knock the Director, Seifer, and Rubicante to the ground. "Cid's here baby! Now where's that free beer!?"

Director: *lifts a hand weakly* Somebody…get him…some beer…

Kain appeared just next to Cid, brushing his hands together, hinting that it had been him who had expediting Cid's epic entrance.

Minwu soon appeared holding a cooler full of various refreshments, which he set down on the floor near Cid. Upon opening it, Cid found exactly what he was looking for, popping open a bottle of generic beer and taking a swig from it. "Ah…victory is sweet."

Once the Invincible had docked and extended a ladder, the Warrior of Light was the next off of the ship. The pious warrior walked elegantly over to the Director. "I have come to report, sir."

Director: On time as always, Warrior of Light. If you'll just wait for the rest of them, I can direct you to the locker room so you can get changed.

"As you command." As soon as the Warrior of Light finished speaking, Zack hit the ground face first, cracking the ground in a radius around him. The SOLDIER groaned miserably, picking himself up of the ground and limping towards a chair.

Director: …Zack? What the hell happened to you?

Zack mumbled something incoherent, such that all the director could decipher were the words, "crazy ass pirate bitch." Speaking of the devil, Leila landed gracefully on her feet, a confident smirk on her face. She tipped her hat in greeting to Kain Highwind, who acknowledged her with a nod.

Next were the rambunctious trio: Kamec, Maria, and Yuffie. The first thing Kamec did was walk over to Cid with tears of joy in his eyes. "Just…c'mere man. Give me a hug."

Cid obliged with a laugh, meeting Kamec halfway and accepting the embrace. The Director watched the exchange with an eyebrow raised. Kain saw him looking and shook his head. "Don't ask."

Director: I won't. I'm sure I don't want to know. Anyway, if I can have your attention? Good. So now that you are all here, you must go down to the locker room and get changed, and then stay there while the drawing occurs. You will know when it is your turn to play.

"Yes, we're going to play blitzball!" Kamec cried out in sheer excitement. "This is going to be awesome!"

"I agree! I get to practice my throwing arm!" Yuffie chimed in. The team congregated and followed Rubicante, who was leading them to the locker room. Zack whimpered and limped after them.

Director: ….i think I'm beginning to sprout a few grey hairs. So, who will be next, the Nautilus, or the Enterprise?

Just then, the director happened to look out at the sea, and his eyes bugged out as he saw a massive tsunami heading directly for the city. The tall and dark wall of water hurtled towards him at a breakneck speed. The director realized he didn't have any time to run, and thus he ran over to a nearby metal pole and clamped onto it, hoping that he would be able to remain conscious after the wave hit.

Then, just before the wave reached the city, it split in two and harmlessly traveled around the city. The director opened one eye to see Kraken, the Fiend of Water, hovering in midair, his tentacles splayed out with their tips glowing. With his power, he was protecting the city.

"Goddammit, Cagnazzo is the Fiend of Water!" an irate Barbariccia screamed from somewhere, but no one really cared.

Just as the disaster appeared to have passed, another tsunami came, which was also diverted. The tsunamis kept coming, and eventually the Director stood up, his eye twitching.

Director: What in the hell is going on to cause so many natural disasters?! Wait…what is that?

As the director peered over the horizon, he saw the outline of an airship appear. He realized it was the Enterprise, but that wasn't what caught his eye. He could see powerful white shockwaves appearing from seemingly nothing in midair, which proceeded to disturb the water and create incredible tsunamis. The atmosphere around the airship was also disturbed by the incredible power emanating from the air around the Enterprise. This resulted in thunderous black clouds, intense lightning, gale force winds, and torrential rain. The director had never seen anything like it, not even when Cloud and Sephiroth actually tried to murder one another. He couldn't even see what was causing it.

"Here you go, sir," said a random guy that the authoress decided not to name because she was lazy, and then he handed the director a pair of glasses that would conveniently slow down the perceived speed of what he was looking at. He put them on and looked again.

Director: What the….

Terra let out a feral screech as she soared through the air, weaving through a thick torrent of lime green blasts without getting touched. She crossed her pink arms, glaring at the Legendary Super Saiyan that opposed her. Then, hundreds of holy orbs formed in front of her and hurtled forward, some colliding with Broly's blasts and others moving on to impact with the Saiyan's massive body. Broly's white eyes narrowed, and he let out a roar, disappearing from the Director's view for a split second, before appearing directly behind Terra and hammering his colossal fist right into her back. Terra screamed and hurtled through the air towards the sea, only for Broly to appear in her path, his fists flying towards her.

Terra managed to recover just in time, halting her momentum and blocking Broly's fist with her open palm. She retaliated with a powerful Ultima spell that engulfed Broly for a few seconds, bombarding him with deadly magical power.

Broly cast off the Ultima like it was nothing, but Terra was already moving. Her hands were flat, her claws facing in the same direction. Terra unleashed a vicious onslaught of slashes and stabs with her claws, each one of them going past Broly's guard and cutting into his skin.

"RAAAH!" Broly shouted, and then blasted Terra back with an invisible kiai to give him some breathing room. He fired an eraser cannon after her, but she deflected it again and shot towards him like a bullet. However, Broly was waiting for her. He held out his arm and hit her with a skilled clothesline, but he didn't stop there.

He kept his momentum rolling forward, so that Terra slipped under his arm. Broly grabbed onto her face and shot towards the stormy sea, bringing her down and grinding her against the water at a speed where even the waves would cut. Then, he lifted her up and let her hand for a second before slamming his fist directly into her, knocking her flying.

Director: Just…what…I don't….what?

Sitting by the director was Seifer, Irvine, Selphie, Squall, Tidus, Jecht, Kain, Cid, and Barbariccia. All of them had popcorn and were placing bets, except for Squall, who was turning up his nose at such "frivolous activities," while Jecht kept calling him a pussy.

"Did…did Broly just use Gigantic Hammer?" Tidus asked tentatively, causing the others to look at him in surprise, and then back at Broly.

"I think he did. Ha! He memorized his own moveset." Seifer remarked. The director was not amused.

Director: Hey! You all! Stop sitting on your ass and actually do something about this!

"Ugh, do we have to?" Irvine complained. The look the director gave them was thunderous.

Director: If it weren't for Kraken, this city would be dead by now. Now, if you don't stop them, I'm docking everyone's pay…except for you, Kain. You can do what you want.

Kain nodded smugly, while everyone else grumbled and groaned. Irvine produced a sniper rifle and laid down on the ground, taking aim at Broly. Then a loud retort was heard as he squeezed the trigger.

The bullet bounced off of Broly, who turned his head with a growl to look.

"Fuck it, he knows we're here now. CHARGE!" Seifer commanded. No one moved. "COME ON! I'm the captain, sorceress' knight, whatever."

"Calling yourself a captain is a joke," Xu popped up out of nowhere just to say, before disappearing again. A vein twitched in Seifer's head.

"FUCK YOU XU!"

While he was arguing, Barbariccia had taken off, propelling herself at an incredible speed towards Broly, winds circling around her. Tidus and Jecht soared through the air after her, each of them arguing over who was flying more stylishly.

"Wait, how are they even flying?" Irvine asked.

"Sphere grid," Yuna answered, who was right nearby.

"…of course….freaking sphere grid does everything." He complained, but then he was knocked through the wall by Yuna's staff, who had gotten so powerful because she had gone through Auron's sphere grid like a cheating bastard.

Barbariccia let loose a veritable gale of yellowish wind, which formed tornados that rotated at a speed fast enough to shred skin. Broly stood still for a moment and then he blasted the winds away with a kiai, and then slammed his fist into Barbariccia's face, propelling her through the air. He sent an eraser cannon after her, which collided with her, knocking her out and sending her smoking figure hurtling to the ocean.

Tidus and Jecht reached him at the same time, unleashing a series of slashes and cuts from their respective swords. However, Broly just stood there and dodged around all of their attacks, and then he blasted Jecht away into the ocean with beam of ki. Tidus watched him go and cried out.

"Dammit, no! Take this! BLITZ ACE!" he roared, and then allowed his sword to hover in the air. He propelled himself off of the pommel of his sword, flying even higher than Broly. From the ocean, a battered Jecht pulled himself onto the docks and hurled a blitzball high into the air. Tidus grinned and executed an awesome looking backflip, and then he kicked the blitzball down towards Broly.

…who promptly caught it in one hand. Tidus righted himself and then blinked in shock. "Wait…what?" Broly then crushed the ball in his fist. "Well…that worked better in my head." A vicious haymaker then sent Tidus into the crashing waves, where Geosgaeno appeared from fucking nowhere and starting trying to eat him.

Seifer, Squall, and Cid attacked Broly next. Seifer went in for close quarter combat, swinging Hyperion at Broly and pulling the trigger with each strike. Cid joined him, stabbing furiously with his spear at Broly's unprotected back. Squall stood back and summoned avihS…I mean Shiva, and she used Diamond Dust.

While all of this was going on, the Enterprise was moving into dock. On the deck, Terraform was watching the fight in awe and admiration, her affections having seemingly turned to Broly. She had also taken out a boombox, which was now blasting Stratovarius' Phoenix, which she had proclaimed to be his theme song.

_Like the phoenix, I rise. _

Broly broke free from Cid and Seifer's onslaught and sucker punched Shiva hard, and then promptly pulverized her with powerful kicks and punches. He then whirled around to face Seifer and Cid, who were charging at him.

_Leaving the lies behind._

Broly shot his arms out and dashed forward, clotheslining the both of them. He knocked the both of them out with a flurry of punches and ki blasts that were executed way too fast for the two of them to follow. Then, the Legendary Super Saiyan turned to face Squall, who was the only one left.

_The future's golden for me,_

"I'll put you to rest now," Broly said in an oddly calm voice, a small orb of ki forming in his right hand. Squall's eyes widened, but before he could do anything, Broly launched the orb at him. Only a second later, the orb expanded to immense proportions, dwarfing Squall in size. The SeeD tried to hold it back, but Broly added more and more power to the orb until it detonated, engulfing Squall and knocking him to the ground, burnt and blackened. "My ki is rising…I am invincible!" Broly proclaimed triumphantly.

_there is no one who can stop me now!_

Director: So, what, is all of this just a massive fangirl moment for the authoress?

Kerrigor: Actually, I put it in because Terraform is practically having an orgasm in her pants up there on the deck.

Director: ….huh.

Then, a shockwave made from magical power impacted with Broly's back, leaving a black scorch mark. Broly growled and turned to see Terra, who was hurt, but still ready to fight. "I'll finish you…" Terra managed to get out. Broly smirked, and then the two charged towards one another.

Suddenly, an armored figure appeared between the both of them, and then proceeded to block Terra's claws with one arm and Broly's fists with the other, without expending any effort whatsoever.

"That's quite enough," Kain Highwind commented. His presence caused Terra to back away in fear. "Both of you power down, or you won't like what happens."

"That sounds like a challenge to me," Broly observed, grinning viciously, charging up an eraser cannon. Kain smirked, and then suddenly his spear was out, and no one had even seen him move or even draw his weapon.

Broly cried out in pain as millions of precise cuts and gashes opened all around his body. Each one had been inflicted by Kain's spear at a speed faster than instant transmission. How is that possible? Because it's Kain fucking Highwind. That's how. Each attack had effortlessly gone through Broly's guard to inflict damage. "I said…power down." Kain said once more. Terra had already dropped into her human form, as she had known better.

"Just do it, Broly. He wasn't even trying a moment ago," Terra advised the Saiyan, who growled in frustration and powered down, his muscles returning to their normal width and his hair returning to its normal black color.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the crew of the Enterprise stood on the docks, as well as the others who had been injured in the fight, including Terra and Broly. They had all been healed fully by Kain Highwind because he is godly sexy awesome and has godly sexy awesome powers.<p>

Tifa was also sober and dressed again, with no hangover because Kain is awesome and knows how badly the plot needs to be advanced. Riku, Jenova, Tifa, Terraform, and Terra were then directed towards the locker rooms, courtesy of a healed Barbariccia.

Back on the enterprise, a lone, squished college student and his Neos lay there forgotten. A shaking hand rose. "I'm still here…does anyone care? No? Okay…"

Director: That just leaves the Nautilus. You know, that was supposed to be the fastest ship. So…how did they end up coming in last place? I swear to Tanner, if they get here and the Emperor is fighting Freeza, I'm docking Tanner's pay.

"I'm…not on your payroll…"

Director: Shut up Tanner. The Nautilus is coming.

Indeed, the Nautilus rounded the horizon and shot towards Luca at top speed, reaching there in a matter of minutes. At that speed, they should have been here from the hotel in an hour or two. The Director was confused.

Once the ship had docked, the Director stood just beside and underneath it, waiting expectantly.

"Catch," Fang could be heard saying in a bored voice, and then Aerith was fucking catapulted off of the ship like the Trojan Rabbit.

Director: JESUS!

The Director sprinted over to Aerith and caught her just before she hit the ground. Aerith was unconscious, though the Director couldn't see any signs of injury.

Director: What's wrong with her, Fang?

Fang didn't answer at first, because he took the time to vault over the side of the ship and land on the ground, forgoing the rope ladder. "Oh, her? She fucked herself unconscious."

Director: What? Is that even a thing? Never mind. Just tell me how the hell you were so slow, the Invincible beat you here.

Fang's eye twitched as he answered. "Maybe it's because we were chased by every single fucking Weapon on the face of the PLANET! Once I find out who's behind that, I'm going to castrate him in his sleep with a rusty spoon!"

The Emperor materialized down on the dock next to Fang, wearing his purple and black robes, his hair shining silver in the sun. "Perhaps we can get this over with. I await the screening of the Dissidia series."

"Nobody cares, you flamboyant fuck," Fang snapped, causing the Director to wince as the Emperor regarded Fang coolly, no doubt planning some horrible twisted demise for him later. "It's time to go and play some sports, right?"

Director: Correct. I believe Scarmiglione can guide you to the locker rooms where you can get changed and get ready for the games.

The Director indicated the long dead corpse that was Scarmiglione's ultimate form, and the fiend gave a low hiss. Garland then landed next to the Emperor with a crash, followed by Tiamat and Cagnazzo. A very traumatized Cecil hit the ground face down a few seconds later, in his dark knight form.

Now that all of the team had gathered, Scarmiglione guided them to the locker rooms.

Director: There, that's all of the teams. Let's just hope this doesn't turn into a disaster…which it nearly did because the authoress decided to put in the fucking Legendary Super Saiyan! Geez, Bleach, Fairy Tail, and now Dragon Ball Z. What will she think of next?

* * *

><p>The day of the tournament had arrived at last. The tickets for the event had sold out almost immediately, causing the event coordinators to quickly make more and delegate more seats to be used. Soon, the stadium was filled to the brim with people from all over the world, both from Final Fantasies I-XIII and the real world. One could see everything from Moogles to Bangaas occupying the seats.<p>

There was an air of anticipation as the time of the event drew closer. Specially appointed men and women roamed through the stadium, offering drinks and other refreshments to the spectators. Up at the top of the stadium, closest to the giant sphere of water that was the blitzball field, there was a VIP box, where the other members of the main Final Fantasy cast would sit and watch the game. Inside, Seifer, Zell, Yuna, Jecht, and Tidus were sitting in the front of the box, each of them holding various soft drinks and snacks. Everyone was anxious for the tournament to begin.

On a stone ledge, just beneath the scoreboard, the young college student with his Neos strutted up to the edge, holding a microphone in his hand. He clicked it on, and the entire stadium grew quiet as they heard the feedback from the speakers. "Testing…" the student said softly, and when he heard his voice echo through the stadium, he continued. "Hello, hello, Luca! Are you ready to see the most intense display of blitzball in history?!" The confirming roar from the crowd was loud enough to be heard even as far away as Kilika.

"All right then! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Tanner Noonegivesashit, but you can all just call me God! I will be your announcer today!" the student continued, the crowd continuing to cheer. "Welcome to the Ultimate Final Fantasy Blitzball Tournament! I'm sure you're all looking forward to seeing your favorite Final Fantasy characters star in what is sure to be an exciting series of matches!"

The lights turned on in the blitzball sphere as God spoke, revealing the goals and the main central field. There was a small ring in the exact center of the giant sphere, upon which was the blue and white blitzball, ready to be launched.

"Allow me to announce the participating teams! The first team is our very own Luca Goers! Show me how much we all love those jackasses from the game!" God announced. There was complete silence from the stadium. "Exactly! You guys know what's up."

"I resent that!" Bickson could be heard screaming from the locker rooms, but no one paid him any attention because he is a jackass.

On the scoreboard, A set of tournament brackets appeared, followed by a list of participants, where the logo of a wave appeared, indicating the Luca Goers.

"Next on the scoreboard are the Girls from Hell! I'm going to call out their team members one by one, so join me in helping them feel loved!" God declared. The logo of two women with indistinct faces standing back to back and holding Gatling guns appeared underneath the Luca Goers' logo. "First off we have Tifa Lockhart!"

The amount of male cheers, whistles, and other assorted noises was truly deafening as Tifa walked out onto the locker room balcony wearing a hot black bikini. She curtsied politely, and then walked back inside.

"Next, we have Rikku!"

While not nearly as loud, a large amount of men and some women cheered enthusiastically for the spunky Al'Bhed, who was walking out onto the balcony wearing a pale yellow bikini. Rikku did a skilled series of flips before walking back inside.

"Terra Branford!"

The cheering ensued as Terra walked outside in a red bikini, but she only showed skin for a moment before she transformed into her Esper form, which released so much power that it sent an invisible shockwave throughout the stadium, which was felt as a wall of wind. The amount of cheering actually increased tenfold by that blatant display of power.

"Rydia of Mist!"

There was only a bit of scattered clapping for Rydia until she walked out in her green bikini and everyone remembered who she was. Then the cheering from the men surged into existence with a vengeance.

"JENOVA!"

The stadium was shocked into silence by that declaration, and some people even hid beneath their seats as the blue skinned abomination hovered onto the balcony, completely naked. Of course, it wasn't that appealing to anyone considering the eyeball on her breast, and the tentacles. Or at least, that's what everyone thought.

"Yeah! JENOVA! OH YEAH, YOU SEXY…sexy…I um..whoo…" a single guy in the stadium could be heard screaming, before he trailed off once he realized he was the only one cheering. In the VIP box, everyone was trying to hold Sephiroth down, because he was screaming his mother's name extremely loud and trying to jump into the stadium.

"And lastly, Terraform, a special guest of ours who has been helping in the production of our Final Fantasy games! You may also know her as Refia, from the third game!" God finished, as Terraform pranced onto the balcony wearing a red bikini, like Terra's. Her breasts weren't that well supported, and as such jiggled attractively whenever she moved. "Now, I'll move onto the next team.

"Now, I give you, the Cosmo Canyon Chocobos!" The logo of the team, which consisted of a golden chocobo, appeared beneath the Girls from Hell. "And, as you may expect, the first member is none other than Cid Highwind!"

"HELL YEAH, BABY!" Cid roared, stepping out onto the balcony wearing a black speedo, and nothing else. He flexed his muscles as the girls in the crowd cheered incredibly loudly, his fame soaring higher than even Tifa's.

"Yuffie Kisaragi!"

Yuffie flipped onto the balcony wearing a green bikini, donning a cheeky grin and making a peace sign, reveling in all of the male attention she was receiving from the crowd.

"The Warrior of Light!"

The first Final Fantasy hero that ever existed walked out on stage, wearing full armor. The crowd cheered politely, but he was didn't have the kind of pull that characters like Cid and Tifa had. "I deserve no praise for simply doing my job," the Warrior of Light expressed, but no one heard him.

"Zack Fair!"

The amount of fangirls that screamed as the SOLDIER walked out on stage wearing a black pair of swim trunks and holding an umbrella was simply incredible. The women began to chant his name, causing Zack to grin and hold up his arms reveling in the attention.

"Maria of Fynn!"

Nobody knew who she was because she was a minor character and didn't matter, so all she got in the way of applause was a few polite claps from the men who enjoyed her in a lavender bikini.

"Leila the Pirate Queen!"

Again, nobody really knew who she was either because she was a minor character that didn't matter, but along with the polite clapping, there were also a few people in the stadium who were singing.

"Yar har, fiddle dee dee…"

"Don't give it up, Leila…"

"Lastly, we have Kamec, more commonly known as Ingus!"

Kamec walked outside wearing a set of swim trunks that were emblazoned with the image of Trunks from Dragon Ball because it was punny, and also because he lost a bet with Cid about who was going to win the airship race. He was shocked to hear some females cheering in the crowd, along with quite a few men. He guessed his role as Ingus had gone over pretty well.

"And now, we have our last team, saved for last for no particular reason other than I'm an asshole! The Servants of Chaos!" God cried out, throwing his hands in the air. The logo of the god of Discord himself appeared beneath the Champions of Highwind. "First we have Garland, the God of Discord!"

When Garland walked out onstage, he was still wearing his armor, which surprised no one because no one ever saw his face. He received a decent amount of applause, but he only tolerated it for a minute before walking back inside.

"And now we have Aerith and…oh my," God stopped, watching as a very nude Aerith walked out onto the balcony, causing numerous gallons of blood to be lost from every male nose in the stadium. "Okay, time out. I need to get a picture of this one. Wow, how did she…wow. Okay, okay, moving on. You're gonna want to set parental controls to max for this one, because this is certainly adult only. This girl is like a saint compared to JENOVA, and I'm sure Kamec can tell us all about that."

"GODDAMMIT!" Kamec could be heard screaming.

"Cecil Harvey!"

Cecil walked out onto the balcony in his paladin form, wearing a set of white swim trunks. He waited for the applause with baited breath, and when he received it, he sighed in visible relief.

"Cagnazzo, the Fiend of Water!"

The Drowned King walked outside, the Battle of the Four Fiends playing in the background as he did so. He was in human form, in the shape of the late king of Baron.

"Emperor Mateus!" there was a moment as God had to stop as he was being electrocuted by a powerful lightning rune. "There is only one person fit to rule, and it is he!" he finally managed to get out, and the electrocution stopped.

The fangirls screamed so loud, they dwarfed the amount of Tifa fanboys as the Emperor glided out onstage wearing a set of very elegant swim clothing. The fires of hell erupted from the ground near him, creating an epic looking fiery backdrop behind the Emperor as the fangirls took pictures of him in various poses.

"Lastly, we have Fang, otherwise known as Arc!"

Unlike the others, the door to the locker room broke open, along with half of the wall as Fang entered riding on X-ATM092, also known as the Black Widow. Biggs and Wedge were there as well, having implemented powerful speakers into their armor for use with the guitar that Fang held with which he was playing Stratovarius' Dreamweaver.

Director: All right…I swear…

"Shut up director, nobody cares! And I can say that, since I'm not on his payroll! Hahaha, suck it!" God cut across the director before he could finish speaker, earning laughter from the audience. "Now that the teams have all been announced, it's time to decide the brackets! The match-ups will be decided randomly through a random number generator, and therefore are ready to be announced…right now!"

The audience waited with baited breath as the spots beneath each bracket position became to cycle through each team logo at an incredible pace. They began to get slower and slower, until every team name had a position. God looked at the scoreboard, and grinned to himself.

"Looks like the first match will be the Servants of Chaos versus…the Luca Goers!" he announced, and then the scoreboard changed to an actual scoreboard, with the logos for each team set across from one another, with a large 0 beneath each one.

SoC: 0 LG: 0

"Let me hear it as the teams enter the stadium!" God declared, and the crowd erupted into cheers. On either side of the sphere of water, a door opened, and a path way extended from the door all the way to the sphere, and the teams began to walk out.

For the Goers, Bickson and Abus walked out first, as they were the forwards . Graav came next, as the mid-fielder. Then, Doram and Balgerda, the defenders, came out of their locker room. Raudy, the goalie, was the last to leave. They all walked with confidence and poise. The way Bickson was smirking, it seemed like he felt he was going to win no matter what.

For the Servants of Chaos, Fang and Garland were the first out, being the right and left forwards, respectively. Fang raised an eyebrow at his fellow forward, wondering if he was going to play the game in his armor. Garland made no signs of leaving to change, so he assumed that this would be the case. As the midfielder, Cagnazzo followed them, still in human form. Then came Emperor Mateus and Cecil, the defenders. Lastly, Aerith, who was now actually wearing a pink bikini due to Garland's behind the scenes coercion, followed behind them as the designated goalie.

"Players, you may now enter the sphere!" God called down to them. Fang stepped towards the sphere of water and pressed himself against the surface. He found it easy to enter, and it was only once the surface had closed around him did he start to wonder how he was going to breathe. When Garland entered as well, the knight rammed an elbow into Fang's stomach, knocking the wind out of him and forcing him to breathe in.

Fang blinked, finding that he could breathe. How was he able to breathe underwater? After a few seconds of bewilderment he shrugged and decided not to question it. Then he noticed that Garland was ahead of him, which caused Fang to swim skillfully up to his position on the rightmost side of the sphere, a good distance away from the edge.

The rest of the players entered the sphere of water, swimming up to their assigned positions in an orderly fashion. Each team was arranged in a formation similar to how a five looks on a dice. The two forwards on each team floated closest to the middle of the field, which was marked by a glowing orange line. Fang faced Abus, who was a strong looking black man who was the Goers' right forward. Garland faced a sneering Bickson, who was widely regarded as one of the best players in Spira.

The defenders of each team were positioned parallel to the forwards, only closer to their respective goals. Cecil and Mateus took their positions behind Fang and Garland, respectively, while Doram and Balgerda swam behind Abus and Bickson.

The midfielders were, true to their name, smack dab in the center of their formation. Graav and Cagnazzo glared at one another from their positions, knowing that they would no doubt be clashing with one another for the blitzball.

The goalies, Raudy and Aerith, took their positions by the goals. With that, every player was in place, and the game was ready to begin.

"Looks like we're ready to begin, everyone! Are you ready to see some pure blitzball skill in action?!" God asked, thrusting his fist into the air. The crowd roared enthusiastically in response. "Good! Then let the game begin!"

A hatch opened at the very bottom of the stadium, beneath the sphere. From within, a metal contraption rose up towards the water. In a small ring, the blitzball rested, ready to be propelled into the game. The contraption edged into the water, and the ring that held the blitzball began to spin rapidly.

"1!"

"2!"

"3!"

"BLITZ-OFF!" God shouted, and the game officially began. The blitzball shot up towards the dead center of the ring. Graav and Cagnazzo immediately shot forward in the water, their hands reaching out for the ball while their feet propelled them forward.

Fang swam as fast as he could past the center line and towards Abus, moving to block the forward from receiving any passes. Fang knew that the rules allowed practically any kind of violence, so when a malicious glint appeared in Abus' eyes, he was prepared.

Garland moved towards Bickson, while Mateus and Cecil waited patiently.

Graav reached his hand out for the ball. However, just before his hand could clamp down on it, a powerful current of water propelled him away. The brown haired forward opened his mouth in a soundless cry of anguish as the ball escaped him. Cagnazzo, who was grinning smugly, effortlessly plucked the blitzball out of the water and swam upwards, looking around for a teammate to pass to.

Fang waved his arms, indicating that he was open, but then a black fist slammed into his jaw, snapping his head back. Fang cried out soundlessly, nursing the point of impact, and glared accusingly at Abus, whose teeth were bared in a vicious snarl. The two lunged at one another, and they began to grapple through the water.

Bickson made a beeline for Cagnazzo. The fiend saw him coming, and easily avoided the vicious flurry of punches and kicks the forward sent at him. In retaliation, Cagnazzo slammed his forehead into Bickson's face, causing the redhead to recoil for a moment. That moment was all Cagnazzo needed. The fiend noted that Fang was unavailable, so he hurled the blitzball through the water towards Garland, who caught it easily.

The knight swam swiftly towards the enemy field, avoiding Graav narrowly on the way, right before he found himself confronted by both Doram and Balgerda, who looked none too keen on letting him pass.

Fang knew he was outmatched by the larger man, and even as he found himself in Abus's iron grip, he searched frantically for a way back into the game. The dark skinned man slowly crushed Fang against his chest, his arms wrapped around the muse's in a bear hug.

Fang had very little room to move, and his vision was beginning to narrow. He had to do something now. He moved his head with extreme difficulty, and the first thing he saw was Abus's neck. Fang grimaced at the thought of what he was going to do, and then he bit down hard into the larger man's skin. Abus opened his mouth in a soundless cry of pain and rage, but didn't let go. Fang applied more and more force, and soon he felt skin splitting beneath his teeth.

Abus released him frantically, throwing Fang away from him. A cloud of dark red could be seen just before he clamped a hand to his neck, stopping the flow.

Fang hurtled through the water before he finally came to a stop just in front of a very startled Graav. Just as the midfielder moved to attack Fang, something snapped in the muse.

Fang brought up his knee, slamming it cleanly into the fold of Graav's legs. Anyone could hear the squeal of pain from the midfielder, even underwater. Then, the muse grabbed Graav's face and swam forward with him, all the way towards the Goers' side of the field. At last, Fang felt Graav collide with something, which just happened to be the enemy defender, Balgerda.

Garland saw an opportunity and ducked under an attack from Doram before throwing the ball back across the field to Cagnazzo, who had to push Bickson out of the way to catch it.

Cagnazzo used his affinity with water to avoid both Bickson and a very angry Abus from taking the ball, but soon the two forwards began to surround him.

Garland brought up his hand, and a glowing orb of magic appeared there. That orb split into five different streams which shot through the water, colliding with both Bickson and Abus, knocking them away long enough for Cagnazzo to pass the ball across the field to Fang.

When Doram moved to intercept the ball, Garland grabbed the woman's collarbone and dragged her back. Then, he viciously planted his armored fist into the small of her back. A loud crack could be heard, and Doram went limp. Garland gazed at her for a second, and then callously tossed her aside.

"It looks like Doram has taken quite a nasty hit from Garland there! He's certainly no gentleman, that's for damn sure!" God remarked as the forward fell out of the sphere of water. At the bottom, Yuna, Minwu, and Selphie were there, who began tending to the injured Doram with curaga spells.

Fang weaved through the water, but then found himself blocked by Balgerda. Just as the last defender moved to strike him, a current of water yanked her away from Fang, who decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and zoom forward.

Raudy glared at Fang, who was coming in hard with ball in hand. Fang grinned, and then executed a clever feint that had the goalie going the completely wrong direction, and as such was unable to stop the ball from soaring through the hoop.

SoC: 1 LG: 0

"Fang scores the first goal of the game! The Luca Goers don't seem to be doing very well, having already lost one of their players. Can they last through the first half, or will the Servants of Chaos continue to impress?" God declared, working the crowd with his amazing announcing skills. "And now, BLITZ-OFF!"

As the Servants of Chaos had scored in the last run, the ball was shot into the sphere angled slightly towards Graav, who easily caught it. Surprising everyone, the midfielder, punched Cagnazzo hard in the face when he went to steal the ball, knocking the fiend back. Graav then soared past him and passed the ball to Bickson the second he judged Garland to be getting to close.

Bickson had soared past Garland, and as such easily caught the ball and swam towards the goal. Cecil moved to block him, switching into his dark knight form and hurling bolts of darkness at the forward to halt his advance. Bickson had never seen anything like it, and as such was unable to dodge the bolts. His face contorted into an expression of pain, and he curled up instinctively, protecting the ball with his body.

When Cecil moved to claim the ball, Bickson recovered and rammed his shoulder into the dark knight, winding him. A vicious haymaker knocked Cecil aside and allowed Bickson to swim past.

Bickson soon reached a spot that he deemed to be suitable, and then he tossed the ball up. Then the forward executed a skilled backflip and slammed his feet into the ball, causing it to soar forward towards Aerith.

Of course, what was Aerith to do, considering she's been portrayed thus far as a loose girl whose only skill was sex. That being said, no one expected what happened next.

Aerith's eyes narrowed, and then the Princess Guard appeared in her hands. A Red Materia glowed from within the staff, and then a massive crimson archaic circle appeared. From the center emerged the flaming avatar of Ifrit, who gave a feral roar and brought forward its flaming fist to deflect the ball, sending it streaking back towards Bickson at a speed faster than he could see. Bickson felt the air rush out of him, even as his hands moved forwards to instinctively clasp the ball that had slammed into his stomach.

Bickson sailed backwards even as Ifrit disappeared. The skilled forward managed to recover, but when he moved to try and swim forward, he found the Emperor floating elegantly in the water just in front of him. Bickson tried to move around, but Mateus grabbed him by the neck and crushed the breath out of him, until the redhead's grip loosened enough for the Emperor to steal the ball from him.

The ball passed from Mateus to Cagnazzo, and then from Cagnazzo to Garland, who passed through the hole in the Goers' formation left by Doram and moved towards the goal.

Balgerda moved to intercept the knight, swinging her fist wildly. Of course, she was forcibly reminded of how much punching metal hurts when her fist impacted Garland's armor. While she nursed her fist, Garland threw the ball, and then propelled it even faster through the water with a blast of magic.

Raudy saw the ball coming and caught it, but then he realized how much momentum the ball still had as ball and goalie sailed through the goal.

SoC: 2 LG: 0

"Seems to me like the champions aren't doing so hot! Though perhaps that's to be expected considering their lack of magical powers to help them win," God remarked as the board changed to reflect the new score.

"They're cheating!" Doram complained from her position on the bottom of the stadium. Unfortunately for her, God heard her.

"Cheating? I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I was sure that the rulebook said that once in the ring, and I quote, 'anything goes.' To me, that sounds like the words of a sore loser." God pointed out. Doram opened her mouth to protest, but then realized it would be rather pointless to argue, considering the rulebook said, "anything."

The ball shot up into the sphere again, and was again grabbed by Graav thanks to the handicap. The midfielder was demoralized, considering how hard they were being destroyed just in the first half. Doram was down, and that left a sizeable hole in their defense that could easily be exploited. Both forwards were injured to some extent and Balgerda had probably broken her hand. This was really bad for them.

Before Graav could even think about passing, Cagnazzo had already stolen the ball by entrapping the midfielder in a whirlpool, and had passed it off to Fang.

Fang was quickly confronted by Abus, who looked all to eager to exact revenge for his neck. Fang feinted to the left and then tried to move around the dark skinned man. Fang had just managed to pass Abus when the larger man turned around and grabbed Fang by his collarbone, dragging him back and then punching him hard in the back of the head. Fang saw stars as pain lanced through his skull, and then he almost blacked out from a second hit. He wasn't sure he would be able to take a third.

Right as Abus brought his fist back for another hit, a bolt of pure energy lanced through the water and struck the forward in the back. Energy exploded upon impact and engulfed Abus, causing him to writhe in pain, releasing Fang in the process. Thankfully, Fang didn't have to go far, as Garland had reached him. Fang weakly passed him the ball and then waited for the pain in his head to subside. He did, however, look to find his savior.

Emperor Mateus smirked from his position few meters away from the goal, his finger outstretched and smoking. Then, the Emperor lifted his staff, which glowed gently, and then a powerful Curaga engulfed Fang, completely healing his wounds and restoring his fatigue. Fang was shocked by this expression of goodwill. It seemed like the Emperor really wanted to win the game, even if it meant ignoring their rivalry.

Balgerda tried her best, but with her injured hand, there was no way for her to really stop the armored knight from stampeding past her and easily scoring another goal, breaking Raudy's hand when he tried to stop the ball.

SoC: 3 LG: 0

"This is almost painful to watch, everyone. It seems to me like the only member of the Goers who can still play at their best is Graav! Hang in there until half-time!" God remarked. "Right now it looks like the most valuable player for the Servant's of Chaos happens to be Garland, considering two of the three goals scored thus far were thanks to him."

The two teams took formation again. At this point, every single member of the Goers was hurt. Doram was still out with a broken spine, Balgerda and Raudy had fractured their hands, and Bickson and Abus were aching from a combination of smaller injuries.

Fang watched Abus warily, noting that the forward seemed almost desperate. If that was the case Fang knew that it would be suicide to try and handle him alone. That being said, once Graav grabbed ahold of the ball once again, Fang swam away from Abus, heading directly for Graav instead.

Graav yelped and ducked underneath Cagnazzo's fist, and then tried to swim farther away, only to find himself ensnared in a vicious current. As Graav was yanked back towards Cagnazzo, he acted. He wasn't going to be screwed over by the same technique twice. Graav rotated his body so that he was facing the fiend, and then he made himself as straight as an arrow, his arms clasped to his sides and his feet straight out. This position in combination with the current caused Graav to accelerate to an incredible speed.

Cagnazzo realized too late what the midfielder was doing. A second later, Graav's body barreled headfirst into the fiend's middle, winding him and causing him to careen backwards through the water.

"Oh, would you look at that! That was a daring move from Graav there! Is it time for the Goers to make a comeback?" God continued to add his commentary, while the crowd watched with bated breath.

Graav pitched the ball hard towards Bickson, who had soared around Garland and towards the two defenders. When Fang moved to intercept, Abus blocked him. Fang growled in frustration, but then let out a cry as the darker man punched him hard in the stomach, causing him to double over. Abus wasn't finished. The forward had clearly lost his temper, unleashing a flurry of punches that slammed into various portions of Fang's body. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do, as the Emperor was coordinating with Cecil to block Bickson from moving towards Aerith.

Bickson did a remarkable job of keeping himself together as energy bolts perforated the water around him. He twisted his body almost like an eel to avoid them. However, this became harder once he met with Cecil, who turned to his Paladin form and attacked him.

Cecil and Bickson began punching and kicking at one another, though it was clear that Cecil was much stronger, having once faced off against Zeromus and winning multiple times.

Their fight became pointless when the water began to twist and turn around them, almost like a whirlpool. It wasn't Cagnazzo, but instead the Emperor, whose hand was outstretched. It wasn't a whirlpool per se, but actually an intense underwater tornado.

Both Cecil and Bickson were tossed around violently, but Cecil recovered quickly and retreated with the ball, which Bickson had dropped.

"As much as I hate to interrupt this vicious melee, I have to call half time!" God interrupted, and the lighting in the arena turned orange, letting the players know to back off and head to the bottom of the stadium.

Abus grabbed Fang by the neck and then kicked him out of the stadium, landing on the ground hard near where Doram was being treated. Then the darker man followed, landing next to Doram. Abus knelt down beside her to see how she was doing.

Garland dropped down beside Fang, who was trying to catch his breath without letting anyone know he was hurt. The Emperor, Cecil, and Aerith soon joined them.

When Minwu and Selphie moved to treat Fang, the Emperor halted them with a wall of magic that nearly annihilated them. "We have no need of your assistance. We can take care of our teammates," he sneered.

"But…but…Selphie…she's…" Fang complained weakly, but the Emperor ignored him, instead nodding at Aerith, who began to heal the downed muse. Fang watched Selphie walk away from him with a pained expression on his face. "You asshole."

When Fang was fully healed, he leapt to his feet and stretched himself out. He glared at Abus, inwardlt cursing himself for being unable to defend himself. Then, he remembered something. That God guy had said to Doram that anything goes. That means he didn't have to hold back. And neither did any of them.

"Everyone…let's show these posers what we can do. Let's go all out. All of us," Fang expressed to the other members of his team. He knew that he was being a bit presumptuous, considering he was giving orders to people far above him in power status. However, his suggestion was met with a small smile from the Emperor and a nod from Garland. Cagnazzo seemed to agree as well, as did Aerith.

Once the Luca Goers were all healed, the teams took their places just outside the ring again. Doram's spine was back in place, so she rejoined her team. Raudy and Balgerda's hands were healed, as was the wound on Abus's neck. They were at full strength again, but even that would be nothing compared to what the Servants of Chaos planned to show off.

"Half time is over, everyone! The teams now enter the ring, ready for round two. Will the Goers make up for their lost lead? Or will it be a complete shutdown? Watch and see!" God announced, and then the sphere was lit with a light blue light once more.

The teams took up their formation once again inside the sphere. Fang grinned at Abus, who raised an eyebrow at the sudden change in demeanor. When the ball shot up again and was caught by Graav, the Servants of Chaos leapt into action.

Fang pumped his right arm, and within his open hand the Ashura blade formed, the weapon unique to those of the Dark Knight job. Abus's eyes widened as Fang shot forward, the Ashura blade outstretched.

Abus brought his hands forward and clapped his palms over the flat of the blade just before the point pierced his chest, barely managing to hold it at bay. Fang growled, forgetting that Abus was stronger than he was. Abus grinned, and then clasped the blade with one hand. With the other, he punched Fang in the face, causing blood to leak from the muse's nose. However, that only made Fang adopt a confident expression. Abus watched in shock as the blood streamed from his nose towards the Ashura blade. The moment the blood touched the black metal, darkness exploded from blade, causing power to literally stream out from Fang's body. As more and more blood touched the blade, an aura of darkness surrounded Fang and empowered him to an extreme extent, to the point where he could easily overpower Abus.

With a soundless roar, Fang knocked Abus's hand away and then brought his sword around and across the dark-skinned man's chest, inflicting a deep gash from his waist to his shoulder. The resulting explosion of darkness and blood sent Abus streamed downwards and out of the blitzball ring.

"Oh! Barely ten seconds into the second half, and already the Goers have lost a player! It looks like the Servants of Chaos are pulling out all the stops!" God remarked.

Graav soared towards Cagnazzo, the midfielder confident in his ability to dodge the fiend. However, the fiend had other ideas.

Cagnazzo suddenly transformed, returning to his true form as that of a demonic beast wearing a thick shell on his back. Graav instantly attempted to halt his momentum, his eyes bugging out.

A portion of the water near him appeared to twist itself into a frothy whip, which cracked over Graav's back, causing the midfielder to shudder in pain. Cagnazzo's massive head tilted to one side, and a toothy grin spread across his face. Suddenly, hundreds of similar whips formed and began striking at Graav repeatedly.

Graav's mouth opened in a soundless cry of pain, and the ball dropped from his hands as the whips bombarded him into unconsciousness.

Bickson acted quickly, swooping underneath Cagnazzo and grabbing the ball. He hurtled towards the goal, but the Emperor blocked his path. Before Bickson's terrified eyes, the Emperor transformed into a monstrous being, his pale skin turning dark and leathery, and his teeth becoming long, sharp, and external. His nails lengthened into claws, which began to spark with powerful energy.

Bickson adopted an expression that clearly said, "fuck that," and immediately swerved around the Emperor, moving towards Aerith.

With an innocent smile on her face, Aerith lifted the Princess Guard, which began to glow a red light. Bickson halted once more and gazed in horror as Bahamut Zero materialized behind her, spreading its six wings and sounding out a roar that could be heard even underwater.

A split second later, the summon's Tera Flare seared through the water, slamming into Bickson, causing him to drop the ball and carrying him back to the Emperor, who grabbed him by the collar and injected his body with hundreds of thousands of volts of electricity.

Both Graav and Bickson, completely unconscious, sunk downwards slowly before finally falling out of the ring.

That left Balgerda and Doram as the only ones guarding the goal. They looked at one another and then at the beasts that opposed them.

Garland headed towards them at a high speed, the ball in his hand. However, as they moved to block him, they noticed that he was already beginning to transform. Unlike the others, the sheer amount of power that they felt emanating from his transformation seemed to crush them.

Garland's body exploded outwards and reformed into the form of the God of Discord, Chaos. The god spread its four arms and roared, and then punched Balgerda so hard, she was pulverized, her stomach rupturing and her ribs disintegrating into powder.

Balgerda hit the ground, somehow still alive. Before she died, however, Yuna helpfully used a Phoenix Down that instantly healed her. How is that possible? The same way the moon keeps coming back in Crisis Core every time Bahamut Fury blows it the fuck up.

Doram, brave as she was, attempted to wrench the ball from one of Chaos's hands, but in vain. Chaos grabbed her in the same hand that held the ball. With both defender and the ball in hand, Chaos's hand slammed into the goal. Doram collided with Raudy, their bones breaking, and they soared through the goal along with the ball before being deposited outside of the ring, along with the rest of their team.

The crowd was completely silent as they gazed in shock at what was probably the most vicious blitzball match in history. God, however, had a different opinion.

"That. Was. AWESOME! That has to be the most incredible display of force I've ever seen! This is probably the first time a blitzball match has ever been ended through elimination of the enemy team! The Servants of Chaos win by default, as the Luca Goers no longer have any team members with which to compete!" God exclaimed happily, throwing his arms up in the air.

The applause exploded throughout the arena as people began to accept what they had just seen. Fang smirked as he descended out of the ring. He glanced around at the pathetic remains of the enemy team, watching as Selphie and the other healers started trying to save their lives.

"Now, we'll be taking a short break while we set up the next match...and of course, administer first aid to the pathetic Luca Goers. After all, did anyone here honestly think that they would win? I mean really?" God remarked. There was silence in the arena. "That's what I thought! Wait...haven't I done that joke already? Screw it, I don't care."

The other members of his team soon joined him, but they didn't stay long. They began to make their way back to the locker rooms to rest and recuperate their magical power. As strong as they were, taking their ultimate forms did take a toll on their magical power, and they needed the rest for the next match. After all, whoever won the next game would definitely be a match for them.

Fang looked back at them, and then back at Selphie. He debated in his head on whether he should follow his team or not, but that only lasted for a split second before he made a beeline towards Selphie.

"Hello there, miss. And how are you doing today?" Fang greeted her somewhat flirtatiously. Selphie looked up from Balgerda, whom she was currently healing. When she saw Fang, she smiled brightly.

"Heya! I'm doing pretty awesome!" she responded happily, although she was completely oblivious to Fang's intentions. "Sorry though, I can't chat just yet. Gotta heal these guys!"

Fang watched her turn away, disappointed. After all, there were so many other healers that could take her place. Why not spend a little time chatting? He sighed and gave up, resolving to try after the tournament. He turned around, and almost ran into Terraform, who was walking up from behind him. She gave him a knowing grin, and then grabbed his hand.

"Uh...Terraform...you're my best...wait what the...?" Fang began awkwardly, but then he felt her press something smooth and hard into his hand. She gave him a wink.

"You can thank me later," she whispered, and then she ran back towards the locker rooms, so that she would be ready for her match. Fang looked down into his hand to see a gently glowing green materia.

"What the...okay...how do I use one of these things?" Fang mused, fumbling with the materia clumsily. Eventually, he figured out that he could fuse it into his body by pressing it against his wrist. Once the materia was fused into his body, he suddenly had the knowledge of powerful cure3 healing spells. Fang suddenly understood. "Terraform, you magnificent son of a bitch. Hey Selphie! Mind if I help out a bit?"

Selphie welcomed his help, and for the rest of the break, the two of them made conversation, getting to know one another.

* * *

><p>A loud chime sounded through the arena, and the scoreboard changed to reflect the scores of the two teams that would be playing next.<p>

GfH: 0 CCC: 0

"Are you ready for round two everyone?! The next match in this incredible tournament will be between the Girls from Hell and the Cosmo Canyon Chocobos!" God declared, earning a loud roar of approval from the crowd. "Players, you may now enter the ring!"

On one side, the Girls from Hell appeared. Rikku and Terra were the first ones out, as they were the forwards. Tifa was next as the midfielder, and JENOVA and Terraform were the defenders. Lastly, Rydia entered as the goalie. Fang, who was sitting in the VIP box now next to Sephiroth (with whom he was sharing popcorn with like a bro) winced as he realized that the girls had a summoner as their goalie, just like Aerith.

On the other side, the Cosmo Canyon Chocobos emerged. Just like everyone that knew him expected, Cid Highwind burst through the doors into the stadium, in the middle of a high jump. "YEAH, WELCOME THE TRIPLE C, MOTHERFUCKERS!" he roared, and then he slammed down into the ring, plunging into the water with a huge splash.

"I figured he would be a forward...Christ..." Fang remarked.

Yuffie was the next one out, being the second forward. Kamec was right behind, having chosen to be the midfielder. Zack and Leila emerged as the defenders, followed by the Warrior of Light.

"I will protect this goal with my life," the Warrior of Light proclaimed just before he entered the ring. Practically everyone that heard him rolled their eyes.

Once all of the players had entered the ring and taken their positions, God once again picked up the microphone. "Well, then everyone, it's time for match numbah two to begin!"

The metal contraption that held the blitzball emerged from the ground and slowly inserted itself into the ring, even as God began counting down.

"1!"

"2!"

"3!"

"BLITZ OFF!"

The arena exploded with cheers and yells as the ball shot up directly in the center of the field, between Tifa and Kamec.

Time seemed to move slowly for Kamec. He looked at Tifa. He really liked her as a character, so he didn't really want to hurt her. He saw the determination in her eyes, though, so he knew that he couldn't hold back. He resolved to apologize to her later, just as the ball appeared in front of him.

Kamec lunged forward and reached for it, only for Tifa to grab his wrist and attempt to grab it herself. Kamec, remembering his training as a Black Belt in the earlier screening of Final Fantasy III, struck back by grabbing her outstretched wrist as well.

Tifa snarled, and briefly released Kamec's hand in order to aim a vicious punch at his head. Kamec dodged to the side, and then grabbed her other hand as well. He dragged her forward and levered his knee into her middle, knocking the breath out of her. Tifa retaliated by bringing up her foot and slamming it into Kamec's side, hurting him enough to release her.

The other players watched, sweatdropping as the two martial artists were beating the crap out of each other, and completely ignoring the blitzball beside them.

That being said, neither of the two noticed when Yuffie swam up to the ball and yoinked it away. With that, the game truly began.

Yuffie hurtled through the water, twisting her body skillfully to increase her speed. She was surprised by the lack of opposition, but then something hit her lightly in the forehead. She briefly stopped and looked at the small object. It was small, round, and looked suspiciously like a grenade. Everyone could see Yuffie slowly mouth the words, "oh shit."

The explosion engulfed the ninja, and the ball soared upwards, where Rikku grabbed it. She gave a cheeky salute in Yuffie's direction, and then she swam towards the enemy goal.

Of course, it wasn't long before Cid got in her way. Rikku halted, trying to find a way around the grinning spearman. She wondered why he wasn't striking at her, but then she noticed Leila coming in for an assault. Rikku's eyes widened, and she ducked underneath Leila's punch. She noticed Cid moving to issue a follow up attack, so she acted first. She flipped backwards and levered both feet into Cid's chin, knocking him up and over her, leaving her way clear.

Yuffie had recovered by now, and she was swimming as fast as she could towards Rikku. The ninja noticed Kamec and Tifa still having a brawl for the ages, and she sighed. She swam by and planted her fist into the small of Tifa's back, giving Kamec enough room to slam both balled hands into her chin and send her hurtling towards her own goal. Kamec was about to thank Yuffie, when he noticed how enraged she looked. The ninja was pointing emphatically towards his goal. Kamec looked to see Rikku heading for the goal. His eyes widened and the two of them shot off like rockets.

Rikku noticed Zack moving to block her. Rikku knew that she couldn't stop, otherwise Leila and Cid would catch her. Acting quickly, she threw another grenade towards Zack. The SOLDIER moved to dodge, but Rikku had decreased the fuse on this one, and as such it exploded almost instantly upon reaching him. Zack managed to shield himself with a Protect spell, but the force was enough to give Rikku the room she needed.

Rikku flipped up and around, slamming both feet into the blitzball. The ball shot towards the goal like a meteor. She and the other players watched it with baited breath, as the only thing between the ball and the goal was the Warrior of Light.

The Warrior suddenly lifed his shield, and a bright white ring of light appeared around him. A second later, a massive ray of light emanated from his shield. The light hit the ball and compeltely halted its momentum, much to Rikku's frustration. The Warrior of Light grabbed the ball and rammed it with his shield, knocking it far enough back so that Zack could grab it.

Rikku moved to recapture the ball, but Leila stopped her with a lance of thunder magic. Zack lifted the ball and then punched it hard.

Kamec snatched the ball skillfully out of the water, and he moved towards the other goal. He resolved to get as far as he could, knowing that if Tifa didn't stop him, Terra would. He hoped that his forwards would be there for him to pass to.

Tifa swam to stop him. she shot out her fist, and a large orb of fire soared through the water towards Kamec. The muse at first looked shocked, and then he grinned, as if to say, "nah, just kidding. I'm not really scared." Then, to Tifa's shock, Kamec backhanded the fireball away. Then, for some reason, the Geomancer hat appeared on his head. Tifa cocked an eyebrow, and then her eyes widened as she recognized it. Kamec clenched his fist, and then a massive spike of ice engulfed her. He pushed her aside, the Tifa-sicle floating away aimlessly.

Yuffie surged ahead of Kamec, which he noticed. He was relieved. He now had someone to pass to in case he was stopped. Which he was. Terra swam in front of him, flames licking up and down her body.

"So...no one's going to question why fire and thunder magic work underwater without any adverse affects? Anyone? Meh, it's magic. No one says they have to follow physics," God commented offhand to the crowd.

Kamec sent another ice spike towards her, but Terra melted it in less than a second with an incredible large explosion of flame. The force from the blast pushed Kamec back, but that was fine. He oriented himself in the water and hurled the ball to Yuffie, who grabbed it easily.

Terraform saw Yuffie coming. She was playing defense in this game, because it was the only role that didn't involve a lot of movement. Despite her incredible laziness, she wasn't going to let Yuffie pass. Terraform cast several protective spells over herself. As soon as she did, Yuffie's shuriken bounced off of her Protect spell. Terraform hurled a bomb fragment at Yuffie, her item specialization from being a Scholar causing the small object to explode with twice the amount of force than normal.

Yuffie flew backwards, but not before tossing the ball back to Kamec, who promptly tossed it to Cid, who had passed Terra. The esper was currently defrosting Tifa.

Cid didn't get very far before JENOVA blocked him, her tentacles shooting towards him. Cid materialized his spear, and almost as if to say "fuck you," he promptly impaled the pale blue monstrosity. Then, he slammed a flame covered fist into the hilt of the spear, sending explosive force through the weapon. JENOVA's body was blasted apart. The crowd gasped as they watched the carnage.

"Hey, what's with that gasping?" God asked. "Don't you know who JENOVA is? Something like that is not even CLOSE to killing her!"

Indeed, the pieces of JENOVA were already converging on one another, fusing together and regnerating. However, Cid had already passed her and was heading for the goal, even as Terraform swam to stop him.

Cid hit the blitzball like a baseball with his spear, sending it flying past Terraform's open hands and towards Rydia...who was already summoning an Eidolon to stop it.

With a roar that pierced even through the water, Titan ripped his way through the interdimensional wall. As the ball neared him, Titan punched the ball extremely hard.

Kamec was the one who grabbed the ball, using the Black Belt's brace ability so that it only knocked the wind out of him, instead of shooting right through him.

The other members of Kamec's team seemed to realize that they weren't going to get past Rydia without defeating Titan first. They converged together and moved to combat the Eidolon.

"Well, would you look at that? It seems like the Cosmo Canyon Chocobos are making a move towards Rydia's summon! I guess you could say they're making an...'Attack on Titan!' Remember to hit the back of its neck, team!" God joked. The sound of groans and laughter could be heard from the audience.

However, the girls saw right through their plan, and moved to block them, sending Terra and Rikku to combat Cid and Yuffie. Kamec saw Tifa making a beeline for him, so he swam backwards towards his own goal, allowing Zack and Leila to protect him from Tifa.

Zack grappled with Tifa in a ferocious struggle, each of them using their materia to bolster their strength, though Zack seemed to have the upper hand because he had abused the fuck out of the materia fusion, and as such had both a STR +99 and a VIT +99 materia equipped.

Cid, as strong as he was, just wasn't a match for Terra. The esper, in her normal form, was strong enough to block a punch from Broly at his full strength. Cid just couldn't compare to that kind of magical power. Terra hit him atop his head with both hands, sending Cid soaring downwards, out of the ring.

Cid easily propelled himself back into the ring, but Terra had already moved to battle Yuffie, who was holding her own against Rikku, as she was keeping the Al'Bhed from setting off anymore grenades.

Zack quickly managed to beat down Tifa, sending the nearly unconscious girl flowing backwards towards her team. Then, while Terra healed Tifa with a curaga, Zack held up his clenched fist, a red materia glowing brightly from his wrist.

Kamec watched the spectacle, grinning. He knew what was happening. He looked at the enemy team, noticing how everyone seemed to be occupied. If he could just get past the defenders, the goal is wide open, because Rydia was using her energy and attention to keep Titan in this dimension. Grinning, he swam stealthily towards the other side.

A massive glyph appeared above Zack's head, and a shining golden dragon with spiked mechanical wings emerged, releasing a roar as it did so. Bahamut Fury surged out of the portal and fired a megaflare towards Titan. The Eidolon's eyes widened, and he moved aside, narrowly dodging the beam.

The megaflare continued forward, eventually leaving the ring and shooting towards the stands. The spectators in the general area of impact panicked and started climbing over one another. Thankfully, before any real damage could be accrued, the megaflare was directed back into the skies by Kain Highwind, who was playing damage control for the whole tournament.

Bahamut Fury and Titan clashed in the upper center of the ring in a vicious melee of talons and fists, every collision sending a shockwave through the water.

Yuffie grunted as Tifa, newly healed, appeared and punched the ninja in the head while she was distracted with Rikku. Then, Tifa and Rikku attacked Yuffie all at once, while Terra moved to join the colossal battle up above, turning into her Esper form.

That being said, no one was more suprised than Rydia when Kamec snuck the ball through the hoop.

"Oh! Would you look at that! The first goal in the game is scored by none other than Kamec in a sneak attack!" God cried out. The crowd erupted in a mixture of boos and cheers. Not everyone was happy with Kamec's sneaky goal. Of course, Kamec didn't give a fuck.

GfH: 0 CCC: 1

The muse floated in front of the goal making over the top poses just to show how awesome he was for making that goal.

Rydia and Zack dismissed their respective summons, and everyone returned to their proper places, preparing for the next blitzoff.

"This is much more intense than our game was," Fang couldn't help but comment.

"Probably because our last game was a complete shut down," Cagnazzo, who was sitting nearby, added. Fang opened his mouth, but then nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>The ball shot up into the ring, angled towards Tifa. The martial artist grabbed it, and immediately brought up a powerful fire spell, deflecting the spikes of ice that Kamec was sending at her. She winked, letting him know that the same thing wouldn't work on her twice.<p>

Kamec winked back, and then suddenly Tifa was caught in a violent whirlpool that spun into existence around her. The whirlpool itself would appear as a large spinning hole on the outside of the ring. It was the intense spinning current that caught Tifa.

"That's just fuckin sick," Fang gasped, his mouth open.

Kamec grabbed the ball that Tifa dropped, and then he noticed Rikku and Terra heading for him. He gulped. Chances are they wanted revenge for his sneaky goal. He turned, noting Cid and Yuffie soaring ahead. He knew he couldn't take on Terra, so he decided to take his chances with Rikku.

The Al'Bhed saw him coming and hurled her last grenade at him. Kamec had plenty of warning, so he used his Focus ability, and then crushed the grenade before it could detonate with a swift punch. Then, Kamec curled up into a ball and slammed his entire body into Rikku in a streak of fire that looked very similar to...

"Did he just rip off Tifa's Burning Arrow?" Fang asked softly.

"He did," Sephiroth replied.

"How did..."

"I don't know."

Rikku gasped in pain and was sent floating away. Kamec seized the moment and pushed past her, only to be met with Terraform.

Terraform, who had been reclining in place and lazing around for a while, finally noticed that she had to do something. She noticed Kamec, and then grinned. She knew she could do something to troll one of her best friends.

Kamec lifted his free hand and made as if to use another Geomancer spell, but then that same hand was frozen in a block of ice. He looked to see Terraform smirking at him, bouncing several Antarctic Winds in her hands. Kamec growled and switched the ball to his other arm, and prepared to fire another spell, but then suddenly the ball was gone. Kamec turned to see JENOVA stealing the ball with her tentacles. She was also moving to attack him with her other tentacles. When he saw that, Kamec froze...and then _he completely snapped._

The ice around Kamec's hand practically evaporated at the heat coming off of his body. Then, with a soundless roar, Kamec summoned a pillar of searing hot lava from underneath JENOVA, engulfing her form. That wasn't enough for him. Then, he lifted his other hand, and storm clouds appeared in the skies above. Lightning bolt after lightning bolt slammed into JENOVA, filling her body with trillions of volts, causing her to convulse.

Then, to everyone's shock, the hand that was now free began to glow with a black light.

"What? I don't remember that spell," Fang questioned.

That same light began to cover his entire body, and Kamec began to rise in altitude. The light continued to grow until it formed a giant dark orb around his body. Mystical glyphs made of purplish black fire surrounded the orb, and Kamec's corneas turned completely black as well.

"Holy hell...he's using Shadowflare!" Luneth gasped. "You know, that ultimate spell Geomancers get, but we never got to see because the RNG are bullshit?"

"NO FUCKIN WAY!" Fang shouted.

Then, several pillars of dark light beamed from the glyphs to the black orb. At last, a massive beam of darkness shot forth. JENOVA stood completely no chance. The beam caught her directly in the middle and carried her clear out of the ring and into the fucking stratosphere, her body disintegrating as it went.

Kain Highwind watched it go. "That shit's OP," he commented offhand, even though he didn't really care either way.

Kamec was left panting in front of a gaping Terraform. He looked up at the sky, and then screamed "FUCK YOU!" so loud that it could be heard through the water.

Of course, Kamec was so drained by that spell, that he didn't even notice that Terraform had stolen the ball and passed it to Tifa.

Tifa, albeit a little shaken from the whirlpool, had recovered enough to continue. She swam towards the goal, blasting Yuffie out of the way with a well-aimed bolt3 and moving through the hole left by Kamec.

However, Zack had used another summon materia, and Ifrit was waiting for her. Tifa would have been shaken if she hadn't planned for this. She twisted under Ifrit's flaming fist and passed the ball to Terra.

Ifrit roared, and then fired his Hellfire blast straight towards her. Terra didn't move. She transformed her Esper form and let out a feral shriek. She dove right through the center of the blast, bisecting it cleanly.

Ifrit saw her coming and brought his fist up to strike her. However, the beast was completely taken by surprise when the Esper grabbed his fist and swung him completely around, sending him flying towards Kamec, who was trying to retrieve the ball.

Terra wasn't finished. She raised her free hand and completely obliterated Ifrit with a potent meltdown spell.

Zack saw the summon disappear with shock. He looked down at the red materia, seeing it drained of energy. "How the hell..." he could be seen mouthing.

Leila moved to block her, bringing up her hand and chanting something into the water. Seconds later, a Level 16 Ultima spell erupted around Terra, sneding anyone nearby hurtling away from the explosion.

"Oh, if they take out Terra, the Chocobos pretty much win this," Fang asserted. Sephiroth nodded in agreement.

"It won't. That pirate is meat," growled another, harsher voice from someone who was sitting behind them. Fang turned, and then yelped when he saw Broly, in his base form, sitting behind him. He quickly composed himself though, and nodded, even though he knew he was in the presence of power strong enough to evaporate an entire galaxy.

Director: Get him the fuck out of this story already...the moment came and passed.

Kerrigor: No, fuck you. I do what I want, bitch! This is MAH STORY!

Director: ...you totally have a thing for him. Don't even try to pin this on Terraform.

Kerrigor: He's crazy! ...unfortunately for us both...I like crazy.

Terra burst out of the explosion, her skin lightly singed. She kicked Leila aside, and then threw the ball towards the goal. Zack lunged at it, but fell just short.

The Warrior of Light faced the ball, determined. His necklace, upon whihc was one of the Crystals, began to shine, magical power welling up from within.

Before he could release any power, Terra appeared in front of him, having sped there faster than the ball. She grabbed his face and slammed the back of his head into the goal hoop, knocking him unconscious. Finally, she moved out of the way, and the ball soared through the hoop.

GfH: 1 CCC: 1

"That brings the score to a tie, everyone! This is one of the greatest matches I've ever seen! Of course, I may have only seen two games, but whatever. The two teams seem to be equally matched!" God roared out.

"BULLSHIT! TERRA'S OP!" Fang yelled out of the booth. God ignored him, however.

"Time for me to call half time! Let all players leave the ring and get some heals if you need them. Then again, I think most of you do."

The players dropped out of the ring, and seconds later Selphie, Yuna, and the other white mages arrived and began tending to their wounds.

"I have to say," Yuffie remarked, leaning on Kamec somewhat flirtatiously. "That last attack you made? Goddamn. That's right up there with Sephiroth's meteor, I'd say."

"Hehe...thanks...my head hurts," Kamec complained, still feeling the effects of expending so much power.

"No kidding. Those Geomancer spells of yours really hurt," Tifa panted. She was sitting on the ground, receiving treatment from Minwu. "I'm starting to respect you a little bit."

"Hey, thanks! I appreciate that," Kamec answered, feeling a little better now that Yuna was beside him, healing him with curaga. "You're not too shabby yourself."

"Anyone else feel like I was a little unimportant in that battle?" Leila asked wryly, but no one paid any attention because she was a minor character that didn't matter.

Zack and Rydia were spending some time getting to know one another, as they now respected the summoning skill of the other.

"That Titan. Wow, I thought Bahamut Fury was going to lose for a while there," Zack remarked.

"Thanks! Bahamut was pretty strong too. Isn't he the one that blows up the moon every time he's summoned?" Rydia asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Zeromus would be pissed." she finished. The two of them then recoiled as an extremely irate Zeromus flew through the air above them.

"ALL OF MY HATE!" he roared, and then disappeared somewhere because continuity is a bitch.

Terraform was cuddling with Terra somewhere exluded from the others. The former was resting against a wall, her arms wrapped around Terra's middle, while the latter rested her head against Terraform's shoulders. It was completely d'aww worthy. No seriously, trust me. It's adorable.

"Why she needs comforting is beyond me. OP bitch," Cid grunted. The man was still bitter about how easily he had been overpowered. It was even worse, considered how much he had been proclaiming his awesomness before the tournament.

Rikku yawned and stretched, being completely healed. She then began to look around, as if searching for something. She cocked her head, confused. "So...are we just going to be missing our second defender?"

Her question was valid. There was no sign of JENOVA. Terraform looked alarmed, as she knew she couldn't hold back the enemy team on her own. She glared at Kamec. "Dammit Kamec! Did you really have to go over the top like that?!"

"OF COURSE I DID! THAT BITCH HAD IT COMING!" Kamec promptly screamed at her. "IF I HAD THE STAMINA I'D HAVE DONE IT THRICE OVER!"

"Geez, calm your shit," Terraform muttered. Kamec continued to glare.

While everyone was conversing amiably with one another, nobody noticed the thin film of blue dust falling from the sky. It settled upon the players and the ground, and yet the grains were too small to be felt or noticed.

The grains of dust on the ground began to move and convene towards a single spot in the center of the field. Kamec absentmindedly scratched his skin as he felt some of the dust moving across his body to join the flow. The blue dust clumped together to form a small blue construct that continued to grow.

"What the fuck?" Rikku finally noticed the growing blue object. Kamec was the second to notice, and he immediately knew what it was.

"Oh son of a bitch..." Kamec muttered, and then he leapt to his feet. He began tossing fireball after fireball at the growing object. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STAY DEAD!"

He delayed the growth, and was probably about to obliterate it again, when Sephiroth burst out of the VIP box and promptly smashed Kamec on the head with the Masamune. "LEAVE MY MOMMY ALONE!"

"Okay, Gohan," Fang groaned, facepalming.

JENOVA, free to grow now, built herself back up. Eventually she finished growing, and was back in her full form.

"Is everyone ready to go? The crowd is ready for round two!" God called down to everyone. Once he saw everyone nodding, he pressed the button, and teh ring lit back up, ready for the players to enter. "Half time is over, everyone! Are you ready for the thrilling conclusion to this pitched battle?" The crowd's roar of approval was his answer.

"Hey, JENOVA? Can I make a small wager with you?" Terraform whispered tentatively as she stood. JENOVA leaned in close to her, in her natural form. This would cause any normal person to flinch away considering how disgusting she is, but Terraform seemed to be fine. "Here's what I'm thinking. Between us, whoever scores a goal first, wins."

"_Interesting. What are you offering?" _was JENOVA's hissing reply.

"My body. If you score before me, then you can do whatever you want to it," Terraform responded confidently. Rikku and Terra, who were nearby, glanced at her in horror and shock. JENOVA just adopted this REALLY freaky smile.

_"And, if you win?" _she asked curiously. Terraform adopted this evil grin.

"If I win, then this is what I want you to do for me..." she leaned in and whispered something into the alien's ear. JENOVA laughed in response.

_"Oh, I like you, human. So delightfully twisted. You have a deal." _the alien agreed. Terraform pumped her fist into the air.

"ALL RIGHT! LET'S DO THIS!" Terraform squealed, and then she was the first one of her team to leap into the ring.

The other players soon followed her, and eventually all of the teams had formed up again, back at their full strength. The contraption holding the blitzball edged into the ring, and then fired the ball upwards as the second half began.

Kamec lunged for the ball. Just as he closed his hand around it, he noticed that Tifa wasn't moving. She was standing in place, her arm raised. Kamec groaned as he noticed a red materia glowing in her arm.

Every single one of the Knights of the Round materialized around him, leaving him no escape route. Arthur lifted Exalibur, his eyes glinting malevolently through his closed visor.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," everyone could see Kamec mouth. Just as the knights attacked, Kamec hurled the ball backwards, towards Yuffie. Then, all of his attention was spent fighting off the relentlessly powerful attacks of the knights.

Yuffie surged through the water, attempting to angle around Rikku, heading for Tifa instead. Since the martial artist was busy keeping her summon in play, she was wide open for Yuffie's assault. She lifted her arm, and a yellow materia glowed there. Then, a triangle shaped prism of light formed around Tifa, closing in on her and dealing incredible amounts of energy-based damage. Tifa soundlessly screamed, losing her concentration. The Knights of the Round faded from view, leaving Kamec free.

Rikku zoomed towards Yuffie, but she wasn't able to get far before Terraform grabbed her by the shoulder and used her as leverage to head for Yuffie herself.

Yuffie turned, only to find Terraform in front of her. Yuffie looked confused at facing a defender so far away from the goal. Her hesitation gave Terraform enough time to blast her with a Firaga spell. Terraform stole the ball and swam away from Yuffie, towards the goal.

Kamec intercepted her, his hands glowing with magical power. She attempted to move around him, but he sent waves of scorching magma at her. Terraform formed a shield of frigid ice, and the two powers canceled out. Next, Kamec formed a wall of ice and sent it her way, only for her to melt it with firaga spells.

This pattern continued back and forth, which one of them sending out a spell, and the other canceling it out. It would have continued longer, but then Terraform noticed Yuffie and Cid coming for her.

Kamec's eyes widened as a massive fucking meteor from nowhere descended from the skies and slammed into his body, exploding violently. Terraform smiled cheekily and swam along, knocking Yuffie away again with a Thundaga.

Cid managed to take Terraform by surprise by slamming the butt of his spear into her chin. She reflexively let go of the ball to hold her chin, allowing a smug Cid to grab it and move back towards the other side, only to meet with two Terras.

Cid stopped, confused out of his mind. Two Terras? That means one of them had to be...JENOVA. Cid groaned. He was in a terrible situation. He had a 50% chance of running into the ungodly powerful Terra.

Shrugging, he picked one of the Terras, and then infused his lance with lightning and attacked her. When the Terra he chose reached out and grabbed his lance by the blade without getting hurt, he realized that he had picked wrong. Terra released a snarl and transformed, her skin turning pink and her clothes disintegrating.

"Fuck me..." Cid could be seen muttering just before he was engulfed in a massive explosion. The ball soared above him, and JENOVA grabbed it with a tentacle.

"Is it just me, or are the defenders for the Girls from Hell acting like forwards? What kind of strategy is this? Are they attempting to force their way to victory through numbers? Let's see how this turns out!" God commentated.

Zack and Leila met JENOVA before she could get any closer to the goal. Leila was no match for JENOVA, and was knocked aside by a vicious tentacle attack. Zack, however, blocked her tentacle with the buster sword, and then chopped it clean off.

Terraform was hovering above the two of them, watching them fight. She held her hand towards Zack, her palm sparking with powerful magic. She could get him if she attacked now, but that would leave her current rival free to score. So she waited until she saw Zack cleaving straight through JENOVA and then blasting her away, before she attacked.

Zack yelped as a powerful Holy spell surrounded him and detonated, sending the ball flying away. Terraform swooped in and grabbed it. She moved towards the goal, only for a recovered Leila to meet her.

Terraform stopped and gave the pirate queen a look that clearly said , "seriously?" Then she nearly burnt Leila to a crisp with a wave of firagas.

"Ouch, and it looks like the Chocobos lose one of their defenders from sheer force! I guess that's what being a minor character does for you!" God remarked.

Leila fell out of the ring and hit the ground, moaning in pain. Selphie and Yuna rushed over to her, their palms already shimmering with healing magic.

Terraform was now near the the goal, the Warrior of Light the only thing between her and the goal. She hurled the ball towards the goal, propelling it with fire, but the Warrior just deflected it with his shield. Terraform hit it back, only for the same thing to happen. Then, for the next few seconds, they engaged in some wild Legend of Zelda bullshit where they were playing ball with one another.

Zack and Yuffie were heading for her at a high speed, so Terraform grabbed the ball and swept her hand behind her, creating a vicious curtain of flame that would delay any pursuers for a time.

Then, Terraform surprised everyone by taking on the Warrior of Light in hand to hand combat. She materialized a staff and swung it at him in a vicious horizontal arc, which he stopped with his sword, held in a reverse grip. Then, his shield sparked, and the same wave of light as before rushed outwards from it, knocking Terraform back.

Instead of being angry, Terraform was grinning. The Warrior of Light looked confused, but then he noticed a Zeus' wrath tucked into his armor. He let out one soundless scream before electricity surged through his body. He was paralyzed long enough for Terraform to get the ball past him.

GfH: 2 CCC: 1

"Looks like the tie is broken, my friends! Can the Chocobo's come back from this? Or is this the end? Though I have to say, what's up with a defender scoring the goal...and what the hell is she doing?" God announced. Everyone looked at Terraform, who was acting a bit like Kamec in that she was over celebrating. Nearby, JENOVA shrugged, not caring that she had lost the wager.

Terraform stuck her head out of the ring long enough to scream "YATTA, MUTHAFUCKERS!" and then ducked back inside.

Everyone took their positions, and the game started anew, the ball shooting towards Kamec, who grasped it eagerly. Tifa was heading for him again, and once more Kamec attempted to think of a way to get around her that she wouldn't expect.

This time, he chose not to move. Once Tifa was almost upon him, he passed the ball to Yuffie.

Yuffie met Rikku, and the two scuffled briefly before the ninja passed it to Cid. Cid had less than five seconds to act before Terra was upon him. He stabbed the ball with his spear, and then launched his spear like a rocket from where he was, using magic to propell it.

For some reason, while the spear zipped through the water towards the goal, some really epic music started playing. To be more exact, Final Magic from Fairy Tail was blaring over the loudspeakers.

"You're welcome, Terraform," Fang grumbled, as it had been he who had diecided to pay off Biggs and Wedge again to play something awesome for this moment. "At least he's not aiming at the moon. Fuckin island arc."

The spear was just about to reach Rydia when the summoner brought forth yet another Eidolon. Ramuh entered the ring. The old deity lifted his staff, and a bolt of lightning struck the tip of the spear, knocking it off course and freeing the ball.

JENOVA approached the ball, her right arm forming into a giant ass drill for no reason.

"The drill that pierces the heavens!" God roared, making yet another reference to make the crowd groan.

With the drill, JENOVA knocked the ball backwards, so that Terra could grab it.

"Fuck. Terra's got the ball. Well, that's game," Fang remarked.

"Agreed," Broly agreed.

In fact, the entire team was moving to block Terra. It would take all of their strength to stop her, and they knew it.

Cid and Yuffie moved to block her, each of them activating their limit breaks. Cid surged up into the air and brought his spear point down towards Terra, while Yuffie spun her shuriken extremely fast, a massive purple beam firing from its center.

Terra grabbed the tip of the spear before it could hit her, and then she swung Cid around into the path of Yuffie's All Creation. The resulting explosion was large enough to cover half of the upper ring.

Kamec saw Terra zip out of the explosion, and he brought up his hands, forming the stance for Shadow Flare. Now that he knew how it felt, he was sure he could recreate it. He formed the stance, but instead of the dark light, all he got was extremely powerful fire.

"See?! THE RNG IS BULLSHIT!" Luneth complained.

He decided it would have to do. With a soundless cry, Kamec sent forth a blistering stream of fire towards Terra. The Esper appeared to be wary of Kamec's power, so she attempted to dodge. However, Kamec was able to direct the stream to follow her. Terra hissed in annoyance as the fire overtook her.

The ball zoomed out of the fire, and Rikku, who was behind Kamec, caught it, and then she planted a sticky grenade on Kamec's back. There was a few comical seconds while the muse attempted to get it off before it exploded.

Rikku moved towards the goal, but Zack was ready for her. Rikku attempted to knock Zack out with a few punches, but Zack blocked them all with the flat of the buster sword, and then he retaliated with a super overpowered Costly Punch, which did the max amount of damage because Materia Fusion is OP as fuck. Rikku recoiled, nursing her no doubt broken jaw, letting the ball float down. Zack picked it up.

Kamec was leaving himself open, when Terra appeared, singed but unharmed, and attacked him. Kamec suddenly felt a hand on the back of his head, and then he was flying fowards. Zack's eyes widened as Kamec was levered into him. Terra grabbed the ball, and then engulfed the two with an Ultima spell.

The Warrior of Light saw Terra coming, and this time he went into EX mode, becoming a more powerful class. With this power, he had been able to fight the God of Discord, so this time he was going to give Terra a fight.

The two met in a clash of colossal proportions. The shockwaves were so intense, that the crowd could feel them as gusts of concentrated wind. The two met, claw to sword, over and over again, neither of them willing to let up.

Terra was shown to be clearly the stronger after a few moments, but she was kept at bay by the Warrior of Light's mastery over his magic. Every time he slashed, miniature blades of light would form around his sword and shoot towards her, causing her to waste time blocking them as well.

Kamec, burnt but okay, inched towards the colossal battle, his grasping hands reaching out for the ball clenched in Terra's hands.

"I swear to Tanner, if that works..." Fang groaned.

Completely by accident, Terra backhanded Kamec in the face without even looking. The force behind it was so great, Kamec shot down out of the ring, his nose bleeding profusely. Fang, from his position in the VIP booth, promptly began laughing his ass off.

Terra managed to overpower the Warrior at last, knocking him aside with a set of magical shockwaves from her claws. Then, she hurtled the ball towards the open goal.

"COME ON!" Kamec yelled, disregarding the healing he was getting to jump into the ring. He used his power over the elements to propell himself faster and faster towards the goal, even as the ball hurtled steadily closer to it.

"It looks like Kamec is hoping to stop the ball before it can reach the goal? Will he make it?" God cried, his attention focused solely on the game.

"COME OOOOOOOOOONNNNN!" Kamec's scream could be heard even through the water. His velocity at the moment was nearing the speed of sound, despite the medium he was traveling through. Finally, he reached the ball and grabbed it. Of course, then he realized his momentum wasn't stopping. He was helpless to stop himself from zipping out of the ring.

Now in the air, he promptly broke the sound barrier and zoomed over the horizon. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." his screams faded to silence as the crowd watched.

"I don't..." Fang began.

"What the..." Sephiroth added.

"He just..." Jecht started.

"But..." Yuna gasped.

"Whee!" Selphie exclaimed.

"I don't care..." Broly grunted.

"Well then! With one minute left in the game, it seems Kamec has absconded with the ball in a most spectactular fashion. Well, I guess the Girls from Hell really..." God then paused and pulled on a set of sunglasses. "dropped the ball!"

"YOU CANNOT REPLACE KAMEC!" Fang screamed, even as the crowd laughed at the terrible pun.

"I'll go get Kamec," Yuna offered, summoning Valefor and hopping on his back.

"Good thing we have spare balls, everyone! After all, this game can continue without a player," God claimed. "Now, then, continue!"

"I'll take over as midfielder until he gets back!" Leila said, now fully healed. She jumped into the ring and took Kamec's position.

The ball shot into the ring, and Leila grabbed it. She was determined to make up for her earlier failures. She was determined to show the crowd that minor characters did matter. She was going to show everyone her worth! She was...

While she was internally pepping herself up, Tifa promptly punched her in the face and took the ball. She then propelled herself off of Leila's stomach and swam towards the enemy goal.

Zack stopped her, winking at his former guide at Nibelheim. He reared back for a Costly Punch, but Tifa countered with a Dolphin Kick, a dolphin coming out of fucking nowhere to slam into Zack's nose, before disappearing into fucking nowhere. Look, that's how it works! What do you want from me?

The Warrior of Light, still in EX mode, met Tifa before she could throw anything at the goal. Tifa had enough time to gulp before his shield slammed into her stomach. The Warrior of Light grabbed the ball, and threw it to Yuffie, who caught it.

She was about to swim towards the enemy goal when the ring turned orange and the buzzer rang, signalling the end of the game. She threw the ball away in despair.

"There's the end of that match, ladies and gentlemen! It was a good match, but the Girls from Hell win this game!" God called out as the players descended into the ring. "By the way, where did Kamec ever go?"

Kamec then landed facefirst into the bottom of the ring, as he had been dropped from Valefor's back.

"There he is! Anyway, we'll take a short intermission to prepare for the next game. Make your bets, because the Servants of Chaos are up next, and we all know how strong they are! Can the Girls from Hells stand up to their chaotic power? Find out next time, on drago...no I'm not doing that joke. Just go get some snacks!" God declared.

"You know kid, that last bit was impressive. I was sure we were going to lose three to one," Cid complimented the groaning Kamec. Selphie danced over and used a curaga spell on the muse, so that he could get up and talk.

"Thanks Selphie. And thanks, Cid. I felt pretty useless in that second half, so I really wanted to do something. Shame we still lost, though," Kamec responded.

"Eh, shit happens. Besides, I knew we were going to lose anyway. You see that Esper over there?" Cid said, pointing to Terra, who was now embracing Terraform, and shaking slightly. Kamec nodded.

"There's no way we were going to beat that. She has so much power, she managed to beat the power of all three gods of creation combined into one. That's just not fair to the rest of us," Cid explained.

"Well, then the next match should be good. I want to see her fight Garland," Kamec expressed. Cid agreed with a nod.

"I'M SO USELESS!" Leila cried, but no one cared because she was a minor character that didn't matter.

"I'm so proud of you, Terra. You were so brave..." Terraform cooed to the Esper, who only hugged the muse harder.

"Give me a break," Yuffie scoffed at the display.

"So I guess I win, huh JENOVA?" Terraform asked smugly to the 2000 year old alien.

"_The terms of the bet are clear. For your sexual pleasure, I will transform into..." _JENOVA began, but then Terraform frantically cut across her.

"Yes, thank you, but the whole world doesn't need to know!" Terraform snapped. When JENOVA went silent, Terraform sighed in relief. "Thanks. I'll come collect after the tournament is over, okay?"

"_Very well. I will be waiting," _JENOVA whispered, and then part of her hair turned pink momentarily. Terraform then giggled like a schoolgirl.

"What did you bet her?" Kamec asked curiously. Terraform turned red, and then slapped him.

"NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!" she snapped. Kamec stepped back and rubbed his face indignantly.

"Nice job, all!" Fang said, stepping out into the bottom of the ring. Following him was the sullen form of Broly.

"You! Esper!" Broly demanded, pointing at Terra. The girl jumped in shock and regarded the Saiyan fearfully. "Fight me. Now!"

"BROLY!" Terraform squealed, lunging at the Saiyan's arm. Broly recoiled, thinking he was being attacked, but then he gazed down at the muse in confusion as she clamped around his arm and stared up at him with puppy-dog eyes.

"Who are you?" Broly asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Uh...Terraform...this guy...might murder you," Fang warned his friend, but she didn't pay him any attention.

"Terraform? I remember. You are the one who played music," Broly recalled. "It was good. Got my blood flowing."

"AAAH! HE LIKES MY MUSIC HE LIKES MY MUSIC!" Terraform squealed like a crazy fangirl and started dancing around him in happiness. Broly was utterly confused. He looked at Fang.

"Is she always this...weird?"

"Only around you..." Fang replied, facepalming. Then Fang realized something. Terraform had managed to get him a date with Selphie. It was only fair for him to return the favor...as weird and borderline gay as it was.

"What?" Broly asked, confused. Fang sighed.

"She wants you. Like, a lot," he explained.

"To fight me?" Broly grinned, still not understanding.

"To fuck you," was Fang's deadpan reply. Broly's grin disappeared, and he adapted an oddly calm expression.

"Oh." Broly then grabbed Terraform by the chest with one massive hand, causing her to turn three shades of red, but she didn't protest, instead giggling a bit. He began dragging her out of the ring.

"What the...are you serious right now? Terraform, I know he's your mancrush, but really? This is so gay!" Kamec called after her.

"It's not gay if I'm a girl!" was the last thing Terraform said before she was dragged out of earshot.

"You're fucking welcome!" Fang snapped. Then he looked back at Kamec. "I can't believe I just enabled that."

"You're such a good friend," Kamec admitted. "As weird as this is."

"Hell, I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for," Fang began, but then Selphie walked up to him.

"We still on for coffee on the Nautilus after the tournament?" she asked, jumping a little in place.

"That. Hell yes, Selph. I'm paying," Fang finished, grinning.

* * *

><p>"All right! Now that the first two matches are out of the way, it's time to move on to the finals! Is everyone ready? As intense as the other two games were, this one is going to take the cake! I'm pretty sure the fight we're all waiting to see is Garland versus Terra! Now, if the teams will enter the ring?" God narrated, the cheers from the crowd growing unchecked.<p>

The scoreboard changed once again to reflect the new game.

SoC: 0 GfH: 0

The Servants of Chaos, led by Fang and Garland, entered the stadium. Cagnazzo, Emperor Mateus, and Aerith followed close behind. Each of them looked confident and ready for the trials ahead of them.

"You realize your job will be to kick Terra's ass, right?" Fang whispered back to Garland. The knight scoffed, but didn't reply. "You are our ace in the hole. Don't fuck it up."

"Watch who you're talking to, knave," Garland growled.

On the other end of the stadium, the Girls from Hell entered. Rikku was the first out, with Terra walking timidly behind her. Tifa and JENOVA were next out, with Terraform last. Terraform was walking awkwardly for some reason. Fang saw it just before he entered the ring, and laughed hysterically.

"Ow...ow...it hurts to walk...owwww..." Terraform whined.

"Your fucking fault..." Tifa snapped.

The teams entered the ring, swimming into their positions. Garland was facing Rikku, while Fang was facing Terra. Fang saw Terra across from him and he graoned. One one hand, he didn't relish fighting the goddess-like Terra, but on the other, he wanted to see how well he could match up with her. After all, this time he had brought Ultima Weapon with him. Of course, it was in a hammer space for plot convenience, but still, Fang believed it would give him an advantage.

Tifa and Cagnazzo glared at one another. Tifa had been watching the last match, so she was aware of Cagnazzo's tricks. Tifa searched for ways to get around him as the metal contraption edged the ball into the ring.

"I'm almost hesitant to start this match, everyone. The anticipation is killing me, but I don't know if this game will be entirely safe. After all, I doubt Kain can be everywhere..." God began, but then he stopped when he saw the dragoon in question next to him. "When did you..."

"Don't question me. Every civilian in this ring is under my protection," Kain affirmed.

"Well then. With that out of the way...I'd better count down. ARE YOU READY, EVERYONE!" God announced.

"GET ON WITH IT!" screamed the crowd.

"1!"

"2!"

"3!"

"BLITZOFF!"

With that, the most intense blitzball game in history began. The ball shot up between Tifa and Cagnazzo, the two midfielders lunging for it at the same time. Tifa reached out for it, but then she felt Cagnazzo's current tugging her away. As she zoomed away, she blasted Cagnazzo's grinning face with a fire3 spell, knocking him back.

The ball floated unattended in the water as the two midfielders attempted to regain their bearings.

Garland swooped in and grabbed the ball, growling at Cagnazzo's failure. He moved towards the other side, only to meet Rikku. The knight was not concerned in the least, so he attempted to go through her, but then Rikku hit him with a powerful flashbang.

Garland winced and recoiled, giving Rikku enough time to swipe the ball and swim past him. Garland quickly recovered, turned, and grabbed her ankle. Before he could pull her back, Rikku hurled the ball to Tifa.

Cagnazzo went to stop her with another current, but Tifa managed to throw the ball to Terra. Then, the martial artist used the momentum of the current to slam both of her feet into Cagnazzo's face.

Fang grunted, and then he summoned Ultima Weapon as Terra swam towards him. Feeling the power running through him, he felt like he could take her as long as she was in her base form. Fang lunged forward and brought the massive blade swinging around, hoping to knock her out before she could transform.

Terra drew her own rapier, completely blocking the attack. Fang's eyes bugged out as he felt the latent strength she possessed. She knocked his blade aside and sent a flare at him with her free hand. Fang ducked under it and struck again. Terra blocked this as well, and then the two engaged in a high speed sword fight. Fang knew he was outmatched. But with every strike, he attempted to buy time for his team to help him out.

Terra suddenly found herself trapped in a Dreary Cell, courtesy of the Emperor. She cried out as the searing magical energy exploded around her, and she lost her grip on the ball.

Fang grinned at the Emperor and grabbed the ball. He scanned the ring, noticing Garland in the enemy half, open for a pass. He also noticed Rikku swimming towards him, a grenade in her hand. He waited for her to get a little closer, and then he blasted her with a soul eater from Ultima Weapon. He followed up by passing the ball across the field to Garland. Tifa tried to catch it, but Cagnazzo stopped her again, enraging the martial artist further.

Garland grabbed the ball and zoomed towards the enemy goal. Terraform watched him come, and she gulped a bit. She brought her hands in front of her, the palms sparking with magic. She let out a soundless cry and fired several blasts of Holy at the knight, as she knew the dangers of underestimating him.

Garland fought back with magical blasts of his own. The two swam alongside one another for a few seconds, firing blast after blast at one another, while twisting their bodies to avoid attacks at the same time. Garland finally reached a manageable distance from the goal, and then he hurled it towards it.

Unfortunately for him, JENOVA grabbed the ball out of the water with two tentacles. When Garland swam at her, she transformed into Princess Sara, causing the knight to stagger backwards a little in shock. By the time he had convinced his mind that it wasn't actually Sara, JENOVA had thrown the ball to Tifa. She saw Cagnazzo leering at her, and she struck first.

Tifa's arm glowed with a red light, revealing the materia fused there. Cagnazzo's eyes widened as Leviathan surged out of a portal and easily countered his powers over water. While the two tangled, Tifa swerved around them and tossed the ball to Rikku.

Rikku soon met Fang, who hefted the Ultima Weapon with a devilish grin. Of course, that didn't last very long before Rikku tossed a flashbang in his face.

When Rikku tried to swim past, Fang slammed his fist into her stomach. She gasped and looked to see Fang had summoned protective eyewear from that same hammer space. Then, he lifted both hands to his face, making scissors with his index and middle fingers. He held them near his eyes, and then mouthed, "SOLAR FLARE!"

The flash of light was so intense, it made Rikku's flashbang look like a nightlight. Anyone that wasn't looking away was blinded completely for a few seconds.

Fang stole the ball and swam towards the enemy goal, twisting past Tifa's Leviathan. He stopped when he saw both Terraform and JENOVA heading for him.

JENOVA reached him first. Her tentacles shot towards him, so he lopped them off with the Ultimate Weapon. When Terraform reached him, he kicked her right in the pussy...where she had just been brutalized not too long ago.

"FUCK!" was Terraform's muffled cry. Fang knocked her aside and moved for the goal unopposed. He slammed the flat of Ultima Weapon against the ball as hard as he could, sending it towards the goal.

The ball was just about to reach Rydia when a chocobo appeared out of fucking nowhere and kicked the ball away. Fang remained still in shock, glaring at the bird. He then realized that it was one of Rydia's summons. He blasted the weak creature with a soul eater, and then moved after the ball.

It was too late. Terra had already grabbed it. Fang cursed loudly and sent a soul eater at her, but she was too fast, and she dodged it easily. Next to him was JENOVA, so he lopped off her head for no particular reason out of frustration.

Cecil saw Terra coming, and immediately transformed into his paladin form. The burst of light magic from his transformation was enough to boost him to Terra, and he rammed her in the side with his shoulder. His bold move was enough to knock her aside, right into one of the Emperor's flares.

"Huh. Seems like they're outwitting Terra. Wonder why she hasn't transformed yet?" Kamec commented. He was sitting in the VIP booth with the rest of his team.

The Emperor plucked the ball out of the water, and he propelled it with a lightning bolt to Fang, who snatched it eagerly. He had a chance to score now that Terra was behind him, and he intended to seize it.

Fang swam by Tifa, who was focusing hard on keeping her summon in the field. Cagnazzo wasn't doing too badly against Leviathan, but his team needed him. With that in mind, Fang smacked Tifa with the flat of his blade on the back of her head, distracting her enough so that Leviathan would disappear.

Cagnazzo took revenge on Tifa by whipping at her relentlessly with whips of water, which she worked hard to defend against.

Fang saw that Terraform and JENOVA were nearby, the latter having regrown her head and tentacles like the freak that she was. Fang thought quickly. He didn't intend to give up the advantage now that he had it. Terra was closing in quickly, so he didn't have much time.

Terraform soon drew close enough to start firing blasts of fire and ice at him. Fang also remembered some of his black mage speels, so he returned spells of equal strength at her.

When JENOVA neared him, she surprised him and everyone else by turning into a fucking giant. She reached out with her massive hand and closed her fingers around Fang, trapping him.

Fang couldn't even move, so he couldn't pass the ball. One of JENOVA's large tentacles coiled around the ball and passed it to Terraform, who blasted it to Rikku.

"Doesn't look like this game is going anywhere fast, folks! The two teams appear to be evenly matched!" God commentated.

Rikku was immediately blocked by Garland, who seemed none too keen on letting her pass. She tossed another flashbang, but this time Garland whipped his chain through it, shattering it before it could detonate. Rikku blinked, but Garland was already moving to attack.

Rikku ducked under his fist and tossed the ball to Tifa, who had managed to extricate herself from Cagnazzo's whips by hitting him with a Blizzaga spell. She swam past the growling, frozen Cagnazzo and moved for the goal.

Fang blocked her with his blade, grinning confidently. He lasted against Terra's base form for a while, so he was sure he could beat some martial artist.

He was wrong. Fang and Tifa engaged in a vicious melee. All it would take was a single cut from Fang's blade, and Tifa would be out for the count, but he just couldn't hit her. It was only after the tenth failed strike that he realized that she was used to his fighting style. After all, Cloud had fought with a similar style, and no doubt he and Tifa had practiced together.

The moment she found and opening, Tifa took it, slamming her fists at a lightning fast pace into Fang's middle. Fang gasped in pain, and then grunted as Tifa hit him with both fists, sending him soaring downwards.

Tifa was met by Cecil, and it was then that there was an even fight. In his paladin form, Cecil had been strong enough to fight the physical embodiment of hate, and as such Tifa was an opponent he could fight. Respecting her fighting style, Cecil dismissed his sword and met her in hand to hand combat.

Of course, the Emperor had no such honor. He drifted closer and closer until Tifa was in range, and then he shot out a hand. From the tips of his fingers lanced deadly lightning bolts that struck Tifa and surged through her body, causing her to convulse.

Cecil shot a disapproving look at Mateus, but he still grabbed the ball, passing it to Garland.

Garland didn't get very far before he ran into both Rikku and Terra.

"Look everbody! Is this it? Is this the battle we've been waiting for? Garland versus Terra, round one! Go!" God roared in happiness.

Rikku and Terra attacked at once, RIkku with her clawed gauntlets and Terra with her sword. Garland whipped his sword forward, blocking both attacks at once. His golden eyes gleamed, and he forced them back by manipulating the water around his blade into a vicious current. His other hand shot out, and several flares formed and flew towards the two forwards. Terra had no problem blocking the attacks, but Rikku fell victim to the attack, and she hurtled backwards, wincing in pain.

Terra's blade met Garland's in a clash of sparks. Garland reached into his blade with his free hand and detached another sword from it, swinging at Terra's unprotected side. She managed to twist her body enough to avoid it, though she was forced to disengage her blade. She then fell back, defending carefully against the attacks of both of Garland's swords.

"Seems like Garland is pushing Terra back!" Kamec gasped, the muse sitting on the edge of his seat to watch the epic fight unfolding before him.

Terra belied that statement by weaving through Garland's swords and blasting him back with a concentrated fireball. Garland steadied himself by having the water around him push him forward, counteracting his momentum. He recombined his swords and instead reformed it into an axe, swinging it heavily at Terra.

Terra yelped and ducked under the strike, but couldn't avoid a vicious kick from Garland. She righted herself and fired a stream of holy orbs at the knight. Garland once again showed his skill by deflecting each and every one.

While all of this was going on, most of the other team members were watching the fight in awe. The blitzball was hovering in place, guarded by Garland's magic, so the only way they could reach it is if one of them braved the explosive fight in front of them. No one was going for it. Well, except for Fang, but he's an idiot.

Or is he? Fang reached the ball, ducking under a holy orb as he did so. He grabbed it and tried to move it, only to find that Garland's magic was anchoring it in place. He started channeling some of his own magic into it, only to find that Garland's magic was extremely strong. He looked back over at his team, and settled on the Emperor. He gestured to Mateus, asking for his help without words.

The Emperor hesitantly floated up to the ball, and began channeling his magic through it as well, trying to budge it.

Garland noticed their efforts, and he clenched his free hand into a fist. The magic around the blitzball suddenly exploded, catching both the Emperor and Fang in the blast. Of course, this minor distraction gave Terra enough time to land a powerful meltdown on the knight.

Garland hurtled backwards, before stopping himself again. His armor was visibly taking damage, but Terra was also panting.

Rikku grabbed the ball now that it was unguarded, and she swam past the dueling Terra and Garland, only to meet with Cecil.

Rikku took a risk and hurtled the ball towards the goal, attempting to bypass Cecil completely. Cecil reached for the ball, but Rikku managed to hit the paladin with a frag grenade.

Aerith saw the ball coming, and she lifted her staff. She was about to hit the ball with her staff, when she noticed that there was a sticky grenade stuck to the ball. Aerith opened her mouth in surprise a second before it exploded.

Unfortunately for Rikku, the momentum from the blast propelled the ball towards the goal, but it bounced off the rim and flew towards Cecil, who grabbed it. The paladin resummoned his sword, and then sent a massive shockwave of light at Rikku. It caught her in the middle and propelled her back towards her side of the ring.

Cecil tossed the ball to Fang. The muse surveyed the field. Terraform and JENOVA were still a threat, but Rikku was out for a few moments and Terra was still occupied with Garland. He wouldn't get a better opportunity.

When he met Tifa, Fang sent the Ultima Weapon away and replaced it with the Ashura blade. Then, he used it to cut himself on the arm, allowing the blood to reach the blade. The resulting burst of power allowed him to knock Tifa aside almost effortlessly, as she was suprised at the change in power.

He used his newfound speed to zoom towards Terraform and JENOVA. He targeted JENOVA first, firing an empowered soul eater at her. The alien was almost decimated by the attack, bits of her flying back out of the ring. A bored looking Kain Highwind would just toss the pieces back in as they fell.

Terraform summoned the staff of sages, and used it to meet Fang's assault. For a moment, the two of them exchanged lightning fast strikes and blows, neither of them finding a gap in the other's defenses.

JENOVA soon returned, and as Fang turned to fend her off, Terraform blasted Fang with a Meteor spell, knocking the muse back in a blast of fire and rock. Terraform grabbed the ball and hurled it to Terra.

"STOP FUCKING DOING THAT!" Fang screamed extremely loudly, referring to how Terraform always seemed to pass the ball to Terra.

However, to their shock, Garland rammed Terra viciously, causing her to miss the ball. The blitzball soared over her head and down into the center of the ring, where Tifa was waiting. She reached out to grab it, but Cagnazzo had managed to defrost himself, so he latched onto it with a current of water. He grabbed it and made as if to pass Tifa, but she punched him hard in the throat, causing him to drop it momentarily. Tifa grabbed the ball and swam ahead. She passed the ball to Rikku when she was confronted with the Emperor.

Rikku soon met Cecil, and she passed it back to Tifa, who had managed to get away from the Emperor.

Tifa propelled the ball towards the goal with a blast of flame, but Aerith stopped it by summoning Shiva, who deflected it with a wave of frozen water.

Fang grabbed the ball, and once again he viewed the field tactically. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere if his team kept holding back, but then again, the girls were also holding back. Once Terra transformed, shit was going to go down, and everyone knew it. His only method of gaining the lead at this point was to take out one of their members. Rikku seemed to be the weakest, as she only used grenades and those claws. With that in mind, Fang angled himself so that Rikku was the one that confronted him.

Fang easily sliced through the grenades sent his way, and then he rammed his elbow into her chest, winding her. He brought his sword down, but she blocked it with her gauntlet, and then she levered her foot into Fang's chin, knocking him back...and right into Tifa's clutches. She grabbed him in a full-nelson, such that Rikku could swim towards him and unleash a barrage of vicious punches. With every punch that connected, the spikes on the Al'Bhed's gauntlets would pierce through Fang's skin and draw blood. Unfortunately for Rikku, she had forgotten just what exactly that entailed.

Once all of that Blood hit Fang's sword, a surge of power rushed through his body. He felt so powerful; he even considered taking on Terra. At the moment, however, he settled with breaking free of Tifa and Rikku. He cut Tifa across the chest, leaving a gash, and then he viciously ran Rikku through, causing the girl to cough up blood. He then slashed the blade right through her.

"Ooh! That looks like it hurt! As epic as this is getting, I need to call half time. Would you look at that? Half time already, and not a single goal scored! Now if you'll all exit the ring and get some healing..." God declared. The ring turned orange, and the players began to leave the ring.

Fang hit the ground and sighed, carrying Rikku and Tifa down with him. He had hurt them seriously, but he didn't hate them. He lowered them to the ground and started healing them himself with his cure3 spells. Selphie soon joined him, and they started healing together.

Garland landed on the ground hard, causing it to rupture. Terra soon followed. The both of them were panting slightly. When they glanced at one another, respect was evident in their eyes.

"Goddamn...this game," Fang remarked as he healed. "This is one of the most intense games I've ever been in. Wow. You two are for real."

"Thanks...Fang," Tifa groaned. She looked over at the gash in her body as it stitched itself together. "You're dangerous as a dark knight."

"Yeah...I wish I had known that before punching him full of holes," Rikku whispered weakly. Tifa gave a weak laugh at that.

"All right team, you know the drill," Fang called back to his team. "It's the second half. We've got to step it up a notch if we want to win this."

"I will show them the power of a god," Garland affirmed. A chill ran down Fang's neck as he remembered just how much power Garland had.

"I too, agree with this sentiment," the Emperor joined.

"You heard them, girls! We're gonna go all out on this one!" Terraform could be heard addressing her team. "Terra, I need you to be strong for me, okay?"

"O...okay..."

"Jesus Christ, you two! Terra, quit acting so weak all the time when you kick some serious ass!" Fang finally snapped. Terra, instead of reacting angrily, only shrunk against Terraform. "LIKE THAT! STOP THAT!"

"Shut up, Fang. She can't fully control her powers, and that's why she's scared. Insensitive asshole," Terraform shot back. Fang threw his hands up in the air.

"I'm done. Fuckin bitches be trippin," he grunted. "Terraform, I'mma kick your ass in this next round. Especially if you keep passing to Terra!"

"You're just mad because she's stronger than you."

"Fuck you."

"Uh...there's a teeny tiny problem," Selphie interrupted. She pointed down at Rikku, who was still half bisected. "I can't heal her very well."

"What? Why not?" Fang asked, suddenly worried.

"There's a lot of darkness present in her wound. It's hampering the healing process. By the time I finish healing her, the game will be over," Selphie admitted.

"What?! But we need our forward!" Terraform shrieked angrily. "Fang, you asshole! You planned this!"

"Honestly? No I didn't. I...actually feel pretty shitty about it. I wouldn't have hurt her so bad if I knew she couldn't be healed," Fang admitted. He knelt down to see Rikku. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know..."

"It's...okay..." Rikku whispered, and then a grin crossed her face. "But you just...screwed yourself. Now...you have to deal with...our reserve player..."

"Reserve player? What?" Fang asked, confused. "Is that even allowed?"

"Actually, it is!" God spoke up. "Both the Girls from Hell and the Servants of Chaos have one reserve player registered."

"Who's our reserve player?" Fang demanded. Cagnazzo sighed, and then pointed up at Tiamat, who was sitting in the crowd and eating popcorn by the ton. "And theirs?"

Tifa, who was now fully healed, stood up and went over to the exit of the stadium. She then called into the darkness. "Hey! It's time! We need you to come fill in for Rikku!"

Fang watched as a large silouhette filled the doorway. His anticipation then turned to dread as a familiar saiyan stepped out of the darkness.

"Oh...fuck this. THAT CAN'T BE FAIR!" Fang shouted aloud as Broly stepped into the arena.

"You mean, as fair as having the God of Discord on your side?" God pointed out.

"But..."

"Or wait, don't you also have the Lord of Hell?"

"...point taken. This is still bullshit. I can't do shit against him," Fang complained.

"Well, you also can't face Terra alone, if it makes you feel any better," God added helpfully.

"It doesn't. So...no amount of bitching is going to fix this?" Fang asked, resignation in his voice.

"Nope."

"Fucking...whatever. I don't care anymore. Let's just get this over with," the muse grunted.

"As entertaining as this has been, it's time to get back to it! The score is still tied between the Girls from Hell and the Servants of Chaos! Make your bets now, folks! Who will win? All players, please return to the ring!" God interuppted. Fang gave one last look to his team. They all met his gaze, nodding in return.

"Let's DO this!" Fang roared, and then he shot into the ring with enthusiasm. Broly or not, he was confident they could win with the God of Discord on their side.

The other players entered the ring, which soon turned blue. Terra and Broly took their places as the forward, while everyone else took their respective positions.

The moment the ball entered the ring, Fang drew the Ashura blade. He then ran the blade along his arm, making a shallow, yet long cut. He then hefted the Ultima Weapon with his other hand, the extra strength from his wound making it feel as light as a feather.

When the ball shot into the air, all hell broke lose. Cagnazzo immediately reverted to his normal, turtle-like form, increasing his powers over water by a great deal. The water twisted and turned around Tifa. Just as she was about to fight back, their entire struggle was rendered meaningless.

The second the game started, Broly grunted and powered up immediately to Super Saiyan, his black hair turning golden and his eyes turning a piercing blue. Completely disregarding his role, he zoomed forward, his expression set into an intense glare. As Cagnazzo grabbed the ball, the fiend was hit with an incredibly powerful eraser cannon. As the fiend recoiled, Broly snatched the blitzball and continued to rush forward.

Fang, still cursing the bullshit that allowed Broly to even be a part of this, moved to block the Saiyan, hoping that he could at least do something. Garland met him halfway, and the two floated in Broly's way.

The moment Broly grew close, Garland suddenly exploded out of his armor. He grew larger and larger, forming red skin and black horns, along with rows of powerful teeth. Soon, Chaos, the god of Discord, confronted Broly. Fang's morale soared once he observed this, and he met Broly with renewed determination.

Broly was completely unprepared for the sheer power behind a single punch by Chaos, and he recieved four. Broly was compeltely winded and was sent flying backwards, the ball released from his hands.

Chaos went to grab the ball, but then Terra streaked through the water, already transforming into her Esper form. She lunged at the god and slashed viciously, but every attack she sent at Chaos was blocked by one of his many arms. Chaos roared, and then for some reason, everyone could hear the words he spoke clearly.

"You do not need power, girl...for I AM power!" Chaos uttered, and then he punched Terra so hard, she flew all the way back to her goal.

Chaos grabbed the ball in one arm, and with another, he blocked a punch by Broly. Before Fang's eyes, the saiyan appeared to explode, his skin rupturing and green light exploding out of the cracks in his skin. A green sphere of light appeared and obscured the saiyan's form. So much power emanating from this sphere, that some of it even began to fire out towards the audience in the form of green explosive balls of ki.

Kain Highwind smirked, and then he began darting around the arena, keeping any of the blasts from hitting the crowd. This was an impressive feat, considering thousands of blasts were surging out towards the crowd.

Fang was defending himself furiously from the spread of Broly's power. In his head, he was constantly repeating the words, "this is ridiculous, this is just bullshit, why do I even care..."

Even the other girls were forced to defend themselves from Broly's power. Terraform had lifted a reflect spell around her, blocking anything that came her way, but JENOVA and Tifa were having issues.

When the energy finally stopped shooting outwards, the light faded to reveal Broly in the form of the Legendary Super Saiyan. His pupils had completely disappeared, and his muscles were so large it was terrifying.

"RAAAH!" Broly roared, and Chaos was forced to contend with several eraser cannons flying at him faster than the speed of sound. Even with this new transformation, however, Chaos seemed like he was handling himself.

"Is it just me, or does this seem like less of a blitzball game, and more like an actual battle?" God commented, but no one cared because they were all focused on the battle.

Terra rejoined the battle, firing an insane amount of holy orbs. There were so many of them, it made Ginrei Kojaku look like total shit. Broly was unaffected by them, but he joined in the assault by attacking Chaos from behind.

Fang, now saved from having to defend himself, slipped through the battle and grabbed the completely unattended blitzball. He knew he was pulling a Kamec, but he really wanted to win so he could tell Terraform just how much of a little bitch she was for bringing Broly into this.

Chaos fought both Terra and Broly with difficulty. His power was immense, but his opponents were faster. The god spun rapidly in circles, sending cutting waves of fire in every direction. Terra weaved around them, while Broly just fucking tanked them.

Broly grabbed Chaos by the leg and upended him, sending the god hurtling towards his goal. Fang was swimming in that direction for several seconds before he noticed the shadow that fell upon him. He sighed in exasperation just before Chaos rammed into him, causing him to release the ball.

Chaos roared, and he halted himself. He raised one of his fists, and suddenly everyone could feel his power increase tenfold. Everyone around him stared in shock and horror. This was compeltely unfair. Even with Broly and Terra, no one stood a chance against this monstrosity of a god.

Terraform looked at JENOVA. "We have to fight back!" the girl mouthed. JENOVA nodded, and then the two surged towards Chaos. Tifa joined their rush as well, and soon the entire enemy team, except for the goalie, was fighting the god of Discord.

Terraform blasted the god over and over with meteor and holy blasts, while at the same time healing her teammates with augmented potions. Tifa concentrated hard, and then she summoned the Knights of the Round once more, all of them surrounding Chaos and attacking at once.

JENOVA took the form of Sephiroth, bringing out Masamune. She leapt into the fight alongside Broly, striking at Chaos wherever they saw an opening.

_Gone in a second,_

Chaos was completely unphased by any of this. The god stampeded through the Knights of the Round like ninepines. Lancelot was obliterated by a swift punch to the middle. Gawain fell prey to a wave of invisible concussive force sent by Chaos' eyes. Bedevere was completely eviscerated by Chaos' tail. The rest of the knights fell one by one by various methods, until finally Arthur was impaled on the end of a blade that Chaos had produced from the ether.

_Ultimate destruction,_

Chaos began to twist in place at an insanely fast fast, a massive fireball forming in two of his outstretched arms. His other arms sent out hundreds of vicious fireballs that exploded on contact. Cecil was caught by one of them, and he nearly fell unconscious when the back of his head hit the goal post.

_Gods are warring,_

Tifa moved in for the attack, but she just couldn't get close. Finally, Chaos sent the massive fireball hurtling towards Terra and Broly. The two of them gave one another looks. Once enemies, now allies in a desperate struggle, the two prepared their strongest attacks. Terra fired an intense beam of white light, having modifying the Ultima spell. Broly sent out a tiny ball of green light that soon expanded into a massive orb.

_Sorrow neverending!_

The two attacks combined into a single beam that swirled with white and green light. They combined with Chaos' attack, and the resulting shockwave create tsunamis on the outside of the stadium. At this point, the many magic users outside had erected a barrier to keep the audience safe.

_Endless Chaos,_

Chaos appeared to be winning the struggle as he telekinetically forced it downwards. To help out, the other girls arrived and added their attacks to the mix. Tifa arrived and fired her strongest spell learned through a yellow materia, Beta. Terraform joined the three and sent the strongest holy spell she could muster towards the fireball. JENOVA arrived as well, and fired a shadow flare into the mix. With all of the attacks mixed, the girls hoped that they could make a difference.

_For an eternity,_

"I...this is...this is more intense than I bargained for. I'm gonna get behind the barrier. If that thing blows, I don't want to be anywhere near it!" God said quickly, and then scrambled to safety.

The fireball stopped moving, and even as the two groups struggled, none of them could move the balance in their favor.

_Welcome to the end,_

"You will...know despair!" Chaos roared, and he added more power to the blast. The girls and Broly felt the shift, and they too increased the amount of power they put into their attacks.

_To the Abyss!_

Finally, the conflicting magic could not take it anymore, and there was an explosion so large, the likes of it had never been seen, even in dragon ball. The power washed over the combatants, and over the stadium, breaking over the barrier like water on rock.

Kain Highwind moved a mile a minute to keep the ring intact, but everything else paid the price. When the smoke cleared, everything that wasn't the ring, the audience, and their seats was completely destroyed.

"Oh my god..." God could only murmur, watching the battle.

The girls and Broly panted heavily, wondering how they were going to defeat Chaos. The god was hovering above them, his four arms crossed. He was staring down at them pensively. He was panting slightly, so they knew he wasn't infallible.

"And I thought Broly was broken," Fang thought as he stared in awe at his teammate.

_"I have an idea," _JENOVA's voice shot through the minds of the girls and Broly. "_It should give us enough power to win if it works."_

When her team looked at her in curiosity, she continued. "_I will split myself into two halves and liquify myself. If everyone here merges with part of my essence, they will be imbued with great power."_

Terraform knew the game, and as such was hesitant about accepting. Then she remembered that she had already been altered in freakish ways since arriving here. Terraform nodded and moved towards Jenova. Terra soon followed, trusting Terraform implicity.

Everyone soon aquiesced as well, save for Broly. He only accepted when everyone stared at him accusingly.

Chaos watched in curiosity as JENOVA suddenly melted away into clouds of greenish liquid. These clouds seeped into the bodies of the girls and Broly, each of whom began to writhe in utter agony as changes occured in their body.

Terra screamed in anguish as something burst out of her back. Six wings, colored white on one side and black on the other, sprouted from her back. Her eyes turned completely black, and black veins could be seen clearly on her neck and reaching into her eyes.

Terraform had never felt pain like this before. It was like something was inside of her, changing her body's very composition. She screamed as a single wing burst out of her back. Not long after that, she could feel immense power surging through her. She felt like a god herself.

Tifa's skin turned completely pale, and she grew monstrous fangs, and her ears tapered into points. Multiple wings shot out of her back, and her magical power began to swirl around her like fire.

However, the most noticable change occured in Broly. His hair, which was now a greenish gold, turned completely white and grew longer. Red fur sprouted along his arms and torso. His legs lengthened out into white furred, feral appendages. His right arm stretched out and cracked, spikes forming along the arm. his fingers deformed into large, purple feathers. His arm became one massive wing. Lastly a white ring formed behind Broly. Then, the power he accumulated rushed through the arena.

Chaos's eyes widened in shock as he felt Broly's new power. This might actually be a challenge for him. Broly's eyes opened, revealing pure nothingness. A small smirk appeared on his face, and then he leapt into action.

A powerful omega blaster shot from Broly's left arm with no charge time at all, catching Chaos by surprise. The god recoiled in pain, but then Terra was there. She screeched viscerally, revealing her new sharp teeth. She released hundreds of ultima spells, each one slamming into Chaos's body without reprieve.

Terraform began preparing a spell so strong, it would put Kamec's shadowflare to shame. Tifa stood beside her, doing the same.

Broly surged into battle, tossing wave after wave of blasts at Chaos, while behind him, a massive green orb began growing in size.

Terra flew into the air and spread her hands. Hundreds of glyphs formed in the water behind her, and six giant ones surrounded her in a hexagon pattern. The glyphs glowed brightly,a nd each one was filled to the brim with Terra's overflowing magical power.

Then, each glyph shot a tiny beam towards one point in front of Terra. The giant glyphs fired pillars of light which combined with the others.

"Eternity's Judgement," Terra whispered, and then all of the beams combined into one and shot forth a beam so large, Teraflare was nothing to it.

_It's time for me..._

Broly roared out his challenge, and then the giant sphere of green light behind him shot forth, seeming to break even reality in its path.

_My sword and flame will protect you..._

Terraform's body was surrounded by tainted dark magic that whirled around her body like a tornado. She twisted in place, and then her hands shot forward. All of the dark magic around her ignited with purplish black flames, and then surged through the air towards the God of Discord.

_Just so you can see the fire..._

Tifa's fists were glowing with an intense orange light. With a strained yell, she fired one orb of orange flame after the other. She was completely drained after that, and so she collapsed.

_We're flying in the sky!_

Each of the attacks merged into one, forming a massive beam of complete and utter destruction, colored a shade of pure gold. JENOVA's tainted power gave them strength to rival the gods, and they planned to make full use of it.

Chaos faced the incoming power, his expression stoic. His arms spread out, and four swords appeared in each of his hands. Flame erupted from his body and licked up his arms and over the blades. He was readying his counter attack.

_No one blames you, no..._

_"I don't know what they're doing or how strong they got, but I'm not going to let them take out our trump card!" _Fang thought to himself. In a moment of sheer bravery and stupidity, the muse threw himself in front of the oncoming blast, firing his strongest soul eater from both Ultima Weapon and the Ashura blade.

_Forget your self abuse..._

Emperor Mateus acknowledged Fang's bravery, and joined him in front of the incoming attack. He transformed into his demonic form earned from being the Lord of Hell, and he used his strongest attack, Starfall, to summon a fucking meteor from nowhere and send it at the blast.

_Now we have grown and fast..._

Cagnazzo joined the group, using his affinity over water to use the water around him as a weapon. Cecil arrived next to him, firing another shockwave of purified light from his blade. Even Aerith joined them, summoning Bahamut Zero, who fired a Teraflare into the mix.

_Another chance to grasp the Earth!_

All of their attacks formed a massive dark beam and collided into the beam of golden light. The impact was jarring to everyone around them. The darm beam held for a few seconds, but it wasn't long before the golden beam overtook it. The members of the Servants of Chaos had one moment to scream before the beam knocked them all aside like nothing, each one of them flying out of the ring.

The beam collided with Chaos's blades, which he had crossed in front of him to block to attack. Chaos filled his blades with a great deal of power, but even that wasn't enough to keep the beam back. He could only halt it in place, the strain evident on his demonic face as he held back the beam.

"I am your past, I am your present, I am your future!" Chaos roared, flames erupting from his form.

Broly rose above the beam, a strange glowing cyan orb in his left hand. He gave a feral grin. "We make our own future!" Broly roared through the water, and hurled the blast into the golden beam.

Chaos struggled, but then his strength finally gave way. The swords he held cracked and shattered, and the beam struck Chaos directly in his middle, and the resulting explosion dwarfed even the last.

People as far away as Besaid were looking up and staring at the massive golden explosion rising over the horizon.

The entire city of Luca was engulfed by the blast. The only reason no one died was because Kain Highwind decided it was a good idea to stop holding back. The dragoon single-handedly protected the city and the audience, even as the barrier cracked and shattered under the blast.

"This is the craziest shit I've ever seen!" Kamec roared over the sound.

Eventually, the light and smoke cleared to reveal a mostly intact ring. In the center of the ring, Garland stood, back in his original form. His armor was cracked and burnted, but he was still standing. He lifted his sword weakly, giving a grunt as he took a stance.

"Let's get him," Terraform declared silently, and then she and everyone else grabbed Terra with her blessing. Then, they used the rest of their power to propel her straight towards Garland.

Terra lifted her sword, her wings giving her speed. Garland gave one last battlecry and hefted his blade, streaking through the water at her.

The two then ended up on opposite sides from where they began. Terraform and the others watched in relief as Garland's armor broke in half and he fell down and out of the ring.

With no one left in the ring, it was easy for Terra to grab the blitzball and score the winning goal.

SoC: 0 GfH: 1

"Is...is it safe?" God asked weakly, emerging from the stands. He noticed that only the girls and Broly were left in the ring, which was rapidly cracking apart from the abuse it had taken. "Whew...okay. Time to call it everyone. Victory belongs to the Girls from Hell, as they have eliminated every member of the Servants of Chaos, though it was certainly not easy for either side!"

The silence in the audience lasted for a few more minutes, and then they erupted in cheers so loud, Kamec thought his eardrums were going to implode.

The ring turned orange for a second, and then the water completely fell out of its spherical formation, the ring cracking and falling to pieces. The mages quickly evaporated the water, but it was only by sheer luck that none of the girls had gotten hurt from the debris.

Terraform landed on the ground hard, back in her normal form, as JENOVA had withdrawn from her body. Terra landed next to her, followed by Broly, each of them normal again. Each and every one of them had used up all of their power to defeat Chaos, and now it was difficult for them to move. Even Broly had lost the ability to remain in his Legendary form, and as such was back in his base.

"Let's give the contestants a moment to get healed and ready for the award ceremony! I'll meet you back here in a few minutes," God said.

* * *

><p>Selphie, Yuna, Minwu, and Rydia had had their hands full healing everyone, but with the assistance of a healed Fang, it wasn't long before everyone was back on their feet.<p>

Garland faced Terra and Broly, his armor repaired. His expression was unreadable, but his sword was unsheathed. Everyone was worried that he was going to attack them again, but then he extended his free hand to Terra.

"You earned this victory," Garland admitted with a hint of grudging respect in his voice. Broly glanced at the gesture in confusion, not knowing what he was supposed to do. When Terra timidly grasped Garland's hand, the saiyan understood and did the same.

"You know what?" Fang said, stretching out his healed arms. His voice got the attention of Terraform and Kamec, who had come down from the VIP box to see his friends. "I may have lost, but that fucking fight was so epic, I'm not even mad. I'll never see something that epic ever again! GODDAMN that was awesome!"

"No kidding. Terraform, if you don't mind me asking, how did it feel to have JENOVA a part of you like that?" Kamec added in. Terraform shuddered in distaste.

"It hurt like a bitch on her period and felt like worms were crawling through my skin. I hope I never have to go through that again," she answered, hugging herself protectively. Fang and Kamec laughed at her wording. "It almost wasn't worth it."

"Also, I didn't realize how strong Garland was. Sorry for throwing a fit about Broly joining in," Fang said.

"Now then, if the teams will gather in...what's left of this arena?" God interrupted from a hastily erected podium in the recently cleared arena. Fang, Terraform, and Kamec joined the other team members in the arena. They even saw the Luca Goers, but no one really paid them any attention because of how shitty they are.

"The bronze medals go to the Cosmo Canyon Chocobos! Now, don't think for even a second that this means they aren't worth anything. They played very well, and as such they EARNED these medals. Between Kamec's sneaky yet smart techniques, Yuffie and Cid's teamwork, and the strong defense set by Leila, Zack, and the Warrior of Light, they would have made quick work of any normal team! Give them all the applause they deserve!" God announced. As each member of the team walked up to God, he placed the shiny medal around their necks and sent them on their way. Kamec rejoined his friends, showing off the medal proudly.

"The silver medals go to the Servants of Chaos! Oh boy, do I have a lot to say about them. In their two showings, they showed just how strong their teamwork and power really is! Against the Goers, it wasn't really even a game! It was a complete shut down, and everyone knew it. Fang's powers of darkness really worked for him in these games, giving that strength that he needed to make up for his non magical nature. Cagnazzo's water powers worked really well in the ring, considering it's all water! Cecil and the Emperor formed an extremely solid defense. With his powers of Hellfire, no one was getting past Mateus. And Aerith. Oh lord this girl. I'm pretty sure everyone expected her to flash her opponents to get them to drop the ball or miss the goal. But instead, she showed off her skills as a summoner. That Bahamut Zero was terrifying! And then there's Garland. Hoo boy. I can honestly say I've seen a god play ball, ladies and gentlemen. That's all I have to say about that," God concluded his review of their team, and then he awarded every member of their team a shining silver medal.

"Finally, the gold awards go to the Girls from Hell! I don't know about you, but I fully expected them to lose in the first round. Hell, I even expected Terraform to try something sexual to win..."

"THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!" Terraform shrieked.

"But none of them did! I certainly underestimated Terra, that's for sure. I didn't even know Broly was on their team either, but there it is. Everyone did have a reserve player after all. Then again, if Broly hadn't showed up, they never would have lasted as long as they did. Though that last transformation you guys all pulled, that was freaky. What even was that, a Safer Broly? Is that even a thing? And better yet, does that make Terraform Terratransformed? Anyhow, I've talked enough. Take these medals and your prize money, and then I guess its time for us all to house up for the night! Thanks to Kain Highwind, there actually ARE hotels still standing." God finished. Then, he passed gleaming gold medals to each of the other members of the team. He also handed Terra a check for an insane amount of money.

"I'm just...I'm done," Fang complained. "I need to go to this hotel and rest. I'm so goddamn tired, I could pass out right here."

"I hear that," Kamec agreed, stifling a yawn. He choked mid-yawn when he noticed Terraform walking back over with JENOVA in tow. "What the hell are you bringing her here for?"

"Oh, she owes me a favor. So she's sticking with me for a while," Terraform explained. Kamec shivered.

"There's no way she's staying in our room!" Kamec snapped. "I swear, I'll fry that bitch to pieces again!"

"Relax! She and I are staying in our own room. She won't be anywhere near you," Terraform reassured him. Kamec sighed in relief, but he didn't drop his guard.

"Everybody follow me! I'll take you to the hotel district!" God called, leaving the arena.

* * *

><p>The hotel where they would be staying was fairly large, as it was one of the best money could buy. Every single group had a penthouse suite, and the individuals had the second best rooms. For example, Squall and Rinoa had a suite, while Seifer had a single room. Terraform, Broly and JENOVA had their own suite, while Fang, Kamec, Aerith, Yuffie, and Maria had another suite. Why did Fang and Kamec get three girls? Why do you think?<p>

I'll catch you guys in the morning!" Terraform called to her friends, and she walked into her suite with Broly and JENOVA in tow.

"Yeah you have fun! God knows we will," Fang replied with a smirk, winking back at Aerith, who returned the gesture. Kamec was arm in arm with Yuffie and Maria, practically giddy because of how excited he was.

Before they entered their rooms, they ran into the Director.

Director: One second guys. Tomorrow we'll be heading back home by airship, and each one of you will be able to watch the screening of the next game while on the way back. Sound good?

"Yeah, sounds great. But how will you guys get back fast enough to start screening?" Fang asked, confused.

Director:...you've obviously never seen the Ragnarok fly.

"Apparently not. I'm guessing it's really fast," Kamec suggested. The Director nodded.

Director: All right. Good night guys.

When he left, Fang shrugged and entered his suite, heading immediately for the bed.

"Still a bit weird how Terraform had JENOVA cells inside of her," Fang remarked. Kamec nodded vigorously.

"I hope there aren't any still there. JENOVA may be working with us, but she's the same evil 2000 year old alien, right?" Kamec began. He was going to talk more, but then Yuffie kissed him, shutting him up.

"Shut up and let's get fucking," Yuffie demanded. Kamec nodded happily and moved over to the bed with Maria. He didn't seem at all uncomfortable that Fang was going to be in the room with him while the two of them had sex. After all, it wasn't gay in the leastas long as their cocks were in vaginas.

"Just one moment, Aerith. I want to ask Terraform something. I'm gonna warn her to check her bloodstream for any more JENOVA cells," Fang said, legitimately worried about his friend's health. Aerith nodded, and went ahead and started stripping, preparing for her lover's return.

He walked out of the suite and moved over the Terraform's suite. He opened the door without thinking, and his mind was forever marked by what he saw.

Terraform, while still female, was on the bed shoving her cock...yeah, you read right. She had a cock and vagina. She was a goddamn futa, and Fang was dead sure it was JENOVA's fault. So she was shoving her cock deep into the wet pink vagina of Pinkie Pie, the hyperactive pony moaning and giggling sporadically. While of this was going on, Broly was in the corner, feeling about the same as Fang was.

Fang shut the door and turned around.

"I'll never sleep again."

* * *

><p>And here I thought the Final Fantasy III chapter was going to be my longest. I lied. I blew that one out of the water by at least ten thousand words. My longest chapter is now 40000 words. Wow, that's a staggering number when I put it on paper. Yeah, so I bet you wanted this much, especially considering how long I made you all wait.<p>

Songs:

Phoenix - Stratovarius

Cantate Mortis & God in Fire - Tyrone Prince (feat. Kidneythieves)

Me & Creed - Mika Kobayashi

Don't sue me, I'm poor.


End file.
